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It’s strange being in her head without being able to see her I feel like she’s here, right in front of me I feel like I no her so intihts; I feel welcoe to forget that she’s the one who put this bullet hole in et that she still hates me, despite how hard I’ve fallen for her

And I’ve fallen

So hard

I’ve hit the ground Gone right through it Never inlike this I’ve felt shath I’ve known terror and indifference, self-hate and general disgust I’ve seen things that cannot be unseen

And yet I’ve known nothing like this terrible, horrible, paralyzing feeling I feel crippled Desperate and out of control And it keeps getting worse Every day I feel sick E

Love is a heartless bastard

I’ myself insane

I fall backward onto loves I’ht shifts have left h I’ve been existing in a constant state of exhaustion

My head hits the pillow and I blink once Twice

I collapse

Twenty-Two

"No," I hear myself say "You’re not supposed to be here"

She’s sitting on s outstretched in front of her, crossed at the ankles And while so, there’s another, overwhelly dominant part of me that refuses to accept this Part of me wants to believe she’s really here, inches away froht black dress that keeps slipping up her thighs But everything about her looks different, oddly vibrant; the colors are all wrong Her lips are a richer, deeper shade of pink; her eyes see shoes I know she’d never wear And strangest of all: she’s s at me

"Hi," she whispers

It’s just one word, butaway froainst the headboard, when I realize er wounded I look down atbut a white T-shirt and my underwear

She shifts positions in an instant, propping herself up on her knees before crawling over totoo fast

Her lips are at my ear Her words are so soft "Kiss me," she says

"Juliette--"

"I ca at me It’s a rare sht now, she’s mine She’sto fight it

I don’t want to

Her hands are tugging atit to the floor She leans forward and kisses my neck, just once, so slowly My eyes fall closed

There aren’t enough words in this world to describe what I’

I feel her hands e ofher toin my body is awake I’ve never felt so alive or so desperate in ht now, she’d run out the door and never come back

Because I want her

Now

Here

Everywhere

I want nothing between us

I want her clothes off and the lights on and I want to study her I want to unzip her out of this dress and take my time with every inch of her I can’t help my need to just stare; to know her and her features: the slope of her nose, the curve of her lips, the line of her jaant to run ertips across the soft skin of her neck and trace it all the way down I want to feel the weight of her pressed against me, wrapped around me

I can’t reht or real I can’t focus on anything but the fact that she’s sitting on ht really love me

I wonder if I’ve actually died

But just as I lean in, she leans back, grinning before reaching behind her, never once breaking eye contact with me "Don’t worry," she whispers "It’s ale, so faer and I’ll leave"

"No" I’o--where are you going--"

"You’ll be all right," she says "I pro a gun