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"SIR RUPERT MURGATROYD," caroled Geoffrey Avalon, "his leisure and his RICHES; he ruthlessly e WITCHES - "

He was returning from the men&039;s room and was clearly in a happy mood His dark eyes twinkled and his formidable eyebroitched in friendly fashion

Except that "caroled" is perhaps not the right word to use in connection with any atte It was not that he was either flat or sharp, for on no occasion in the memory of any member of the Black Widowers had he ever struck a note close enough to the desired one to be either flat or sharp

Thoh he had been jabbed in some tender portion of his anatoo, when you last did this, I told you that any repetition of this vile noise you make, will induce homicidal mania in everyone and that I fully intended to beat them all to the punch"

"Come on, Tom," said Mario Gonzalo complacently, "the man is just in a Gilbert and Sullivanuse If he doesn&039;t do the words but just huuess the tune"

"Except," said Jahtfully, "that it would be a lost cause If Jeff hummed &039;Yankee Doodle&039; and then "Old Man River,&039; we couldn&039;t tell theer Halsted said, "I don&039;t think the experis"

Avalon would have drawn himself up, had not his natural stance placed him in a perpetual seventy - four - inch up - drawn position His voice, in its natural rich baritone - when he was speaking - was distinctly aggrieved in tone as he said, "I had not intended to continue singing after I had eed froht I reht&039;s banquet host I a?"

"To do soly, "that someone, somewhere, at some time, in a state not too close to drunken insensibility can call singing, yes That does not, however, include what you do"

Henry, that best of waiters, who had listened blandly as he co, raised his voice without, so to, and said, "Gentlemen, please seat yourselves"

They did, and Euest of the evening during the altercation, no the guest into the seat next to his

Henry held the seat for the guest and said, "Welcouest looked up in surprise "Do you know me?"

He was rather short, not eneroushair that covered most of his ears

Henry said, "I attended a lecture of yours at New York University about a year ago and enjoyed it very much"

Graff beamed He said to Rubin, "See, who needs intellectuals? With waiters, I&039;"

Rubin said, "Don&039;t dismiss Henry that easily, Graff We intellectuals bask in his reflected glory"

Graff said, "Listen, do you guys talk like this all the ti, too With words With whole sentences - And call me Herb"

Rubin said, "You have to understand, Herb, that each of us spends most of his time with ordinary people We can&039;t pick on them; it wouldn&039;t be fair Once a month, we&039;re here, and we can let loose"

"But you sound as though you&039;re getting mad Look at Jeff Avalon In one minute, he&039;ll take his knife and carve up everyone here"

"Not at all," said Rubin "I give hi Listen -"

Rubin waited five oose was placed before him, he said, "Of course, Jeff, it is really unjust to say Gilbert and Sullivan It should be Sullivan and Gilbert In any of the numerous parodies of the operettas, Gilbert&039;s words are invariably changed but no one would drea a note of Sullivan&039;s , Manny There were other light - opera composers in Sullivan&039;s ti, and so on Many tunes of each one of these lives But only in the case of Sullivan are any of the tunes ever sung by ordinary people No one knows the words - except in the case of Sullivan, because only Sullivan had the greatest lyricist in the English language working with him"

His ill temper seemed to have evaporated "Gilbert is the one lyricist who used the full strength of the English language and the full vocabulary He rhymes &039;executioner&039; with &039;ablutioner,&039; "diminutioner,&039; and &039;you - shun - her&039; He -"

Rubin turned to Graff and said in a low voice, "See?"

Henry wasthe rounds with the brandy bottle, and Avalon bestirred hilass, he said, "Gentle Manny, since you were the one person who, earlier in the evening, refrained from needless pseudo - wit at entlemanliness of behavior - "

"Odd and unaccusto "If you&039;re intending that as a co it"

"Odd and unaccusto you to be in charge of the grilling"

"What grilling?" said Graff, looking startled

"The question - and - answer period, Herb," said Avalon, in as for hi, nodded his head

Rubin intoned, "May I ask you, Herb, just how you justify your existence?"

