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"Like I said, we’re in uess all this"--Peter plucked up aa lab specie of chocolate, Chris touched the dark wafer to his tongue For an instant, he thought of Meg Murry sitting down to a meal that tasted of sand while her brother, lost and already under IT’s control, ate quite happily The chocolate had no smell and less taste than air "Why haven’t I been able to co?"

"Maybe because you were still figuring things out Digging for the truth, putting together the pieces" Blowing out his blazingstreah to find a piece of the real o of the haet all biblical This has wayteht about that"

"And you? Are you really dead, or have you Changed or"

"I think, for h "There is so much to tell you, and we don’t have tiain"

"How are we doing it at all?"

"Dunno I built the space a couple weeks ago, when you told me to"

"Me? How could I--"

"We’re different All Spared are Some are really unique, like you and the way your brain’s reacted to that drug Hannah gave you MeI was Changing before the Change The boat? Lying?" Peter looked away "Leaving that girl to drown"

He’d thought a lot about this "Peter, there was no time You couldn’t save them both" He almost said, Someone had to die, but didn’t "Peter, she was your sister"

"But then I irl was already dead" Peter pulled in a shuddering breath "The good guys don’t lie They don’t choose They save everybody"

That only happens in books "Hannah said you tried"

"Yeah" Peter gave a bleak laugh "For all the good that did That one choice ruined Simon’s life, probably Penny’s, too, and then I set up the Zone, I fed" Tossing his stick into the fire, his voice thickened with disgust "Everything I build, everyone I love, I destroy"

"I’m still here," Chris said, quietly He watched Peter’sache in his chest had sharpened and grown htmare No one is here but us, and your eyes are blue, Peter"

"That’s because you’re seeing the piece that’s"--he tapped the back of his head--"tucked away and still, you knowme The part you were meant to reach"

And the part I want to save, if I can The thought popped into his head completely unbidden "Maybe because you want to reach me, too You said you were afraid, but I’m here I found this place, and you Let me help, Peter"

"You said that once before I think you saved ive myself" Peter shook his head "But I can’t You shouldn’t forgive me either"

"But I do, Peter," he said, then stiffened as his chest flared No, please, not yet "You’re not lost, not while I can still find you"

"But I’one I can feel that, too This space?" Peter cast his eyes around their bubble of light holding off the dark "I don’t knoon to it Yeah, it’s a part he can’t control I’er, andThis fire, the marshmallows? They’re all that’s left"

"He?"

"Yes F-F" Peter’s head suddenly snapped back An arrow of pain shot across his face

"Peter" Alarmed, Chris reached for his friend "Peter, what’s--"

"N-no!" Peter cringed "D-don’t touch me M-my fault To n-name is to control, to ac-access"