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"Your mother is a very smart woman"

"Can you help me?" I pleaded "I need to remember where I went and what I did I need to know"

Dr Steve considered this, then said, "Do you knohat pain is, Cammie? It’s the body’s physical response to i us to lass"

"Will you helpIt is designed to keep us safe Maybe your a that those ht, of course MyBut there’s a difference between knowing sout

Through aat the end of the hall, I saw the h a cloudy sky "It’s been alht never be safe for me to leave this mansion"

"I know," Dr Steve said softly

I could still feel the rifle in ers around Dr Steve’s throat, and so I told hiht not be safe for me to stay"

There’s a power that co So it felt like a release to say it--to admit that the risk wasn’t just inside our walls--it was insideto claw, scratch, and bleed until I’d found it

"Your mother is correct, Cammie You shouldn’t try to force those memories" I opened my mouth to object, but Dr Steve stopped me with a wave "However, people who have sustained trauma often find it useful to have sorees, then you can come see me Saturday afternoon I’ll be happy to help"

He s up and down "We’ll see e can do"

I wasn’t exactly proud as I crept into the suite at one a And the fact that I actually stubbedwas realizing that I was no longer at hos were unpacked and neatly folded, while anized chaos like it alas in the middle of the se if I was destined to spend the rest of my senior year a half step behind

"I see you" Macey sat up in bed The light froh theHer eyes looked especially big and blue

"Sorry," I whispered "I didn’t know anyone ake"

"I know you didn’t," Macey said "That’s why you decided it was safe to coe--too soft compared to the cot at the convent "I’m sorry, Macey," I said "I don’t kno many times I can say it I’ot hurt?"

"Both," I said "And I’et it, do you?" Macey threw her covers off and stepped barefoot across the floor "We’re not mad because you left" She practically spat the words I wondered if Liz or Bex ht wake up, but neither stirred "We’re mad because you didn’t take us with you"

I wanted to tell her that I’d do it all differently if I could But that wasn’t true, I realized They were still alive, and that hat I’d wanted most of all So I just looked down at my hands and admitted, "No one seems happy I’m back"

"You are back, Cam" Macey went into the bathroom and started to close the door "Which means for the first time since you left, it’s okay for us to be "

Chapter Ten

Most teenage girls look forward to the weekend Even at the Gallagher Academy, that is universally true After all, who are we to deny the aweso competitions--not to hts? But that weekend was so of an exception

For starters, there’s nothing like irl behind academically Also, you don’t really realize how -out-with-your-friends ti all weird around you

But that Saturday after lunch I didn’t want to think about any of those things as I made my way to a closed door that, always before, had led to an empty office The support staff had used it to store broken chairs and unused desks, but when I knocked, the door swung open and I could see the room had been completely transformed

There was a tidy desk and an old wooden swivel chair like Grandpa Morgan kept in his office on the ranch I saw a long leather couch and a cushy ar fire I hadn’t realized how cold the rest of the mansion was until I stepped closer and lowered myself into the chair

There were no diplo personal at all, and I wondered if that was a Dr Steve thing or just a shrink thing OrBut the room was cozy and peaceful nonetheless, so I closedover me

"Cammie"

I heard the words but didn’t want to open in"

Then I started, bolting upright

"I’m sorry I…"

"You fell asleep, Ca his place at the end of the leather sofa "Are you having trouble sleeping in general?" he asked, but didn’t really wait for an answer "Do you wake up tired? Is your sleep fitful, erratic?"