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The farmhouse felt as cold and empty inside as the rest of the world was outside For hours Michael and Eether in total darkness and al constantly about Carl Whilst they could understand why he had decided to leave, neither could fully agree hat he&039;d done Michael&039;s home seemed a million miles away to hi back there for All that he had left behind was familiarity, property and possessions and none of that counted for anything anys which had a sentimental value attached that he wished he had with his weren&039;t worth risking his life for Nevertheless he accepted that Carl had been forced to leave farto Northould never bring his family back but, if it meant that he could be at peace with hiuessed it would be worth taking the chance

Without the generator working the house was dark, cold and uninviting By late evening the gloom was such that Emma and Michael could hardly see each other despite the fact that they were sitting at opposite ends of the saht of a thousand and one things they wanted to say to the other, neither dared say a word Both survivors felt disconsolate and eardless of the fact that Carl had spent most of the last few days locked away in private in his roo felt inco felt the same anymore And more than that, all that E to their coht about it the easier it became to accept what he had done and why he&039;d done it The painful part was not knohether or not he was still alive Was he still driving towards Northwich? Had he arrived? Was he with the survivors or had so the way? Had the numbers of bodies in the city proved too much for him to deal with? No matter how hard they tried, neither Michael or Ehts from their minds The oppressive atmosphere eventually proved toofor a while to be alone

At h He&039;d spent the last fiftyEach yawn had been long and persistent and they had followed one after the other after the other, leaving his head spinning and his eyes watering He desperately wanted to sleep but did nothing about it, despite Eone upstairs over an hour earlier For a while he wondered whether it would even be worth the effort of going up to bed Once there would he be able to switch his h to be able to sleep? He could have slept in the chair he was sitting in but it was unco and still tired A few o upstairs

For some reason Michael decided to try and sleep in another rooht since they&039;d arrived at Penn Farh he desperately wanted both her coht he decided that it would be better if he slept elsewhere Whether he was silently following souided moral code he didn&039;t know and he didn&039;t care Whatever the reason for using another bedroom it didn&039;t work On his own in the dark he couldn&039;t even bring himself to shut his eyes for more than a couple of seconds, neverthe stairs he lit a candle and quietly traipsed back down again Trying hard not to make any more noise than was absolutely necessary he made himself a drink, lit a fire in the hearth and sat down to read a book

Twenty minutes later Emma (who had also been unable to sleep and who had become understandably concerned when she&039;d heard noises downstairs) tiptoed into the living roo in front of the fire she reached out and gently shook his shoulder

&039;Fucking hell!&039; he screahtened movement &039;Jesus, you scared the shit out of me I didn&039;t know you were down here&039;

Taken aback by the unexpected strength of his reaction, Eht her knees up under her backside and consciously tried to shrink her body down to the smallest possible size In spite of the fire the house was still bitterly cold

&039;Sorry,&039; she mumbled &039;You looked like you were asleep&039;

&039;You&039;re joking aren&039;t you? I haven&039;t slept a bloody wink all night&039;

&039;Me neither&039;

Michael finished his drink, stretched and looked around the living rooht - perhaps even too big - and Carl&039;s sudden leaving was the obvious reason why that seemed to be the case The roo shadows from the fire, trapped indoors as the curtains at all of the s had been drawn tightly shut The survivors were afraid to let even the thinnest sliver of light escape out into the night for fear of attractingbodies to the house When they needed to speak to each other Emma and Michael both instinctively talked in hushed whispers which echoed around the eo into another roole unnecessary sound They didn&039;t dare do anything that ht alert the outside world to their presence at the far Michael feel claustrophobic He wanted to screah or do prettyother than sit there and watch the hands on the clock on the wall slowly march round another hour But they both knew that they couldn&039;t afford to take any chances

Michael glanced over at E curled up on the chair She looked tired and sad Her eyes were heavy and she was deep in thought

&039;Co out his areently put his arhtly kissed the top of her head and held her tight

&039;It&039;s bloody cold tonight,&039; she whispered

&039;You tired?&039; he asked

&039;Knackered,&039; she admitted &039;You?&039;

&039;The sah&039;

&039;Norround my mind I can&039;t switch off&039;

&039;Don&039;t need to ask what you&039;re thinking about, do I?&039;

She shook her head

&039;Not really Difficult to think about anything else, isn&039;t it?&039;

Michael held her a little tighter still

&039;Just wish he&039;d stopped,&039; he said, his voice suddenly sounding unexpectedly strained and cracked with emotion &039;I still think I should have stopped him I should have locked the stupid bastard in his room and not let him leave I should have&039;

&039;Shh&039; Ehtly from Michael to allow herself to look deep into his eyes The low orange fla tears which ran freely down his face &039;There was nothing that either of us could have done and talking like this is just pointless, we&039;ve already had this conversation We both knoould have done ood if we&039;d tried to stop him&039;

