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In an Undetermined Otherside Location Not Quite in Hell

Overduke Anton was not a ht him the wisdom of calm; it had been decades since his last outburst in childhood He forgot all about self-control for a whole , s fall he expected to be dashed into soood Panic and shock required expression, so he vented them Fully

Then he had to draw breath, and a distant part of his mind informed him that he should have struck that unknown solidity by now He risked opening his eyes a tiny crack - the blood-red clouds stinking of sulfur still unnerved him - to ascertain just what had happened to hi pleasant

He still see, yet the clouds re about hi at the sa his bewildered wits and forcing the in some other place than his Black Room As there were no cloudy red abysses anywhere near Ru visions, hallucinations, drugged kidnapping, and drunkenness What remained he did not care for at all, as it ed to shove him into an Otherside place, a not very nice one froawds, he could see! Never had his physical vision been so clear before His circuht took away a bit of its edge But where and hoas he? He didn&039;t feel right, not bodily

His hands, he noted, were not his own The fingers and nails were all wrong and the gar him - he&039;d never worn this drab brown color that he could remember The same went for the trousers, robe, and boots He felt his face and hair Oh, yes, those rong What else? Nooh, nonot that

Fresh horror blooratitude Everything was there, hopefully in working order Hastily, he pulled up the hem of his tunic, opened his trousers, and checked their contents Good gawds That wasn&039;t his wedding tackle What in the na had Cadmus done to him?

Before he could crue in the sulfurous red air The unforgiving hard surface he anticipated occurred, only he seeood So far as it went

He stood upright just as the clouds began to thin and whisk away Intuition ht anywhere with his pants down

Dignity restored, Anton looked about hihtand pro clouds before hi it, as it looked exactly like the night past The eyes were the sa shriek like all the souls that ever died cried out their torh trapped within The deer, and smellier than the vision, and the earth - or whatever it was Anton now stood upon - shook as it walked

It loo hate, then bared several rows of needle-sharp teeth, snuffling to get his scent, glowering doith fiery eyes

Despite a profound instinctual urge to pelt away shrieking, Anton held his ground In the vision he&039;d dreaht he was, there would be no point atteot out of this place to tell the tale "Hallo, there," he ventured

The deain, belched out fetid breath, and roared A very unsettling sound "You&039;re not Darmo," it pronounced with dark certainty

Anton didn&039;t quite kno to respond to that Dars?

"Not Darain, ominously

"Erno Not as such" Anton didn&039;t recognize the voice he used to respond It wasn&039;t the one he&039;d been born with, but someone else&039;s Almost familiar, but not Was this how Botello sounded inside his own head? A tiny little inkling of the terrible truth began to trickle into Anton&039;s consciousness

Ru sli from its jaws "Then who the hell are you?" it wanted to know

Dar Filima had once led an ordinary sort of life, otherwise she wouldn&039;t have been able to unbend enough to sit around a kitchen with Shankey and watch while I puttered and put things together for food She had the de as the lady of theto the situation Anyone born to the life wouldn&039;t have adjusted She did a very nice slu all cute and adorable I wanted to tell her that, but in her ed me

Shankey turned out to be the snob of theto sit down until she specifically told hiainst her; it was just his training After I located and raided a stout keg we each had a beer and that helped things along It wasn&039;t as potent as Cleh

At this hour the staff was all in bed; we had the place to ourselves, and however huge the rooht, but cozy I had good night vision, but used redients for the feast I planned Though Terrin had top cookery training, even he couldn&039;t match my skill at made-from-scratch pizza

As this wasn&039;t the Earth I knew, there were differences in the food, but dough was dough and cheese was cheese nearly everywhere in the Multiverse Tomato sauce was trickier, but I letlike it in a cooler crock They called it wolf apple smash, and warned that I&039;d need honey to take out the tartness

I tasted the red sauce Toar is a smelly leaf that costs way too much This hat I wanted "Just needs salt"

"Salt?" Filima was scandalized "You&039;ll ruin it"

"Trusthere? We should be helping Terrin!"

"Trust e just keep clear You clean up the mess he leaves only after he&039;s done"

"But I can help hi it for teeks, right? Not ot the ic for it"

"So do I," she ue player could throw a baseball, but not like Nolan Ryan I kept the coet the reference, and two, if she did, she&039;d beshe didn&039;t have the same level of expertise as Terrin I was sure she knew that, but guilt and desperation to fix things had to be clouding her thinking Now that she&039;d broken down and confessed all, she wanted action and to be a part of it

"Just chill and go with the flow," I said, hoping to sound reassuring "Terrin knohat he&039;s doing"

He needed his space and isolation to concentrate Sure, he could block out distractions, even hubba-hubba babes like Filima, unless she made a point to put herself in the otten that was a forgone conclusion He&039;d turn real cranky then Better to keep them apart until it was time

Ti and on its way

Sooner or later

Not now, but not never

I&039;d have been bored (not to ht as well have a snack

My s around Rumpock confirmed that this world not only lacked pizza, but oefully behind on the concept of delivery food, period If it turned out ere stuck here permanently I planned to correct that lack and o into partnership with Cleood kitchen all set up I could be "Myhr the Singing Pizza Cat, Your Order in Thirty Minutes or It&039;s Free" Hon society Have to come up with a different pro cups this place had a different syste I never bothered to learn imperial or h Shankey knew a thing or three about baking ovens -for me Man, back home I&039;d have had to pay extra for the taste that would coh there were only two inabout pizza parlors back home as I mixed, rolled, and tossed It kept Fili the dough overhead like a juggler

I spread it out on a close cousin to a cookie sheet, poured on wolf apple sarlic, then loaded on toppings like sliced sausage, mushrooreat," I said in response to their horrified looks Apparently no one had ever cole dish before I was the first ever to do so on this world and forMy audience ot another round of beer for the table

"What&039;s going to happen to me?" Fili to do with how her digestion would react to the pizza "In relation to?"

