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"You …what? Why would he call you and notabout the crashed car Nothing about

Yesterday--earlier today, even--I would have hoped that ive irl That was the dynao, but now? Recounting facts for her was really just recounting the new emotional reality for myself Just a series of factual statements, of transactions: 750, a car title, a statement of fact No hope

"I--I , "I’m sorry that you chose to do that You could have called me and I could have come down there and taken care of it"

"I could have done that, but I didn’t Evan wantedyou know"

"Well, you should know better than to--"

Click If I wanted to be verbally abused, I didn’t need to hear it froh my phone, did I? She’d planted her voice in ain This time I really was done I turned it off

A day or two ago I would have started crying at this point, but again, once you let go of hope the only tears left are for the person you once were--who had hope Without it, there’s nothing to cry about

The train lurched a hard left, and then it stopped, bringing us to my station "You okay?" Darla asked

"I can take it froo on to Trevor, and thank you Thank you sothat you did It’s been a hell of a two days I was really wrong about you," I ad her arot all day to hear this" Wisecracking Darla had faded, and the wo before ed her, and s didn’t, either

"That day you met me on the subway? I’d just o and my mom waswell, you know more about what ine Hovermo

I snorted "That is the ent explanation of my family I’ve ever heard" Seriously

"And you’ve been carrying a torch for Sa her wrist in a circle, encouraging me

"Yes," I admitted "I have There’s so much more to it, and then there’s Liaot to do with anything?"

"Next time I shove a phone up my crotch I’ll tell you about Liah and kinder eyes were her answer "Get back to the whole ‘You’re the greatest, Darla’ speech"

"You are," I said simply "You’ve helpedexperience of my life – in the same damn week – and I barely know you"

"It’s called being a f-r-i-e-n-d," she answered, spelling out the word

"Most of o to with this"

She let that sentence just hang there

"Thank you for going places with me that most people wouldn’t You’re a very special person, and I appreciate everything you’ve done," I finished

The words that came out of my mouth hat I had hoped to hear fro her ar off

She’d respected exactly what I’d asked of her Maybe that was her secret

She just did what you needed ht

Sa the sleep I needed, I sat on the couch listening to Darla, Trevor and Joe fight Joe had coether before he left for law school were numbered If I could have been anywhere else I would have been I needed to get a decent night’s sleep, or at least part of a night’s sleep I thought I’d have so off for one of s No such luck

"What do you mean you don’t like ," Joe said

"It’s not disgusting It tastes perfectly fine You ood"

"That’s the probleh"

"Well, ould you prefer I make?" she asked in a sickly voice "Would you like lavender- potatoes, a pound of which costs rabbed the Spa us preservative hell," he insisted, running his finger over the list of ingredients that was half the can long "Do you realize that soical warfare? And Velveeta? Are you kidding ht as wellfor a reason to pick a fight," Trevor said, glaring at Joe

I knehat he was thinking: don’t blow it, this is our last chance for sex before you leave And Joe knew it, too, of course But he was so wracked with fear and anxiety over going to Penn, over leaving Trevor and Darla, and over finally getting away frorasp, that he needed to distract hi a fight with the people he kneould never reject hiy, really, but my own approach, complete withdrawal, hadn’t exactly turned out that well I was just hoping that things kept going the way they’d started to with Amy, and that maybe it really was possible to undo a co

"This is what I know," she said, "this is what I eat This is my food This is my comfort food I like canned meat I like Velveeta I like macaroni and cheese that comes in a box and not the kind that is found at the hot foods counter at Whole Foods I like the flavor and the taste of these things, and if you don’t, you don’t have to eat it"