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She went on as if she hadn’t even heard hi, trying to get it all out, like ridding poison

"And I left because it hurt too bad to stay But then I came back, because I knew the way I left wasn’t cool I needed to stop running Face you Do this logically But there I was in the kitchen, feeling like my world had come to an end I was cold and wanted a cup of hot chocolate and when I opened the cabinet, there was the bottle of pills staring me in the face and I knew if I just took one that I’d feel better, that I’d be better able to cope with the mess that is my life"

"Oh God," Jace breathed "Baby"

"I was this close," she said, holding up her tre it I had the pill into s it It was right there At the back ofWhat I almost allowed to happen"

She choked on a sob and then bowed her head, her fingers balled into tight fists at her sides

"But you didn’t," Jace whispered, guessing

"But I almost did," she said in a voice filled with desolation "I wanted it I needed it And I spit it out and washed all the pills down the sink I can’t go back there, Jace We have to end it now before we destroy each other If this is what being with you does to ood for me," she finished on a whisper

Fear seized him by the balls He shook his head, unable to wrench the words from his closed throat He was devastated by what she’d aled her, but because she’d hurt so badly that she’d nearly done the unthinkable What if she hadn’t stopped at one?

What little restraint she was holding to see sob tore from her throat and then she clutched herself around theto her knees as she rocked back and forth

Jace followed her iainst him He kissed her soaked hair and rocked with her as the rain pelted them

"I hatete you But I can’t just turn away from Jack I don’t expect you to understand it I’ve never explained"

His rage at Jack, at the situation, burned through him, hot and fierce

"Why do you risk so much to protect him? He’s an utter fuck-up, Bethany Why do you continue to allow him to rule your entire existence?"

She pushed away from him and shot to her feet "Because he took sodown her face, s I can never repay! You don’t understand You could never understand all he suffered for me"

Grief was so thick in her voice that she choked on every word She was distraught, barely clinging to her composure, and she shivered violently in the cold

There was soo cold from the inside out Whatever was in her past, what connected her to Jack, haunted her on a day-to-day basis And whatever it was he had to know It was pivotal to understanding her and why she clung so fiercely to Jack

"Thento talk inside where it’s warotten into dry clothes Then I’ll listen and you’ll explain We’ll figure this out Together, Bethany"

She started to shake her head but he stood, scooping her up with hi no for an answer," he bit out "The hell I’ to sort this out and you’re going to tellJack And by God, when it’s all done with, you’re not walking out ofanywhere but to bed with me"

Chapter thirty-one

Jace breathed a discernible sigh of relief as soon as the elevator doors shut behind hiet anywhere near the elevator Not for a da time

He carried her into the bathroo her down on the closed toilet, he reached in to turn on the shower Then he i His hands were shaking--not from cold--and he was powerless to nitude of what he’d alo," she said in a soft voice choked with eo back to rasped her face in his palo Ever It’s not happening How the fuck aet back to odda into the shower and war our asses off Youweather for hours I’ll be lucky if you don’t have hypothermia"

Her eyes widened, and then he released her face and pulled her to her feet, shedding his own clothes as he shoved her toward the shower

He couldn’t control the shaking that had invaded his lie to hold on to her in the shower, but he anchored her fir the heat of the water as well as the heat from his own body to warm her

She was like a block of ice, the cold so deeply ingrained that it had chilled her blood It killed hiht, all because he’d handled things co That she had nothing When she was godda to him

He loved her If there’d been any doubt before this, it was gone now And you didn’t treat someone you loved like he’d treated her He hadn’t shown any understanding He hadn’t listened to her, hadn’t waited for her to explain All this ti for her to discuss her past, to share that part of her with him And when he’d had the opportunity, he’d blown it

That would never happen again And he’d be damned if he let her walk out of his life when he’d waited thirty-eight years for her to walk into it

Heat swelled and surrounded theed into his arms, warm and pliant and so very precious All he’d ever wanted, he held right now in his aro He never lost a battle he was truly invested in and this was the most important one of his life

He kissed her temple and let his mouth slide down her soft cheek to her chin His His wo to say about it He was going to tie her so tightly to him that she’d breathe the same air as he did

"Are you warainst her ear

She nodded and he reluctantly pulled her from his embrace and turned the water off He hurried her out of the shower and rubbed her briskly with a towel so she wouldn’t grow chilled again When he got to her hair, he pulled it froiven her for Christmas She hadn’t taken it off Even when she’d been so hurt He traced the lines with his finger and then leaned in to kiss the space between her ear and the choker where her pulse fluttered under his lips

She took a step away, her eyes still haunted and guarded "Jace"