"When the town finds out what I&039;ve done What Botello did"

"They won&039;t," said Shankey

"They could," she countered "We all scry on each other unless we think to put up protections I&039;ht know already"

"I doubt it," I said "Botello had that spot shielded up the wahzoo or so down there would have been astrally noticed by soht"

Shankey agreed "If anyone had found out, he would have stepped forward by now and spoken to the overduke"

"Unless it&039;s that idiot Cadmus" Filiic all the tilethat could help us?"

She shrugged, her eyes dull from the beer "He&039;s the honorable sort ould have stepped forward by now He&039;d want to help out against the Hell-river Even he&039;s not that dim - except where I&039;ht it would further his suit, I&039;m sure I&039;m certain he scrys on me all the time I put up protections, but he could find a way around thelance at me - "what if he&039;s really in love with you?"

"I don&039;t want to think about that Poor Botello&039;s not cold in his tomb yet"

Poor Botello???

Shankey was equally scandalized "My lady, Lord Botello tried to feed you to a deet involved with another ood and ready!"

That would be about twenty years fro behind Filiht the h women to understand when to shut up

"Wooo, that&039;s sure se the subject I peered into the depths of the baking oven The crust was just starting to brown, the shredded cheese toof beer "Takes longer to put it together than to cook," she observed

"And less tie"

"We won&039;t finish all that"

"No problee kid who&039;s pulled an all-nighter" If and when Terrin co he&039;d want a sizable chunk of the feast too

And speak of the devil, he sauntered in There wasn&039;t a speck of dust on hie pizza," I said

"Coolies" He sat at the table next to Filima If she&039;d just look at me with that kind of anticipation

"Well?" she deed "You want the bad news first? Or the bad news first?"

"That&039;s supposed to be good news/bad news," I pointed out

"Not this time Got any beer left?"

"Did you find out what Botello was doing?" she asked, eyebrows and voice going higher

"Yeah, and it ain&039;t good frole"

"You broke the code?"

He curled his lip in disgust "Code? You call that a code? More like shorthand notes I didn&039;t bother"

"But how did you - ?"

"I just held the stuff for awhile and felt up the vibes he left behind He uys are in deep kion of beer "You&039;re scaring the lady"

"That&039;s awright, she can take it But one thing - that little tiff in the base"

The offhand way he said it pounded the point home We stared at each other for a bad moment They went pale and so did I - under the fur It felt the way pale should feel, anyway "Well, go on"

He slugged back the beer, all of it, and cut loose with a monumental belch I swear the walls shook "That&039;s better" He leaned forward "Okay, it&039;s like this: Botello&039;s studies got hi portals between planes Myhr and I do that all the ti deal because I knohat I&039;"

I stifled a snort

He heard "I knohat I&039;ht he knew, but didn&039;t really Most beginners are like that All they see are the special effects, they don&039;t get the wherefores of the underlying work behind theroove to the flash and dazzle Lazy twits"

"The scrying mirror was a portal? Into Hell?"

"Give the cat a kewpie doll Botello had enough personal power to open one and probably thought he could control whatever ca in a fast and dirty way, not how you&039;re supposed to All those jars and liquids and junk were part of his conjuring Amateur stuff No real wizard who knows his noodles has to bother It&039;s a- years of it, which he didn&039;t bother with - you get those four working ss like props"

"Okay we get that, and that Botello was opening portals better left shut Why?"

"Oh, pul-ease! For power, of course"

"Power" I felt a bit of a let-down "That&039;s it?"

"Pretty much Of course, what he was after was a mash of Panavision, Technicolor, Cineital sound with subwoofers only elephants can hear kind of power"

I got what he was saying, even if Filima and Shankey were lost "Serious shit kind of power"

"The ic power?" asked Shankey, visibly floundering at what to hiabble-words He was on for a refill "Yuppers Only kind worth having There&039;s just a few little proble in return The Multiverse is strict on checks and balances Make it rain in one field, another one goes dry - those are the rules; you deal with them Botello the do-it-yourselfer on a roll decided he was above that He started sht he was in control, and the de it Then when he was thoroughly addicted to what they fed hi what in return?" I asked, topping off his flagon

"Knowledge about this side of Reality Anything they can use that ht break down the barriers They want to be here because Hell is hell The more they find out about this side the more they want it, but hate it at the same time The way other countries look at America They want the mod-cons decadence - cheap fast food, blue jeans, and flush toilets - but since they can&039;t get thee tourist wallets and blow up e news"

I looked at Filiet that?"

She shook her head "Botello found a way of bringing demons into this side of Reality? And they want to be here?"

"So far, they only ed it for short periods in his downstairs Black Room," said Terrin "Crappy as that place was, it&039;s still better than Hell If that was all he showed them of this side they&039;d want it Want it bad Beer?"