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"Ready to get out?" she says

"Yes," I say As I change into ins to turn down the covers on my bed, but I sit on the ottoman and say, "Can you do my makeup?"

"Now?" she says

I nod

And one last tie one of the attendants and ask him to find Linden A fewforto say more, but he stops when he seesnaturally, unsprayed or pri one of Deirdre’s cabled sweaters that’s as fluffy as a cloud, and a billowing black skirt that glitters with black diamonds

"You look very nice," he says

"I was just thinking how I’ve never seen the verandah," I say

He holds out his arm for me "Coround floor, off of a dancing hall that doesn’t get much use All the tables and chairs in the hall are covered in sheets, as though ghosts have fallen asleep after a spectacular party We navigate through the darkness of it, arainst a deep black sky, snow is falling in a dizzying fury like millions of pieces of broken stars

"Maybe it’s too cold to go out," he says

"What are you talking about?" I say "It’s a beautiful night"

The verandah is a simple porch with a love seat and wicker chairs that face the orange groves Linden dusts away the snow, and we sit on the love seat together The snow falls around us, and for the longest time we don’t talk

"It’s okay that you miss her," I say "She was the love of your life"

"Not the only love," he says, and wraps his arms around me I can smell the cold wool of his coat We watch the snow fall for a while And then he says, "It feels wrong to think about her as often as I do"

"You should think about her," I say "Every day You shouldn’t try to look for her anywhere else, because you’ll never find her You’ll see her walking away in a crowded street, and when you reach for her, she’ll turn around and be somebody else"

I did this forat er over his heart "Just keep her here, okay? It’s the only place you’ll always be able to find her"

He sold in his teeth When I first ht they were a symbol of power and status But they are just scars, the result of a fragile little boy whose teeth succu at all

"You seem to know a lot about loss," he says

"I know a thing or two," I say, and restfrom his neck, and the distant clean scent of soap

"I still don’t knohere you came from," he says

"Some days it’s like you just fell from the sky"

"Some days I feel like I did," I say

He weaves his fingers through loves I think I can feel his pulse Our hands are so deceptive, and yet not They look like they belong to a husband and wife; you can see the line of ether, it’s like he can’t havein those hands to indicate the finality of this ain We will never attend another party, or have a baby, or die together in the sauish

Will we die at the sa the coast? I hope Cecily will be there to hold his head in her lap I hope she’ll read to his I hope that by then I will be far from his hn is not as heartless as I think, and that he’ll commit his son’s body to ashes une grove

As for ht I just knoant to spend my final years at home, in Manhattan, with my brother, in the house that our parents left us And with Gabriel, maybe I’ll try to teach him as much as I can about the world, so he’s able to find a job,to do with himself after I’m dead

"Sweetheart, what is it?" Linden says, and I realize there are tears in my eyes It’s so cold that I don’t kno they haven’t frozen

"It’s nothing," I say "I was just thinking about how little ti at hts on his building designs Like he wants to cast himself into my mind He wants to understand, and be understood

In another time, in another place, I wonder ould have been to each other