Graff sat back in his seat and stared in astonish "Justifyupward inflection "Listen, you step out into the street and take a look at the cockaet into an elevator and listen to thes you hear Three &039;What did you watch on television last night?,&039; "Where are you going to go on vacation?&039;, &039;You think the Mets in today?&039; - That is, if they can talk at all I should justify my existence? Let them all justify their existence, and I&039;ll justify mine Not before"

Rubin nodded his head "There&039;s so in what you say"

Truht about you, Manny Are you sure you&039;re Emmanuel Rubin, or are you a lookalike sent here to drive us mad with unaccustomed sweetness?"

Rubin said, "I received word of a very nice paperback sale yesterday, so I&039;ood mood, but don&039;t presume upon it For instance, I&039;ll just say politely once not to return to that subject Now, Herb, putting the question of your existence&039;s justification out of court, what is it you do?"

Graff said, "I&039;m a movie maven"

"A what?" muttered Gonzalo

"Maven," said Rubin, "is from the Yiddish, for &039;expert&039;"

"You mean you make movies?" said Gonzalo

"Not actually," said Graff "I talk about theet, almost any old movie that&039;s been made and I show theive lecture tours, especially on college cauys about my lectures"

Henry&039;s unlined, sixtyish face creased briefly into a gentle s I believe the audience, generally, enjoyed themselves"

Graff said, "There you are, an unpaid testi a ure out how to handle the crazies"

"What kind of movie?" asked Rubin

"Gilbert and Sullivan, actually," said Graff, hat see to Jeff Avalon about it on the way here and that&039;s what put hi mood"

"Is there money in Gilbert and Sullivan in the movies?" asked Drake skeptically "I should think it just has a ser than you think, but you&039;re right You can&039;t anza out of it But then you don&039;t have to spend ten million dollars on it You can do it s Nanki - Poo in a movie version of The Mikado and was cut to ribbons by all the D&039;Oyly Carte types that supported him The trouble is, you can&039;t do e play You can&039;t change the e anything it&039;s not Gilbert and Sullivan and you&039;re nowhere So if you&039;re just going to photograph the play, you&039;re not taking advantage of the power of the camera and where are you?"

"Where indeed?" said Drake

Graff said, "But these guys - I didn&039;t tell you about these guys yet, did I? Two kids in their early twenties, but young as they are, they&039;ve really got it You know, in any field of art, it&039;s the young people who look at things with new eyes These guys are a pair of crazies, of course, but you&039;ve got to expect that Their names are Saive a course onat the New School and that&039;s how I met them They want to do The Pirates of Penzance, one of the Gilbert and Sullivan operettas, because they&039;d seen a perforht Opera Group and were enthusiastic

"They joined the Gilbert and Sullivan Society, which seeroup here in New York, and they met Jeff Avalon, who&039;s a Gilbert and Sullivan aficionado - Is that the way you pronounce the word?"

"Quite," said Avalon "Thoughvoice may not be approved by all, I presume that not even theto music and I know virtually all of Gilbert and Sullivan by heart"

Trurowled, "You le note of Sullivan&039;s ht now"

"In any case," said Graff, "I h Appelbau about what strategy to use init, and Avalon suggested an anirab the idea You have the voices, the words, the notes, and you have a free hand to be as fantastic as you want Gilbert and Sullivan operettas are always overacted, anyway, on principle I&039;m certain that if Gilbert and Sullivan had worked in the 1970s instead of the 1870s, they would have written the operettas for animation in the first place"

Jaarette with a violentYou&039;ll have a whole bunch of cutesie choruses dancing around Prince Char Frederic and Snow White Mabel"

"No!" said Graff, earnestly "What do you think? Disney is all there is? Besides, who can spend the money on the kind of animation that Disney used in the days of slave labor where youhis nose realistically We&039;re counting on surrealis to use the techniques of modern an to evoke humor and fantasy in a whole neay I can&039;t explain hoork After all, ah, it ork and you&039;ll see hoorks It will start a whole new fashion and, on top of that, it will make them trillionaires and it would make me a few shiny pennies, too If they do it, that is"

"Why if?" said Halsted

"Because they had a fight, that&039;s why And they&039;re still fighting," said Graff "And go try and settle it They&039;ve got all theto be scooped in and neither one will ives in"

"What are they fighting about?" asked Rubin "Are they both in love with the same soprano?"

