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At hoet himself, because all the characteristics my parents valued came naturally to hith

I stand on my tiptoes, lift my head, and kiss him Only our lips touch

"You’re brilliant, you know that?" I shake my head "You always know exactly what to do"

"Only because I’ve been thinking about this for a long ti me briefly "Hoould handle it, if you and I…" He pulls back and smiles "Did I hear you call"Why? Do you want me to?"

He slips his hands overmy head back so his forehead meetsertips I feel the quickness of his breath He seems nervous

"Yes," he finally says Then his sirl?"

"I hope so," I say "Sometimes it helps to be sh"

The corners of his rave look "There’s so I need to tell you"

"What is it?"

"Not now" He glances around "Meet me back here at eleven thirty Don’t tell anyone where you’re going"

I nod, and he turns away, leaving just as quickly as he came

"Where have you been all day?" Christina asks when I walk back into the dormitory The room is empty; everyone else must be at dinner "I looked for you outside, but I couldn’t find you Is everything okay? Did you get in trouble for hitting Four?"

I shakeher the truth about where I was makes me feel exhausted How can I explain the impulse to hop on a train and visit my brother? Or the eerie calm in Eric’s voice as he questioned in with?

"I just had to get away I walked around for a long time," I say "And no, I’ized…that’s it"

As I speak, I’m careful to keep my eyes steady on hers and my hands still at my sides

"Good," she says "Because I have so to tell you"

She looks over my head at the door and then stands on her tiptoes to see all the bunks--checking if they’re empty, probably Then she sets her hands on irl for a few seconds?"

"I’irl" I frown

"You knohat I irl"

I twirl rins so wide I can see her back row of teeth "Will kissed me"

"What?" I deirl!" She straightens, taking her hands froht after your little episode, we ate lunch and then alked around near the train tracks We were just talking about…I don’t even re about And then he just stopped, and leaned in, and…kissed me"

"Did you know that he liked you?" I say "I hs "The best part was, that was it We just kept walking and talking like nothing happened Well, until I kissed hi have you known you liked hiuess I didn’t But then little things…how he put his arm around irl instead of soh Suddenly I want to tell her about Tobias and everything that has happened between us But the saether holdto do with my relationship with him

So I just say, "I’m happy for you"

"Thanks," she says "I’ht it would be a while before I could feel that way…you know"

She sits down on the edge of my bed and looks around the dors Soon we’ll move into apartovern above the Pit I won’t have to worry about Peter attacking me in my sleep I won’t have to look at Al’s empty bed

"I can’t believe it’s alot here But it’s also like…like I haven’t seen home in forever"

"You miss it?" I lean into the bed fras are the sah I mean, everyone at hoood But it’s easier there You always knohere you stand with everyone, because they tell you There’s no…ation prepared ation aren’t ht, either

"I don’t think I could have h" She shakes her head "There, instead of siet lie detector tests All day, every day And the final test…" She wrinkles her nose "They give you this stuff they call truth serum and sit you in front of everyone and ask you a load of really personal questions The theory is that if you spill all your secrets, you’ll have no desire to lie about anything, ever again Like the worst about you is already in the open, so why not just be honest?"

I don’t knohen I accuent Fears How I really feel about my friends, s that even the simulations can’t touch; it would wreck me

"Sounds awful," I say

"I always knew I couldn’t be Candor I s you just don’t want people to know Plus, I like to be in control of my own mind"

Don’t we all

"Anyway," she says She opens the cabinet to the left of our bunk beds When she pulls the door open, ait toward her face Christina shrieks so loud I almost jump out of my skin and slaps at her cheeks

"Get it off! Get it off get it off get it off!" she screaone!" I say Then I laugh "You’re afraid of…s and their stupid bug bodies…" She shudders

I keep laughing I laugh so hard I have to sit down and hold my stomach

"It’s not funny!" she snaps "Well…okay, maybe it is A little"