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el,

and a madman in me

--Dylan Thomas

vii

ALEX had fallen like this only once in her life That happened when she was nine and took a wild leap from Blackrocks Cliff off Presque Isle into the deep sapphire-blue of Lake Superior She remembered that the air was laced with the scent of wild lilacs and early honeysuckle Although hot sun splashed her shoulders, her bare arooseflesh because the wind ski Superior was, even in June, still very cold--and she was also, frankly, freaked out Standing at the cliff ’s edge, her h basalt, she looked down past her new eht, Seriously? That cove looked pretty puny Her dad, who’d gone first with a whoop and a leap, was only a dot

"Come on, you can do this, honey!" She could see the white flash of his grin--a tanned, muscular, bluff, and confident s "Jump to me, sweetheart! Just remember, feet first and you’ll be fine!"

"Oh-oh-oh" She hts scared her so stupid Stephanie’s birthday party lastwall? Mistaaake Not only was she the only one to freeze and then slip; she ca her to jump from way up here? For fun?

Can’t do this, I can’tEvery muscle locked in a sudden, wholebody freeze, except for her head, which swelled and ballooned I’ to faint Her brain seemed surprised This is what it’s like to--

There was a whirring sensation, like the blast of a jet engine gushing through her skull, blowing her sky-high All of a sudden, she wasn’t in her body at all but floating waaay up there, looking down at this teeny-tiny girl in a deep green bathing suit, an ee with hair as red as blood Far below, so s more than a mote in a very blue and watery eye, was her dad

"Alex?" Her dad’s voice was the size of a gnat "Come on, sweetheart, jump to me"

"If she doesn’t want to" Her ravel, hand to her eyes as the hipped her hair "She doesn’t have to prove--"

But yes, I do Herof the strange kite to which her brain was yoked That weird distance collapsed, and Alex plunged back into her skin, faster than a comet, to flood the space behind her eyes

Then she was out over open water, with no ood thing, because she’d have spazzed, I’ll slip, I’ll slip, I’ll bust a leg or breaklike a failed parachute, she sliced through air in a high whistle of wind

Slapping the water, still icy at that tih with her hip, a hard smack that jolted a mouthful of air past the corkscrew of her lips Silvery, shi bubbles boiled froushed up her nose, the pain of the brain freeze scaring her evenas probably no more than a sip of air She could hear herself, too: a choked little underwater raspberry, a buhh, not quite a h The water wasn’t blue at all but reen She couldn’t seeto drown! She could feel a panic-rat skittering in her skull, nipping her eyeballs as she whirled, her hair fanning like seaweed I’ to drown! Wild with fear, she looked for her dad but didn’t, couldn’t see legs or feet or hands or anything She wasn’t sure where the surface was Craning, she sa the water yelloith diffuse sun Go, that’s up, go, go, swih, her breath jetting in a thin shriek: "Ahh!"

"Attagirl!" Her father was instantly there, laughing, his wet hair dark and slick as seal skin "That’s runted Still booh, her dad wrapped her up and boosted her--shrieking deliriously noay up high, nearly out of the water, before bringing her back down to earth and to hiether, they stroked for the gravel beach, her father pulling a slow sidestroke, staying with her the whole way as she churned for shore, and home

That here the memory ended She couldn’t recall if she and her dad cli her dad--how irl and dare anything--they probably had Knowing her dad, he’d treated her to a waffle cone of chocolate custard topped with Mounds and Almond Joy chunks because, sometimes, you just feel like a nut Her dad probably stole froht backatcha She bet her dad told her mom, Relax, honey, she’s wash and wear, as Alex crunched almonds and chewy, juicy coconut and licked sweet chocolate runnels, molten in the afternoon heat, from her wrist and forearm and the knob of her elbow Her father was that kind of man

More than likely, she’d been underwater less than ten seconds She got herself out of it, too, and all because her dad dared her to try After that leap, she really believed she , because noto swim by her side, stroke for stroke, into forever