Graff shook his head "You don&039;t know the crazies of this world, do you? Crazies don&039;t fight over a wo sensible That&039;s for plain people like you and ine - like when did the action of the play take place Appelbauins on March 1, 1877, and Mentz says March 1, 1873, and neither one will give in

"You see, you guys in the Black Widowers argue, but you forget, because you&039;ve got a u to you do it all through dinner My two guys are big talents but they&039;re liht over so there&039;s no chance of their forgetting With theet sick and die"

"I take it," said Halsted, "that Gilbert gives no indication which it is"

"No," said Graff

Trumbull said, with clear contempt, "Does it make a difference?"

Graff said, "Actually, it does The guys want to keep up a running set ofback to Victorian times to keep pace with the words and music These would be acco, sometimes so fast you couldn&039;t really et it, uh, subliminally - Is that how you say it? - It would be a kind of running visual gag, and it could start a cult You know, people would say, did you see that picture of Disraeli, and as the other guy with hio several times just to try to pick up all the clues they could Well, there are places where what you shoould depend on whether it was 1873 or 1877"

Truoing Who would care?"

Graff said, "They would care Neither one will give in It&039;s life and death with them Look, do you know the play?"

"I don&039;t," said Trumbull, flatly

Drake said, "I suppose Jeff knows it by heart, but I just know the Major - General&039;s patter song, which is an exa about with its fancy vocabulary and ingenious rhyly, he lifted his soft, hoarse voice in song, and with a fair approxiue of which I&039;ve heard the music&039;s din afore, and whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense, Pinafore&039; - Which shows," he added, "that Gilbert couldearly success"

Graff said, hastily, "Well, let me just outline the plot quickly, so you can see where the trouble is Is that all right?"

"Go ahead, Herb," said Avalon, indulgently "I&039;o," and he bent his for under his breath

Graff said, "Frederic is a pirate - apprentice It was all a mistake because his nursery - maid, Ruth, had been told to apprentice him to a pilot, but had misheard the word Unable to return home and explain the mistake, she, too, joined the pirate band

"As the play opens, Frederic has just turned twenty - one and entered his twenty - second year so his apprenticeship is over As the slave of duty he has remained with the pirates, but now that he has served his term, he will abandon them and, because he is also the soul of honor, he will devote himself to their extermination

"Ruth, a o with hihters of Major - General Stanley, and Frederic, realizing that Ruth is old and plain, falls in love instead with Mabel, the prettiest of the daughters

"The pirates surprise the but ood old Gilbert - when their father arrives and sings the Major - General&039;s song that Jim Drake ive up their sche, falsely, to be an orphan boy The tenderhearted pirates burst into tears and the first act ends happily

"In the second act, Frederic prepares to lead the police against the pirates Before he can leave with his band, however, the Pirate King, together with Ruth, come upon him alone and tell him they have just remembered that he was born on leap day, February 29 The apprenticeship papers say he must serve till his twenty - first birthday and, strictly speaking, he has had only five

"Frederic, the slave of duty, at once rejoins the band and, as a loyal pirate, now tells them of the Major - General&039;s lie The furious pirates attack the Major - General&039;s estate and, in a battle with the police, ee the winners

"However, the police produce a Union Jack and demand the pirates yield in Queen Victoria&039;s na, &039;With all our faults, we love our Queen&039; As the pirates are about to be led away to jail, Ruth quickly explains that all the pirates are just noble, &039;With all our faults, we love our House of Peers&039;, and everything ends happily"

Graff beamed around the table and said, "It&039;s actually a very funny and happy play There&039;s just one line that creates the probleoes by birthdays and not by years, he explains to Mabel, &039;In 1940 I of age shall be" That means that on February 29, 1940, he&039;ll celebrate his twenty - first birthday"

Drake nodded He had lit a new cigarette and he blinked his eyes slowly "On February 29, 1940, the New York Ti out of his indentures I reht, but if there&039;s a leap day every four years - "