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I HURTLED awake shrieking, then vanished alony abruptly ceased, and, floating in the grayness,truth that I&039;d failed

Solid again Lying as before on the office couch Blood-s-dried rust brown blood on the lighter brown leather by my head Hole in the leather froht through my skull

I still lived Would continue to live

God da over me

I&039;d never seen such a look on his face Infinite rage Infinite pain It was raw as an open wound and still bled, the pain carving deep lines into his gray flesh

"You bastard," he whispered

I h to scorch as left of my soul Why couldn&039;t I have just stayed dead?

"You bastard You idiotic, selfish bastard" There was enough venoaze Maybe he would get fed up and leave, then I&039;d find soun Wood pellets in the cartridges Ugly I&039;d have to blohole head off So be it

Anger like a living force rolled froht he had hit me His fists shook at his sides He trembled all over "You bloody coward! Did you even think hoould be for her walking upstairs, opening the door, and finding you?"

Bobbi He was talking about Bobbi

"How could you do that to her?"

I&039;d done it for her He just didn&039;t understand "She saw?"

"No, thank God Instead I caed Better hiuess

"I&039;ve waited all day to see if you&039;d bloody wake up All bloody day, DAMN you!"

"And I woke up," I murmured to myself

His lips twisted Teeth showed "How could you do this to-"

"Because I hurt, dammit!"

"And how do you think she&039;d have felt?"

"She&039;d get over it She&039;s better off withoutand didn&039;t duck He hauled back and landed one square and hard, one of his best It knocked me clean from the couch He&039;d knoouldn&039;t feel er, not to cause pain

I had plenty of that already

"Get your head out of your backside and think of soe-"

"I was! Don&039;t you see? I&039;ood to her or anyone like this And I hurt!"

"We all hurt! But you don&039;t inflict your pain on others by doing this!"

I dragged off the floor onto the couch again "Yeah-yeah, well, too bad, I thought it over, and it&039;s better for everyone if I&039;ain and knocked ain Much harder The second time made bruises

Daet up

He got a good one square on my nose I heard and felt it break While he rubbed his battered knuckles and glowered, I sat ass flat on the floor with blood slobbering down my chin

"What the hell&039;s with you?" I snarled, snuffling h!"

"That&039;s no excuse!"

"It is I&039; yourself you won&039;t!"

"I can&039;t live like this! Every night it gets worse-"

"So you have a few bad ave you a reaction you don&039;t like Very scary, I&039; to let that destroy you? Destroy Bobbi-"

"It&039;s not your business, Charles This is my choice, only I knohat it&039;s like into the people who care about you Don&039;t you give a tinker&039;s da to Bobbi?"

"Since when do you have to butt in about her? I never asked"

"But she did! We&039;re here to help, but you shut us out-especially Bobbi You&039;re ripping her apart"

"That&039;s what I&039; not to do! This is to save her, dammit!"

"How?" he demanded

The words stuck in my throat

"How?" he roared He rose, loomed over me

"Because"

"What? Come on, tell me! Save her from what?"

I couldn&039;t It was too o to hell!"

"Tell rappled him, pulled him toward the door to throw hied my nose, in another minute I&039;d fall into another daot his arrip and threw another punch, this ti force behind it, powered by adrenaline and sheer fury; I doubled over and dropped

His face was so distorted I didn&039;t know him "Tell me! You don&039;t know, do you?"

I spat blood "Get out! It&039;s none of your damn-"

Then he really started in Brakes off Down the mountain Full tilt

Escott was always in control of himself That iron reserve had only ever slipped once He&039;d been blind drunk, then

Now he&039;d gone lunatic He got me up only to knock ainst the wood floor again and again, cursing ed, could killhim to cut loose If he pounded ht I&039;d have to suffer through He pummeled until his sweat ran and his face went bloated and scarlet from the effort, until his breath sawed and he finally lost his balance and fell against the desk and ended on the floor, too, glaring at ht choice about killingto theet e Bristow&039;s torture had left No one needed to see me like this I didn&039;t want to see me like this

Neither of usand ignored Escott My head thundered, and when I blinked the ceiling dipped and pulled a sick- half spin Shut my eyes, kept still With no need to breathe it was as close to being dead as I could get at night Not close enough, though

I felt it couts, settling cold intobetween my clenched teeth as the shakes took et a good look at the crazyNo escape Was stuck solid because of the wood Damn you, Charles

"Jack, stop it!"

"I c-can&039;t!"

"Oh, yes, you bloody can"

He hit ain, an open-handed crack across the mouth

It didn&039;t work, either Another strike Another

I was kitten weak, li me

Damn you

"Come out of it, damn your eyes!"

Crack

"You&039;re better than this!"

