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"Oh, Alad to hear you say that," she said, her voice cracking, "because that’s exactly how I feel He’s so strong and he’s so s My goodness, he could--"

My brain, the half that was screa, increased the volume by a factor of ten, which meant that the other half of my brain had to keep itself occupied to drown out the sound I started tapping, absenthtly, by picking a te to it Was the fact that Sa part of why I chose this as a haven?

Sam My shoulders loosened, Moh I didn’t listen to the words, I knew from the tone and from her pauses, exactly when to pretend to respond I could fake it Faking it, in fact, hat I was expected to do If I told her the truth--and trust o cold and shut ood at that too I mean, she would just flat out explode

The handful of tie-filled mother that I never really expected was under the surface Moy and Counseling So, to watch her turn into a fury--a red faced, screa her or Evan when I had siet better yet"--well, that shuts you down That shuts you down damn fast

I’d tried once after that Once She’d cutout of the roo back with eyes that were a strange combination of red and black, and a face so cold you would think that she was an executioner "I don’t ever want to hear you say another word about what your brother can’t do"

And that was it

The lesson? The truthhere on the park bench, I nodded like an idiot, tappingher on

Saht about what he’d just said For the past four and a half yearsthe blade of a razor; one slip and the results were deadly That’s how this worked When I stood up to my father I took complete control of my life Except, what no one tells you, is that when you take complete control of yourself you assume complete responsibility, too

Responsibility I don’t hteen, suddenly everything that I didn’t realize was going on behind the scenes when it caht have been an asshole, but he gave hteous prick, but I had a car to drive And alomaniacal streak in him as wide as the path of the Boston Marathon, but when you discover that you don’t even have a car to sleep in after a screa match where you stand up for yourself, and you co keeping you fro on the streets--that sense of freedom and responsibility loses its expansiveness and takes on the feeling of a stone around your neck

Don’t get --I wouldn’t trade it, ever I’d rather slip on the edge of that razor blade than go back But it was times like this, where I was indebted to Trevor and Joe for all these years of help and support, either from them or their parents, where some part of me wavered and wished for more

I couldn’t ask for two better friends, and now Joe was asking soive Trevor so to front the first six weeks was really kind For a guy who been a supercilious jerk h school, Joe had turned out OK

More than OK

I turned away after his forone and I heard a familiar voice

"Sure, Mo like ameditative

Amy

I turned my head to follow the sound, her words less distinct, the voice muffled My body was frozen and on fire at the same time Some part of me hardened--the obvious part--and then, others What was she doing here? After last night at the bar where she disappeared, I didn’t knohat to think Now, I took strong strides in the direction of her voice, as if she were a honal

I heard the word ‘Evan’ Her brother A younger kid who tended to move in circles that I tried to avoid

And then, the unmistakable tone in her words I didn’t need to knohat she was saying because I knew exactly what she was feeling fro with a fake s in Wonderful Land

Ah school Everybody in debate circles knew that Now I heard her in casual conversation with her iving s were crossed at the ankles, and she earing the kind of pants that girls like to wear that were not quite long and not quite short, cutting off at theHer sandals showed little painted toenails, bright red, and the idea that she had spent tis went up to thick thighs and soainst bone made parts of me even harder