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THE DOORMAN MUST HAVE buzzed up as soon as Jake entered the lobby, because his father was standing outside the elevator when it opened on the fifth floor El faded jeans and cowboy boots that improved his five-ten to a rootin, tootin six feet His black, crewcut hair bolted up fro as Jake could remem-ber, his father had looked like ashock As soon as Jake stepped out of the elevator, Chambers seized him by the arm
"Look at you!" His father&039;s eyes flicked up and down, taking in Jake&039;s dirty face and hands, the blood drying on his cheek and temple, the dusty pants, the torn blazer, and the burdock that clung to his tie like some peculiar clip "Get in here! Where the hell have you been? Your ourd!"
Without giving Jake a chance to answer, he dragged hi in the archway between the dining roouarded sympathy, then disappeared before the eyes of "the mister" could chance upon her
Jake&039;s ot to her feet when she saw Jake, but she did not leap to her feet; neither did she pelt across to the foyer so she could cover him with kisses and invective As she cauessed she&039;d had at least three Valium since noonMaybe four Both of his parents were firh che! Where have you been?" Shebeen so it rhy an acquaintance who had been involved in a minor traffic accident
"Out," he said
His father gave hih shake Jake wasn&039;t prepared for it He stuain, and he was suddenly furious Jake didn&039;t think his father was pissed because he had disappeared fro only his mad composition behind; his father was pissed because Jake had had the temerity to fuck up his own precious schedule
To this point in his life, Jake had been aware of only three feelings about his father: puzzlement, fear, and a species of weak, confused love Now a fourth and fifth surfaced One was anger; the other was disgust Mixed in with these unpleasant feelings was that sense of hoht noeaving through everything else like smoke He looked at his father&039;s flushed cheeks and screa at the rose and listening to the choir This is not ht Not anymore I have work to do If only I knehat it was
"Let go of me," he said
"What did you say to me?" His father&039;s blue eyes widened They were very bloodshot tonight Jake guessed he had been dipping heavily into his supply of ic powder, and that probably made this a bad time to cross him, but Jake realized he intended to cross him just the same He would not be shaken like a ht Maybe not ever again He suddenly realized that a large part of his anger stemmed from one simple fact: he could not talk to the They had closed all the doors
But I have a key, he thought, and touched its shape through the fabric of his pants And the rest of that strange verse occurred to hi the BEAM today
"I said let go of ot a sprained ankle and you&039;re hurting it"
"I&039;ll hurt more than your ankle if you don&039;t - "
Sudden strength seemed to How into Jake He seized the hand clamped on his arm just below the shoulder and shoved it violently away His father&039;s mouth dropped open
"I don&039;t work for you," Jake said "I&039;ot, check the picture on your desk"
His father&039;s upper lip pulled back from his perfectly capped teeth in a snarl that o parts surprise and one part fury "Don&039;t you talk to me like that, mister - where in the hell is your respect?"
"I don&039;t know Maybe I lost it on the way hoodda your fat, disrespectful mouth - "
"Stop it! Stop it, both of you!" Jake&039;s mother cried She sounded near tears in spite of the tranquilizers perking through her system
Jake&039;s father reached for Jake&039;s ar force hich his son had torn his hand away ato do with it Or perhaps it was only the look in Jake&039;s eyes "I want to knohere you&039;ve been"
"Out I told you that And that&039;s all I&039; to tell you"
"Fuck that! Your headmaster called, your French teacher actually came here, and they both had beaucoup questions for you! So do I, and I want some answers!"
"Your clothes are dirty," his ed, Johnny? Did you play hookey and get ed," El his watch, isn&039;t he?"
"But there&039;s blood on his head"
"It&039;s okay, Mom I just bu to go to bed I&039;m very, very tired If you want to talk about this in the , okay Maybe we&039;ll all be able toto say"
His father took a step after hi out
"No, Elmer!" Jake&039;s nored her He grabbed Jake by the back of the blazer "Don&039;t you just walk away fro the blazer out of his hand The seah purring sound
His father saw those blazing eyes and stepped away The rage on his face was doused by so that looked like terror That blaze was not metaphorical; Jake&039;s eyes actually seethless little screa steps backward, and dropped into her rocking chair with a small thud
"Leaveme alone," Jake said
"What&039;s happened to you?" his father asked, and now his tone was almost plaintive "What in the hell&039;s happened to you? You bug out of school without a word to anyone on the first day of exams, you come back filthy froone crazy"
Well, there it was - you act as if you&039;ve gone crazy What he&039;d been afraid of ever since the voices started three weeks ago The Dread Accu-sation Only now that it was out, Jake found it didn&039;t frighten him much at all, perhaps because he had finally put the issue to rest in his ownBut no - he had not gone crazy At least, not yet
"We&039;ll talk about it in theroom, and this time his father didn&039;t try to stop him He had almost reached the hall when his mother&039;s voice, worried, stopped hiht?"
And what should he answer? Yes? No? Both of the above? Neither of the above? But the voices had stopped, and that was so That was, in fact, quite a lot
"Better," he said at last He went down to his room and closed the door fir firmly shut between him and all the rest of the round world filled him with tremen-dous relief
20
HE STOOD BY THE door for a little while, listening His mother&039;s voice was only a murmur, his father&039;s voice a little louder
Hisabout blood, and a doctor
His father said the kid was fine; the only thing wrong with the kid was the junk co out of his mouth, and he would fix that
Hisdown
His father said he was calm
His mother said -
He said, she said, blah, blah, blah Jake still loved them - he was pretty sure he did, anyway - but other stuff had happened now, and these things had swith the rose And ain, as blue as the sky above the way station had been
Jake walked slowly over to his desk, re his blazer as he went It was pretty wasted - one sleeve torn al like a li it over the back of his chair, then sat down and put the books on his desk He had been sleeping very badly over the last week and a half, hut he thought tonight he would sleep well He couldn&039;t re, perhaps he would knohat to do
There was a light knock at the door, and Jake turned warily in that direction
"It&039;s Mrs Shaw, John May I come in for a minute?"
He smiled Mrs Shaw - of course it was His parents had drafted her as an interht be a better word
You go see hi with him I&039;m his mother and this man with the bloodshot eyes and the runny nose is his father and you&039;re only the housekeeper, but he&039;ll tell you what he wouldn&039;t tell us Because you see e
She&039;ll have a tray, Jake thought, and when he opened the door he was s
Mrs Shaw did indeed have a tray There were two sandwiches on it, a wedge of apple pie, and a glass of chocolateat Jake with e forward and try to bite her Jake looked over her shoulder, but there was no sign of his parents He i anxiously
"I thought youto eat," Mrs Shaw said