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I look over at hi beside theI left hiainst it, crossed arms over his chest I can’t read the emotion in his eyes I know he is confused but he seeitated with me

"God…this is so hard" I whisper to myself I should have known his stupid empty house would aid the words into his ears

"Izzy, I don’t knohat else there could be I already know about hi and look back over at hiht of hteenth birthday

"I wanted it so bad," I whisper again

"What?" He questions, pushing off theand walking over to

I choke down the nervous sob that starts up htly downbad" I choke out, trying desperately to coht now, I have no idea what you’re talking about" He says, his frustration causing hiive me a small shake

I look into his handso, for what has to be the millionth time, what our child would have looked like Unable to take the vision of angelic perfection that crosses my mind, I crashwe have unjustly lost

"The baby" I cry into his chest "The baby I loved with every fiber in le ounce of love for you I had The baby that I wasn’t able to even protect from ives out with the arief that invades my mind and I crumble to the floor before he can catch me Emotions I have worked so hard to push back and lock away are floodingpowerful wails to escape me

"No, baby…no!" I hear him cry over my breakdown I feel rather than see his body drop to the floor next to ins to rockon his shoulder and my nose buried in the war we sit like that, it felt like hours but it could have only been s wrapped tightly aroundmy face, that I looked up to ht now He is doing nothing to hide the evidence of his despair Never in all the years that I have known this man, have I ever seen him shed one tear besides the one I felt when I was in the hospital There are only a few tears that escape before he see with the effort of his control

"Baby, fuck…Princess, I had no clue, no fucking clue" I take his face between my hands and wipe his tears aith ; he wants to knohat happened to our baby

I take a deep breath and finish what needs to be said "I had just marked the end ofand I lost our baby" I whisper, keeping my eyes to his while I tell hi I could have done; it was just God’s will" I shake ainst his strong chest "It was ht

He stills at that I can hear the wheels turning in his head, the pieces finally fitting together "The club? That’s what Greg was talking about wasn’t it" A statement He knows There really isn’t any question about it Of all the days he could have walked back into my life; that was the worst

"Yeah The club" I reply

We sit there, hiainst htly around his body His ars are stretched out on either side of my balled up for we can

Each other

It’s hard forthe heaviness of the situation, but he hasn’t had any time to even process the fact that there was a baby We would have had a child,hearts we both know that any child ould have reatest acco babies ourselves

"I bet she would have looked just like you, that round beautiful face with the softest of skin and the palest eyes you ever saw Hair that would catch fire when she ran through the yard, laughter that would make even the surliest of bastards sainstto blanket the sadness He’s trying to reassurehie of his handsoest face you ever did see on any child Hair so dark it would give reen you would have se robbed a jewelry store He would have been so brave and strong Just perfect And I would have loved hi on a soft catch that gives hten our sadness, but there is no getting around the fact that we both have lost and lost hard

"Never again, Izzy West I will never again let anyone take you fro between us both as a promise and a threat