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"No" I press the heel ofthe tears out of them so they don’t fall on my cheeks where everyone can see theent"

"Just to clarify," says Niles "Are you telling me that you were alht your way into the Dauntless compoundand destroyed the simulation?"

"Yes," I say

"I think I speak for everyone," he says, "when I say that you have earned the title of Dauntless"

Shouts rise up fro into the dark air My faction, calling to , I’m not brave, I’m not brave, I shot Will and I can’t admit it, I can’t even admit it

"Beatrice Prior," says Niles, "what are your deepest regrets?"

What do I regret? I do not regret choosing Dauntless or leaving Abnegation I do not even regret shooting the guards outside the control rooet past theret"

My eyes leave Niles’s face and drift over the room, and land on Tobias He is expressionless, his mouth in a firm line, his stare blank His hands, crossed over his chest, clasp his arms so hard his knuckles are white Next to him stands Christina My chest squeezes, and I can’t breathe

I have to tell them I have to tell the truth

"Will," I say It sounds like a gasp, like it was pulled straight fro back

"I shot Will," I say, "while he was under the si to kill me, but I killed him My friend"

Will, with the crease between his eyebroith green eyes like celery and the ability to quote the Dauntless manifesto froroan It hurts to remember him It hurts every part ofworse that I didn’t realize before I illing to die rather than kill Tobias, but the thought never occurred to me when it came to Will I decided to kill Will in a fraction of a second

I feel bare I didn’t realize that I wore one, and now everyone sees me as I really am

"Thank you for your honesty," they say

But Christina and Tobias say nothing

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

I RISE FROM the chair I don’t feel as dizzy as I did aoff The crowd tilts, and I search for a door I don’t usually run away fros, but I would run from this

Everyone starts to file out of the room except for Christina She stands where I left her, her hands in fists that are in the process of uncurling Her eyes meet mine and yet they do not Tears swi

"Christina," I say, but the only words I can think of--I’y Sorry is what you are when you bump someone with your elbohat you are when you interrupt soun," I say "He was about to shoot me He was under the simulation"

"You killed hier than words usually do, like they expanded in her mouth before she spoke thenize irl with the saht takes her hand--Christina’s younger sister I saw her on Visiting Day, a thousand years ago The truth seruht of the infrom the crowd to touch my shoulder I haven’t seen him since before the sireet him

"Yeah"

"Hey" He squeezes ht? To save us frorief fades"

I can’t even find it in me to nod Uriah sainst ratitude, or coive me a wide berth, look at me with narrowed, suspicious eyes

The black-clothed bodies s has spilled out of me

Tobias stands next to ot our weapons back," he says, offering me my knife

I shove it inhis eyes

"We can talk about it toerous, with Tobias

"Okay"

He slides his arm across ainst ht as alk toward the elevators together

He finds us two cots at the end of a hallway so

When I’m sure he’s asleep, I slip out from beneath the blankets and walk down the hallway, past a dozen sleeping Dauntless I find the door that leads to the stairs

As I clis fight for air, I feel the first moments of relief I’ve experienced in days

Iup stairs is anotheras I march past the twelfth floor, and try to recover sos, inpain to relieve pain It doesn’t hteenth floor, s feel like they have turned to liquid I shuffle toward the rooated It’s empty now, but the amphitheater benches are still there, as is the chair I sat in The lows behind a haze of clouds

I set my hands on the back of the chair It’s plain: wooden, a little creaky How strange that so so simple could have been instrumental in my decision to ruin one of e another

It’s bad enough that I killed Will, that I didn’t think fast enough to come up with another solution Now I have to live with everyone else’s judg--not eventhe praises of the truth, but they never tell you how e of the chair bites into ht I stare down at it for a second and then lift it, balancing it legs-up on e of the room for a ladder or a staircase that will help h above the floor

I walk up to the highest bench, and lift the chair above e beneath one of thespaces I jue My shoulder aches--I shouldn’t really be using s on e, and pullthe rest of e When I’ it back out again

I stand on the ledge, under the arch of what used to be a , and stare out at the city The dead river curls around the building and disappears The bridge, its red paint peeling, stretches over the s, most of theh people in the city to fill them

For a second, I allow ation Tobias’s lack of expression; his anger afterward, suppressed for the sake of my sanity Christina’s empty look The whispers, "Thank you for your honesty" Easy to say that hat I did doesn’t affect thee A faint cry escapes rows into a yell, which transfore of the Merciless Mart, screa untillike a brittle skeleton I sit down on the ledge, leaning into the side of theframe, and close my eyes