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A plan foret a different professor to work for I need to find Strictland and ask her to assign , I see Marshal walk through the door He gives lance back, watching him write on the dry-erase board with his back to me When I turn to Marshal, I snap, "Why would I know?"

Marshal givesinto his shoulder because he doesn’t move and I don’t want to stay around to chat

I need to find Strictland Now

_____

When I reach the offices, things appear to be back to normal Student workers are at their desks, professors are hurrying through the space--coffee in one hand, papers in the other--on their way to teach

I walk over to Tadwick’s office and stand in the open door way I spent hours in there Leaning ainst the doorja at all Tadwick’s books, his favorite poeaze drifts to his pictures and so that looks like a squashed cat One of his girlsit in and proudly showing off his future artist He was beaht off the stinging that’s building behind my eyes Life is short I know that, but I can’t believe he’s gone I can’t believe I won’t see hiain It feels unreal My mind wrestles with it and doesn’t want to accept that it’s a fact--Dr Tadwick is dead

A hand lands on my shoulder and I nearly ju hard not to punch the crazy person Sneaking up on me is norry I’ I want to hit sohfa I kno to handle

I don’t kno to handle this

Before I smash in her face, I see Dr Strictland She doesn’t step back or lower her hand when I turn She has that smile on her face, the one that isn’t really a sht, Sidney? I know you and Marshalto force o-to response I’reat Everything sucks My fake s I’m not okay I didn’t expect this I’m not sure what to do"

Strictland looks at aze and not cry "Co her hand, she turns away, and I follow her back to her office

When I was first in here, I thought she was a deranged cat lady There are kitty cat statues and pictures everywhere, and Iplayfully froe cats sit on her shelves, there are cross-stitched kitties on the chairs, and on her desk cat frames surround more pictures of real housecats Seriously It’s scary Eventually, I found out that she had been the victim of a prank and left the cat theme in place when she realized it scared the crap out of people She has an interesting sense of humor

I lower myself onto a stitched kitty and lean back into the chair Strictland walks behind her desk and sits down "Sidney, I know today was hard for you Have you lost anyone before, dear?"

I nod and keep htly infor s I won’t say, secrets I won’t tell I can’t talk about it Not now, not ever "Well, you can talk to a counselor about it and work through the stages of grief It’s better that you’re not alone in this We’re all going to ?"

I glance up at her "They were all right Dr Granz continued with the lesson" I pause and decide to just blurt it out "Is there any way that I could get transferred to another professor?"

Strictland looks surprised She leans forward and places her hands on top of her desk "Why? Is so? Did Dr Granz--"

"No," I say, quickly backtracking "It’s just that I don’t think that I can e to sit in Tadwick’s office every day It’d be soSort of I don’t want to sit there with Peter every day I don’t want to look up at him and remember his hands onme out

Dr Tadwick shakes her head "I’ned for ure out how to deal with this loss, and I’m sure Dr Granz will be happy to help you, unless you’re resigning?" Her eyes widen as she looks atshe wants to do is hire and train a new TA in theI need this job" I look at ht has been chipped away I flash across my mind I see Peter’s eyes and hear his voice echo insideether and shut theto have to suck it up Peter is a part of my life nohether I want him there or not

CHAPTER 6

I’ ular table with Millie and Tia, I walk into the cafeteria and grab soh hordes of students, and sit down next to Millie at a long table in front of the s This entire side of the cafeteria is s The school sunk a buttload of money into the view There’s a lot of brick work, flowers, and super green grass Seriously, it’s too green I thought it was plastic at first Everything around here is that sickly shade of yellow that coht here for the past three years, and it’s easy to tell That’s why this little garden stands out It’s coood when prospective students sit down