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Carl Henshawe

I slept for about an hour, curled up in a ball on the roof It was fucking freezing, but it was better to freeze out there than to go back into the hall I couldn&039;t bring h it eventually to get to the bike and get out again, but not yet

The thing I re was grey The sky was grey, the buildings looked grey and the streets and bodies were grey All the colour had gone, drained and rotted away

I first looked at ht to decide that I was going to do it The longest three hours ofon the roof of the co I&039;d left behind in the city and whether I should go back to it I knew that I had to do soet this close and then just turn around and go back, could I? Fro, all I&039;d thought about was Gemma and Sarah That was the reason I couldn&039;t see the point of whatever it was that E to achieve Foron if I didn&039;t have Geht about suicide, but I&039; coward that I couldn&039;t decide how to do it I didn&039;t have any pills or drink or drugs withthings surroundingoverabout Once or twice I actually stood at the edge of the roof and got ready to juh I&039;d probably just break an ar for theet me Christ, the bloody irony of it all Millions anddead around me and all I wanted to do was join theht the rifle with me from the farmhouse I reckoned I could have done it that way Quick and easy Bloody hell, it had been weeks since anything had been quick and easy

And in the long lonely minutes that followed evenabout Sarah and Gemma and each tiive up But I knew that Sarah wouldn&039;t have wanted that If she&039;d been able to see me up on that roof she would have crucified iving up and ending it all then she&039;d probably have done it for me And if I was honest with myself I&039;d have felt the same if our positions had been reversed If she&039;d survived and I&039;d been the one that had died, I would have wanted her to be safe and to try andfroo home

I clih and started the bike Without even bothering to think about what ine, pushed the door open and rode out into the cold

I had reached Hadley in a few ine and let the bike freewheel doards our estate I felt scared and I was so fucking nervous that it was hard to think straight I didn&039;t even stop to think about the bodies I was too busy looking at everything and thinking how ed There probably hadn&039;t been another living soul there since I&039;d left on the day it had all begun, but everything looked completely different I went past the pub where we&039;d been on the last norroeeds and there were rats looking for food around the bins The doors were hanging open and it was black and cold inside The last tiht and people

Because I wasn&039;tany noise the bodies didn&039;t seem to take any notice of me If I moved slowly and took ot off the bike and pushed it round into our road Then I saw our house and I stopped Part of me wanted to turn round and run but I knew that I had to carry on But what if I got in and Sarah and Gemma weren&039;t there? Worse still, what if they were there and they&039;d beco theht have found, the thought of leaving and not knowing seemed much worse I knew that I had to carry on

I pushed the bike onto the drive and walked up to the front door There was post in the porch, and like a fucking idiot I picked it up and started to look at it A gas bill and a credit card bill I even opened the bloody things to see howtheir instincts

I had carried my house keys with me every day since we&039;d left Northwich I hadn&039;t ever thought about going back there before, but for soo WithI unlocked the door and went inside

I was just like it hen I left it Everything here I expected to find it Ge was on the kitchen worktop, Sarah&039;s coat was hung over the post at the bottom of the bannister I took off my crash helmet and just stood there and looked around It was like the weirdest fucking dreanored the s had ever happened There was a half-inch layer of dust on everything but other than that it still looked like home

I stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked up