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"Actually, yes, maybe," I say It sounded better in my head

Gabriel moves the tray from between us, and takes both ofrisk withwide open and everyone home, but for the moment it doesn’t seem to matter "Whether it’s a hurricane or a party, it’s the sa to let you just walk away, and neither is the Housemaster It was months before he’d even let you open youror leave theabout revoking those privileges"

"How do you know that?" I say

"He told all the attendants that if you or Cecily or Jenna wants to use our key cards for the elevator, we have to clear it with him"

"When was this?"

"While you were hooked up to five differentfor your life," he says

"I wasn’t fighting forhis hands "If I’d had ht there and it wouldn’t haveevery day? That river Rhine I think ave o so for my life"

"Go where?"

"I don’t know!" It’s so frustrating to have logic thrown atall my plans seem so hopeless

"But not here Anywhere but here Noill you come with me or not?"

He raises an eyebrow "You’d leave withoutand screa, and eventually he breaks down and flashes me his rare smile

"You’re insane, you know that?" he says

"It’s the only thing keeping me afloat," I say He leans toward, and his hand brushes across my cheek, when a knock on the door frame interrupts

"Sorry to intrude," Deirdre says, indicating the tray in her hands "House you some aspirin"

Gabriel withdraws, but I can see in his eyes that he wants to touch me All he says is, "See you later"

"See you"

Once he’s gone, Deirdre hands lass of water "You weren’t intruding," I say, once I’ve downed the pills "Nothing was going on between Gabriel and me--I ht words, but Deirdre only shn isn’t even here After he askedyou the aspirin, he was called to the hospital" Shetable and returns with a tube of lip balm, which she s my pillow "It’s a nice day Would you like ht," I say She stops fussing over h for me to see the concern in her eyes My faithful little domestic "Really, I’m okay"

"What did the House --at least I thought you were sleeping I cahn was in here and he told uiltily at her feet "I stayed in the hallway I tried to listen in I’m sorry; I know I shouldn’t have It’s just"

There are tears welling in her eyes It’s so unlike her that at first I think"It’s just that I thought he was going to hurt you"

I reach for her hand, which is tre "Why would you think that?"

"Oh, Rhine," she sobs "If you were trying to run away, you can’t try it again You’ll never get out, and he’ll make life hereto run away," I say

She shakes her head "But if he thinks you did, that’s what matters You don’t understand You don’t understand what he’s like when he doesn’t get his way"

"Deirdre" I gently pull her towardto telldown her face She hiccups

"Lady Rose never wanted a baby--she never did She and Houseue all the ti to find the antidote, and she didn’t want another child to be born just so it would die He called her a pro-naturalist I could hear the at each other Once, I had to hide in the closet while I was putting away her laundry, I was so afraid to get in the e of my bed, swipes the tears fronant, even though she hadn’t planned on it, she was excited She asked me to teach her to knit, and she made a blanket for the crib" The one "When she went into labor, Linden ay at an expo And her pain was so extrehn kept her heavily sedated When she cairl didn’t make it, she didn’t believe him She said she’d heard the baby cry He told her she was delirious, that the baby was born dead"

The room suddenly see the incense in the hallway, and I heard it cry too Househn told Lady Rose, ‘You want the huot your wish’"

I can hear Vaughn’s voice in the words, and h the words wereher stomach where hours earlier her child had moved inside her I wish she’d told me this story herself when she was alive, because now I feel an overwhel her and tell her how sorry I ahn is as strong as mine Maybe the only reason she endured him at all was her love for Linden