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I will be a member I will

"But that’s…not fair!" the broad-shouldered Candor girl, Molly, says Even though she sounds angry, she looks terrified "If we had known--"

"Are you saying that if you had known this before the Choosing Ceremony, you wouldn’t have chosen Dauntless?" Eric snaps "Because if that’s the case, you should get out now If you are really one of us, it won’t ht fail And if it does, you are a coward"

Eric pushes the door to the dormitory open

"You chose us," he says "Noe have to choose you"

I lie in bed and listen to nine people breathing

I have never slept in the same room as a boy before, but here I have no other option, unless I want to sleep in the hallway Everyone else changed into the clothes the Dauntless provided for us, but I sleep in ation clothes, which still smell like soap and fresh air, like home

I used to have my own room I could see the front lawn froy skyline I a in silence

Heat swells behind my eyes as I think of home, and when I blink, a tear slips out I cover my mouth to stifle a sob

I can’t cry, not here I have to calht here I can look at my reflection whenever I want I can befriend Christina, and cut my hair short, and let other people clean up their own messes

My hands shake and the tears co my vision

It doesn’tDay, they will barely recognize me--if they come at all It doesn’t matter that I ache at even a split-second memory of their faces Even Caleb’s, despite how much his secrets hurt me I match my inhales to the inhales of the other initiates, and my exhales to their exhales It doesn’t , followed by a heavy sob Bed springs squeal as a large body turns, and a pillow h They co to a Candor boy, Al, the largest and broadest of all the initiates He is the last person I expected to break down

His feet are just inches from my head I should comfort him--I should want to coust So shouldn’t act so weak Why can’t he just keep his crying quiet like the rest of us?

I s hard

If , I knohat look she would give me The corners of her mouth turned down Her eyebrows set low over her eyes--not scowling, al the heel of ain I alrate in my own throat He is just inches away from me--I should touch him

No I putthe wall No one has to know that I don’t want to help him I can keep that secret buried My eyes shut and I feel the pull of sleep, but every tiain

Maybe o ho firelight and the clack ofneedles, but that is not the only reason for this hollow feeling in ht be that even if I did go hoive without thinking and care without trying

The thought ather the pillow around , and fall asleep with a circle of moisture pressed to my cheek

CHAPTER EIGHT

"THE FIRST THING you will learn today is how to shoot a gun The second thing is hoin a fight" Four presses a gun into"Thankfully, if you are here, you already kno to get on and off atrain, so I don’t need to teach you that"

I shouldn’t be surprised that the Dauntless expect us to hit the ground running, but I anticipated an My body is still heavy froes We willto your perforhed equally in deterh difficult, to drastically improve your rank over time"

I stare at the weapon in un, let alone fire one It feels dangerous toit, I could hurt someone

"We believe that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the e of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, prih his words "What does firing a gun have to do with…bravery?"

Four flips the gun in his hand, presses the barrel to Peter’s forehead, and clicks a bullet into place Peter freezes with his lips parted, the yawn dead in hisa loaded gun, you idiot Act like it"

He lowers the gun Once the ireen eyes harden I’, after speaking his mind all his life in Candor, but he does, his cheeks red

"And to answer your question…you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you’re prepared to defend yourself" Four stops walking at the end of the row and turns on his heel "This is also infore one So, watch ets on it--one square of plyith three red circles on it for each of us He stands with his feet apart, holds the gun in both hands, and fires The bang is so loud it hurts et The bullet went through the et My faun They would say that guns are used for self-defense, if not violence, and therefore they are self-serving

I push my family from my mind, set my feet shoulder-width apart, and delicately wrap both hands around the handle of the gun It’s heavy and hard to lift away from my body, but I want it to be as far froer, hesitantly at first and then harder, cringing away froun The sound hurts my ears and the recoil sendsmy hand to the wall behind me for balance I don’t knohere et

I fire again and again and again, and none of the bullets co," the Erudite boy next toat et at least once by now, even by accident" He is blond, with shaggy hair and a crease between his eyebrows

"Is that so," I say without inflection

"Yeah," he says "I think you’re actually defying nature"

I gritto at least stand still If I can’t ive us, hoill I ever er, hard, and this time I’m ready for the recoil It makes my hands jump back, but e of the target, and I raise an eyebrow at Will

"So you see, I’ht The stats don’t lie," he says

I smile a little

It takes et, and when I do, a rush of energy goes through me I aun There is power in controlling so, period