Tried to push hiht hi, harder, ht-out-of-his- Wouldn&039;t let up All that rage

"Da

I hit back Full force

Wasn&039;t sure when I woke out of it Gradual return of awareness, of senses

Of pain A lot of that Body pain for a change, not soul pain That was there soh Had to be

Pain followed by perception, then growing horror

Escott&039;s body lay across the office on the floor under the s He faced away from me and was very, very still

Could not move myself Only stare

Oh, God no

"Ch-Charles?"

No response Stillness

"Charles!"

Nothing

I crawled over to him, afraid to touch him, but I had to see

A heartbeat in the silence

His

Damn near fainted from the relief There was life in him, but turned him, very carefully He was a bloody mess in the literal sense I checked his eyes, rolled up in their sockets He was definitely out for the count

Crawled to the desk, dragged down the phone, and called for an ambulance I could barely see to do it, barely speak to the operator

He groaned as I hung up Went back to hi, see I went to the liquor cabinet and got the brandy Wet his split lips

"You bastard," he finally said

"I&039;m sorry, Charles I&039;m so sorry"

"Good"

"Help&039;s on the way, you just hang on"

"Oh, I&039;ive you the satisfaction, you sorry bastard"

"Just don&039;tokay? Your ribs? I could have broken some"

"Shut up, Jack Check me, see for yourself"

I didn&039;t understand him, but he clawed for one ofhard beneath his coat

"Think I&039;ht with you without preparation?"

He had on his bulletproof vest There was steel plating underperht you were dead"

"And how did it feel?"

"How do you think?"

"I already know, you fool" He sounded tired, tired to death "I went through it forif you&039;d wake at sundown Not knowing, not daring to hope Hours of it The whole ti what I&039;d done, what I&039;d not done, how I&039;d failed you Reading over and over the unfinished notes you wrote Wondering how I could ever break the news to Bobbi"

Stunned, I watched tears stream from his eyes He seemed unaware of the up For not talking to us, to anyone You gave up I can&039;t forgive you for that"

I lurched away, tottering blindly to the washroom, made it to the basin just in time

It was all red What was left of Hoyle&039;s blood flooded out of ain Or weeping I hurt too much to know the difference

When the bout passed, I crept back to the office and sat on the floor I didn&039;t trust myself not to fall out of a chair

Escott had propped hiainst the wall His puffed and bruised eyes were hot with fresh anger

"How long did Bristow torture you?" he asked

What?

"How long did it go on? Tell uess" I wouldn&039;t have had enough blood in me to last beyond that "So what?"

"An hour Think of it One hour"

I didn&039;t want to think of it "What are you getting at?"

"One Hour Out of the whole of your life"

What the

"How many hours have you lived, Jack?"

"How the hell should I know?"

"How many hours are ahead of you?"

"Charles-"

"An unli to let all that&039;s come before and all that can follow be utterly destroyed by one tiny increainst the broader span of time? It&039;s one hour of your life, Jack Only one"

"The worst I ever had"

"There&039;s worse to co about yourself And I don&039;t le hour control you Hog Bristow is still torturing you so long as you allow it"

"Allow? You think I want this?"

"You&039;re stuck in that damned meat locker until you make up your mind to leave"

"You don&039;t understand I&039;ve done things"

"Then cease doing them, you fool!"

"I can&039;t help it"

"Of course you can! You&039;re the strongestto hear you bleat on like that While you&039;re buried in your hole for the day, Bobbi and I have to wonder what it&039;s going to be like when you wake up We&039;re walking on eggs the whole night catering to you, trying not to add to your pain Do you think we can&039;t see you bleeding inside?"

"She hatesidiot! She loves you! You&039;re so turned in on yourself you can&039;t see that You&039;d rather sit there and whine than accept such a precious gift"

"I could hurt her, the way I hurt you Worse"

"Bollocks! Ultimately, you are in control, you are responsible You can cower and let your fear run rae Don&039;t tell me you can&039;t If I can do it, you can, too"

"What do you"After what happened to my friends in Canada, those murders they were ht I couldn&039;t sleep forDrankI ever faced in the War was that awful It was Shoe who finally helped et control of myself or"

"What?"

