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Joyce O&039;Neal Rafferty was in a rush and thoroughly bitched out as she headed into the nursing ho up and it had taken three hours of waiting at the pediatrician&039;s before the doctor could squeeze the late, so he didn&039;t have tio to the supermarket on the way hoerator or the cupboards for dinner

Joyce hitched Sean up on her hip and raced down the corridor, dodgingof wheelchairs At least Sean was asleep now and hadn&039;t thrown up for hours Dealing with a fussy, sick baby as well as her mother was more than Joyce could handle at once Especially after a day like today

She knocked on the door to herup in bed, leafing through a Reader&039;s Digest

"Hey, Moahyde-covered wing chair by theAs she sat down, the cushion squeaked And so did Sean as he woke up

"I&039;ood" Odell&039;s smile was pleasant Her eyes vacant as dark marbles

Joyce checked her watch She&039;d stay ten minutes, then hit Star Market on the way hoht"

"Did you, Moh for a week straight "Who was it?"

"Your brother"

"Thomas was here?"

"Butch"

Joyce froze Then decided her"That&039;s nice, Mom"

"He caht his wife She&039;s so pretty He said they&039;re getting married in a church I mean, they&039;re already husband and wife, but it was in her religion Funny I never figured out what she was Maybe a Lutheran?"

Definitely hallucinating "That&039;s good"

"He looks like his father now"

"Oh, yeah? I thought he was the only one who didn&039;t take after Daddy"

"His father Not yours"

Joyce frowned "I&039;m sorry?"

Her mother assumed a dreamy expression and looked out the"Did I ever tell you about the blizzard of &039;69?"

"Moot stuck at the hospital, us nurses along with the doctors No one could coo I was there for two days God, your father was so upset about having to care for the kids without er and sharp as a tack, her eyes clearing "There was a surgeon there Oh, he was just so different froery He was very important He was beautiful and different and very i, too His eyes, I see them still in my dreams" Just as suddenly, all that enthusiasm evaporated and her mother deflated "I was bad I was a bad, bad wife"

"Mo?"

Tears started to fall down Odell&039;s lined face "I went to confession when I got home I prayed I prayed so hard But God punished me for my sins Even the labor the labor was terrible with Butch I nearly died, I bled so badly All my other births were fine Not Butch&039;s"

Joyce squeezed Sean so hard, he started to wriggle in protest As she loosened her hold and tried to soothe hi"

"Janie&039;s death wasanother man&039;s child"

As Sean let out a wail, Joyce&039;s head spun with a horrible, terrible suspicion that this was

Oh, co? Her ht in the head

Too bad she looked really frickin&039; lucid right now

Odell started nodding as if responding to a question someone had asked "Oh, yes, I love Butch Actually, I love him more than any of the rest of my children because he&039;s special Could never let that show, though Their father bore too much of what I&039;d done To favor Butch in any ould be an insult to Eddie and I couldn&039;t I won&039;t embarrass my husband like that Not after he stayed with me"

"Dad knows ?" In the silence that followed, things started falling into place, an ugly puzzle coether Shit this was for real Of course Dad knew That hy he hated Butch

Her reistful "Butch looked so happy with his wife And oh sweet Mary, she&039;s beautiful They are perfect for each other She&039;s special like his father was Like Butch is They&039;re all so special It was a shame they couldn&039;t stay He said he said he&039;d coood-bye"

As Odell teared up, Joyce reached out and grabbed her o?"

Her lanced down at the hand that touched her Then frowned a little "I want a saltine May I have a saltine?"

"Moh why that suddenly seemed important she wasn&039;t sure

Vacant eyes shifted over "With cheese I would like a saltine With cheese"

"We were talking about Butch Mo was all such a shock and yet no shock at all Butch had always been different, hadn&039;t he?

"Mom, where is Butch?"

"Butch? Oh, thank you for asking He&039;s doing so well he looked so happy I&039;ot married" Her mother blinked "Who are you, by the way? Are you a nurse? I used to be a nurse"

For a moment, Joyce almost pressed the issue

But instead, as her , she looked out theand took a deep breath Odell&039;sYes the whole thing was all nonsense Only nonsense

Let it go, Joyce told herself Just let it go

As Sean stopped crying and settled against her, Joyce hugged his war froht of how much she loved her baby boy And alould

She kissed his soft head Family, after all, was the staff of life

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