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Once the sleepless nights began, the wedding was the farthest thing from his mind

We took a spot by the , and updated each other on our summers Beth and Chad had cut back on their hours at their jobs because of the fal se house Kim had traveled to see family, but returned early

"My doret theift of persuasion," Kiether

"So you traveled h money to bribe the powers that be at Brown University?" I asked "Right"

Kied "I robbed two banks and a liquor store on the way to Chicago"

"Nice," I said, taking another sip

"So Ryan’s in the Ar her head

I nodded "Wrote me a letter, and just popped in theLike a freakin’ birthday card"

"Or a post card," Kim added

"With soldiers on it," Beth said She looked down, trying not to suns," Kiain "In ca on a ha, yel ow, bubble letters," I frowned

Beth giggled before ht face "It’s not your fault"

"It’s completely my fault I should have stopped him"

Beth’s sh, you didn’t know to stop him"

"No, I sure didn’t," I said underJared could hear

We tossed our e our way to caer than the years before I re if I would run into Jared, hoping I could steal another moment with him A smile touched my mouth as I looked behind us The Escalade was parked across the street, half a block away

So one from bad to worse, to wonderful to unbelievable, and now e sophofor too much

Beth would steal a peek at hed thy explanations

"Okay, Beth Do I have soer," Ki to asped,up to cover it

"No," Kim said

Beth smiled "It doesn’t look like you’ve had much sleep, is al "

My hand didn’t leavemy nose a few tiuess"

"You guess?" Beth persisted

"Bad dreams," Kim said

"How did you know?" I asked

Kiuess What are they about?"

"Mostly Jack"

Beth’s mouth slipped to the side, and then she frowned at Kim with disapproval Kim didn’t flinch

"What about your dad?" Kim said

I scratched , of course, uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had turned

"Just the way he died But it’s different"

"Different how?" Kim prodded

Beth stopped mid-step "Geez, Ki about it can help, Nina," Ki Beth

"Not today," I said, looking up the aged brick of the business building, "I’ll see you guys at lunch"

Class was endless Myin the unforgiving desert sun to save Ryan frory Guilt fol owed me everywhere I went, and the lack of sleep left h the door, paying no attention to the flabbergasted looks of the students I shoved past

Kim stopped me in my tracks "Whoa!"

A few breaths were necessary before I could speak "Sorry…I was…I don’t know"

"Class was that bad, huh?"

"I don’t re my temple where it had met with Kim’s bony shoulder

Kioing on with you? You’re not yourself"

"I’ by her to escape down the stairs

On the Greens, the closest bench took the brunt ofdown in a slump My next class was in ten minutes, and I had no motivation to listen to the monotonous rules and itinerary

The students passed, chuckling and chattering with the energy expected on the first day of school The summer sun was already too warm for the early hour, and with no breeze, I could feel the beads of sweat for between my clothes and the wood Cagles and laughter I shared withat lunch, and coffee shops, and the pub My e from my bench

And then he sat besidein uess"

"Did youat hed "I let it drive away so the love of my life could saveto ure this out" He took me under his arm, and then pressed his lips to radual y slipped away Backpack in hand, he gently tugged ers "May I walk you to class?"

A quick nod from me prompted a slow pace across campus We walked in silence, but he squeezedIt didn’t feel right to be there without Ryan’s sroup only being a reminder to everyone of his absence--and why he left--was disco, but I h it Jared drovewith Grant,took hts