"Or he&039;d beat the hell out of aze inward for a moment Then, "I had to clier now than I ever was then And you&039;re not alone You are still needed here This isn&039;t your time"

I wanted to believe him

"And however you think you could hurt Bobbi, it couldn&039;t possibly be worse than taking yourself away Don&039;t put her through that, Jack You&039;re her rock Don&039;t cru"

"Because you&039;re here! Stay! Stay for her sake Or I swear I will beat the hell out of you again"

The white-jackets cauys who had to have seen everything, they gave us a double take

"You can&039;t ride in with us," one of the another shot at Escott

"I&039;ll follow then"

He didn&039;t seeone in a minute I looked for my coat, couldn&039;t find it, and borrowed Escott&039;s instead A very neat and organizedon the floor like old laundry Must have had it draped over one arm when he&039;d walked in and seen the inert, bloodied mess on the couch

He&039;d have stood frozen in the doorway a , jolting ood time to talk, but Escott would kill me if I brushed her off "Hello, sweetheart How are you?" I hoped nothing to tip her off was invery cheerful and awake Quite a change from the last call Certainly she was unaware of what I&039;d tried to do "When you coht away, I&039;ve got to-"

"Oh, Jacky, you&039;ve been busy every night this week" Her voice went sharp, shrewish, petulant

What the hell? I went cold Deathly cold "Well, Roberta, I got things to do"

She was pouty now, and coiven name "Oh, come on I&039;ll irl ten lousy ut "Well, , you&039;ll wanna stay longer" She giggled seductively

"Okay, but I gotta to do soain in an hour and let you know if I can get away You&039;ll have to hold your horses until then"

"You&039;ll call in an hour?"

"And you better answer, sweetheart, or just forget about having any fun tonight"

"I&039;ll be here Make it a fast hour" She hung up

Before I are of having moved I was down the stairs, heart in my throat

But an apparition stood square in themy way I was in such a panic that the out-of-place presence didn&039;t register I nearly collided, then halted at the last second, backing in confusion from a snub-nosed revolver shoved hard into un, bewildered, backed another step, then truly focused on theit: Whitey Kroun

He orse for wear, eyebrows gone and soed off There were cuts on his burn-reddened face, and his left hand was crudely bandaged His torn and bloodied clothes stank of s, solid, and very much alive

"Surprised?" he asked, his voice whisper-hoarse

My lack of reply was answer enough

"Thought you&039;d be" His dark eyes blazed "All right, you son-of-a-bitch punk, you tell me why you tried to kill me"

"What?" I didn&039;t have time for this

"You set me up, but for the life of aame It wasn&039;t et Was it some kind of deal with Gordy?"

"Kroun, listen to htened to fire He would shoot to wound Killing would coo looking for him!"

Kroun hesitated "Mitchell No I don&039;t think so"

"Why the hell not?"

He ot with one of his old pals from here and they cooked up the bomb I donno if he wants to take over your spot in New York or Gordy&039;s spot here like he wanted before, but you gotta believeaway-I knohere he&039;s hiding!"

"Uh-huh The hell you do" He swung the muzzle up toward un froave him a push He spun around, but without his heater he was in no shape to take ed up pretty bad I couldn&039;t see hoas able to walk He should have been in the aht better of it "You&039;re comin&039; with irlfriend You want proof? Co it closed behind, and going left "Into that Nash"

Kroun was li was crusted brown frounned the motor, shifted, and shot us away

"What&039;s with you?" I asked

"Got sohed most of it out by now, but jeez"

"What else?"

"Some burns, the concussion from the boo"

"How the hell did you survive?"

"Gordy&039;s car"

"What about it?"

"The da&039;s built like a safe There&039;s somost of the blast went down and sideways, not up and out The boet around all that arht , only that I was doing it The whole thing was smoke inside, and I couldn&039;t see, but I found the door handle and rolled clear and kept rolling My eyes atering, but there was another boo There were some trash cans on the street, and I hid behind the else, so I stayed there"

"And you didn&039;t show yourself thinking I&039;d done that?"

"I was too da The whole street was fulla stinkin&039; s else dropped onPicked the lock, went in, and coughed uts out for a few hours"

"You couldn&039;t call anyone? Even New York?"

"I was thinking again by then, and it didn&039;t seeood idea Witharound, and I don&039;t knoho&039;s who in this town, so I sat tight and rested up I thought I&039;d give it a day, then go after you for answers, but your goddamned club was closed"

"Yet you cauys with the aet about it"

"How do you know Mitch is with your girl?"

"I think he er, the blond?"

"Yeah She tipped et there fast in case she didn&039;t get aith it"

"God, I hate this business," said Kroun, between clenched teeth

I parked on the side of the hotel opposite Bobbi&039;s flat Mitchell could be watching fronizein If he saw Kroun, it would be a disaster

We went in through a smaller entry that led to the lobby and the elevators There was still an operator on duty; I gave hiot a red-eyed stare in return then focused on his job When he opened the doors again I waited until he descended before heading for the stairs at the end of the hall

"What&039;s this?" Kroun asked He was gray of face as we hurried along

"I don&039;t want Mitchell hearing the elevator stop on her floor" At the service door, I listened, then cautiously opened it The hall, identical to the one we&039;d left, was empty "Okay, here&039;s the deal: There&039;s a servants entrance to her flat, and I&039;ve got the key I can sneak in that way, but I need you to knock on the front door to get his attention"

"Then what?"

"Just knock He ht think it&039;s h the door"