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"And you found one" A sick feeling has settled in n going in and out: illegal, interrogation, surveillance

Hana

She doesn’t seeone totally still

Her face is suddenly anietic as I’ve ever seen it, and she leans forward on her knees, talking in a rush "Not just one Dozens There are tons of them out there, if you kno to look If you knohere to look It’s incredible, Lena All these people-- they h the loops and the holes You should see sos people write About--about the cure It’s not just the Invalids who don’t believe in it There are people here, all over the place, who don’t think" I’ at her so hard she drops her eyes and switches topics

"And you should hear theyou’ve ever heard, music that almost takes your head off, you know? That makes you want to scream and jump up and down and break stuff and cry"

Hana’s roo asdown around er feel it The air feels hot and heavy, like a wet breath, and I stand up and move to theHana breaks off, finally I try to shove open her , but it won’t budge I push and strain against the sill

"Lena," Hana says timidly, after a minute

"It won’t open" All I can think is: I need air The rest of hts and lab coats and steel tables and surgical knives--an ied off to the labs, screa, her house defaced with marker and paint

"Lena," Hana says, louder now "Come on"

"It’s stuck Wood must be warped from the heat If it would just open" I heave and theflies upward, finally There’s a popping sound, and the latch that’s been keeping it in place snaps off and skitters to the middle of the floor For a second Hana and I both stand there, staring at it The air co in the opendoesn’t make me feel better It’s even hotter outside

"Sorry," I mumble I can’t look at her "I didn’t mean to-- I didn’t knoas locked The s at my house don’t lock"

"Don’t worry about theI don’t care about the stupid "

"One tiot out of her crib when she was little, alht open and started clirabshot and cold every five seconds, but her touch h me and I pull away quickly "You’re mad at me"

"I’m not mad I’m worried about you" But that’s only half-true I am mad-- furious, in fact All this ti, the idiot sidekick, thinking about our last real suet and evaluations and boards and nor, "Uh-huh, yeah, s will be fine," andinto someone I don’t know-- sos we’re not even supposed to think about Now I knohy I was so startled on Evaluation Day, when she turned back to whisper toIt was like she had dropped away for a second--my best friend, er

That’s what’s been happening all this tier

I turn back to the

A sharp blade of sadness goes through uess it was bound to happen eventually I’ve always known it would Everyone you trust, everyone you think you can count on, will eventually disappoint you When left to their own devices, people lie and keep secrets and change and disappear, some behind a different face or personality, so, beyond a cliff That’s why the cure is so important That’s e need it

"Listen, I’ at so to music, or whatever"

"You could People have been arrested for less" She knows this too She knows, and doesn’t care

"Yeah, well, I’m sick of it" Hana’s voice trembles a little, which throws me I’ve never heard her sound less than certain

"We shouldn’t even be talking about this So?" She cuts me off, finishes my sentence for me "God, Lena I’m sick of that, too

Aren’t you? Sick of always checking your back, looking behind you, watching what you say, think, do I can’t--I can’t breathe, I can’t sleep, I can’t o--ba I want--bah her hair For once, she doesn’t look pretty and in control She looks pale and unhappy, and her expression reht away

"It’s for our own protection," I say, wishing I sounded ht

"Everything will get better once we’re--"

Again, she ju sound with no humor in it, but at least she doesn’t contradict ht That’s what everybody says"

All of a sudden it hits me: She reminds hterhouse All the coere lined up, packed in their stalls, staring at us mutely as alked by, with that sa else Desperation I’m really scared, then, truly terrified for her

But when she speaks again, she sounds a little bit calmer "Maybe it will Get better, I mean, once we’re cured But until thenThis is our last chance, Lena

Our last chance to do anything Our last chance to choose"