&039;I just wish he was here now&039; Michael continued, having to force his words out between sobs and deep breaths of air

&039;I know,&039; she whispered, her voice soothing and low

The two friends held each other tightly again After a brief an to cry freely For the first ti on that desperate autuuard, relaxed and cried They cried for all they had lost and left behind, they cried for their absent friend and they cried for each other

The unexpected andof emotion which Emma and Michael shared acted as a relief valve - diffusing otherwise insur down unnecessary (and iinary) barriers Once their tears had dried (it could have been minutes or hours later - neither was coradually, to talk freely again Michael ether as they watched the fire die

&039;You know,&039; Michael yawned, lying on his back and watching the shadows flickering on the ceiling, &039;I&039;d have bought a house like this if I could have afforded it&039;

E on his stomach, smiled to herself

&039;Me too&039;

&039;Really?&039; he asked, lifting hi across at her

&039;Yes, really,&039; she replied &039;It&039;s a dream house, isn&039;t it A lick of paint and it could be beautiful&039;

He sighed and yawned again

&039;Apart fro bodies on the other side of the fence it&039;s okay, isn&039;t it,&039; he nored him She tried to stifle a yawn but couldn&039;t

&039;I&039;o to bed?&039; he asked

&039;No point I won&039;t sleep&039;

&039;Me neither&039;

His elbows aching, Michael lay back down again He scratched the side of his face and then rubbed his chin He hadn&039;t shaved for three or four days He couldn&039;t re it had been but it didn&039;t seem to matter He put his hands behind his head and basked in front of the fire

&039;If it wasn&039;t for the bodies,&039; he said, his voice quiet, &039;then I could put up with this&039;

&039;What do you , I wish everything was back as it was,&039; he explained &039;All I&039; is that I could deal with it all a lot better if the dead bodies had stayed dead I can handle there being only a handful of us left, I&039; with the fact that it&039;s a constant fucking battle&039;

&039;It&039;s not a battle&039;

&039;Yes it is,&039; he insisted &039;Of course it is If ant food then we have to fight for it We have to sneak out, grab as much as we can and then sneak back like bloody ht then we have to be ready to be surrounded by those frigging things outside It&039;s a fucking battle and it&039;s not fair&039;

For a second Michael sounded like a spoilt child But E he said Had it not been punish that ever mattered to them? Why now did they have to continue to suffer like this?

&039;And what really gets me,&039; he continued, &039;is the fact that the bloody things are already dead You can&039;t kill the bullet between their eyes they&039;d still keep co at you&039;

Emma didn&039;t respond She kneas important for him to talk but this was a conversation that she didn&039;t particularly want to prolong She reood For too long they had each kept their fears and e the other two and disturbing the fragile peace and shelter that they&039;d found at Penn Far onto private pain and frustration was not necessarily the best thing to do His internal conflict and personal torture had driven hi, appeared tantamount to suicide

&039;Want another drink?&039; Michael asked, disturbing her train of thought

&039;What?&039; she

&039;I asked if you wanted another drink&039;

&039;No thanks Do you want one?&039;

He shook his head

&039;So why did you ask then?&039;

&039;Don&039;t know Just so to say I suppose&039;

&039;What&039;s wrong with saying nothing&039;

Michael covered his eyes

&039;Too quiet,&039; he replied

&039;And what&039;s wrong with silence?&039;

&039;It lets you think too much&039;

&039;Don&039;t you want to think?&039;

&039;No, not any &039;

&039;But that&039;s a stupid thing to say You&039;re always thinking, aren&039;t you?&039;

He yawned, stretched his arain

&039;There&039;s thinking and there&039;s thinking, isn&039;t there?&039;

&039;Is there?&039;

&039;Of course there is Have you ever sat doith a group of friends and talked about nothing in particular?&039;

&039;Yes&039;

&039;Have you ever had one of those pointless conversations where you spend hours discussing really bloody stupid things? You knohen you find yourself arguing about the colour of your favourite superhero&039;s shorts or so like that?&039;

Emma s about superhero&039;s shorts, but I knohat you mean&039;

&039;I reet up early and disappear into the park for hours We&039;d be there forWe&039;d walk around and play and fight and&039;

&039;You need to switch off,&039; Emma said as Michael&039;s voice trailed away into silence &039;We both do We weren&039;t designed for this kind of life Yourat full speed all the ti to switch off then?&039; he asked &039;When are we going to be able to do so about the consequences?&039;

&039;Don&039;t know&039;

&039;Because I think you&039;re right, we&039;re both going to need to, E to have to try and find a way to do it&039;

&039;Meditation,&039; Eested &039;We couldthe piss?&039;