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IT FEELS LIKE AN eternity has passed before he coain He enters the room hurriedly and doesn&039;t look at me or speak Unusually, he leaves the door open I can see two other Unchangedoutside, and my pulse starts to quicken Is thishe said earlier I don&039;t knohat to think I&039;ve lost track of what&039;s bullshit and what&039;s fact

Mallon removes the strap acrossto the chains holding s down I try to liftHe&039;s out of sight under the bed for a couple ofChrist knohat; then he scrambles back up and brushes himself down He stands on the other side of the rooo, you can-"

Before he&039;s even finished his sentence I&039;ve realized the shackles have been detached frole, painful ht to throw s and arms are cold, numb, heavy, and unresponsive, but I know this isarth of chain between them, ready to wrap it around the fucker&039;s filthy neck and squeeze the life out of hie, but he sidesteps easily, then sticks out a foot and trips me I fall quickly, too fast to put e of the chair, and then ainst the wall I roll over ontoand vision blurred Mallon stands over me He looks down, shakes his head, and tuts

"Do you think I&039;m stupid?"

He hs with disappointment

"Honestly, Danny, weren&039;t you listening to anything I said earlier? Haven&039;t you worked it out yet? Theto achieve"

In the confusion of ed to kick the door shut It opens again, and Mallon gestures for the twobastard, grabs the chains hanging fromease If he&039;d been like us, I think to ht, and it feels like I&039; I can do about it The otherover h for ht and stop ether The floor is cold and wet under my bare feet

"Stay calm and keep your teht back and you&039;ll regret it"

Is that a threat or just a warning to play by his rules? Whatever, the slight gli since Mallon&039;s earlier visit has gone now and has been replaced by fear What are they going to do to me? I&039;m completely at theI can do about it I feel like a failure, ashaed Even if I did ht theet away

"Move," the huge runts in my ear, his voice deep, loud, and emotionless He shoves me square in theto stay upright and not trip over the chains between ht even be Mallon-catches me and pulls me back up

Head bowed, all I can see is s feel leaden with pain and ith nerves as I realize this could befire with fire and trying to break the cycle it was all lies-a cheap, pathetic ruse to keepof all is how easily I fell for it I should have seen through the bullshit They were just trying to keep me pacified to make it easier for the toward? A firing squad? A stoning? The rooiven htnone of it They restrainling again, they relax their grip and let me walk on alone The journey to my final destination feels endless I think about Ellis, and then about Lizzie, Josh, and Edward, and the pain and frustration is tooand shaking and pathetic

We turn right, and I trip through another doorway, stubbing my toe on a low step This must be it I&039; stood still-exposed, prone, and vulnerable I feel hi the shackles from my feet; then I hear the clink of ht aroundbehindback in the direction frohtly, wrists still bound,after endless hours of inactivity I lean forward until the slack is taken up and the chains becoht I look down atpathetic tears of anger and desperation that bounce and splash off the floor What will I see when they uncover my head? Will they even bother? Maybe they&039;ll just shootat the other end of the roouns aiht be s feel like they&039;re about to give way, but I&039;m determined to stand proud and defiant and face this like a man But this wasn&039;t hoas supposed to end

The pillowcase is whipped off my head and dropped on the floor I close ain and look up Mallon is backing away fro alone in a large, open rooth bracket The fear starts to lessen, and uneasy, tentative relief takes its place, but I know it&039;s not over Just because he hasn&039;t killedto The roo one wall, but they&039;re too far away and too high to see through I can see the very tops of distant trees and the squally, rain-filled sky, nothing else

Mallon watches me intently, then turns and leaves The temporary relief immediately disappears with hias chamber? There&039;s no pipework or exhaust fans that I can see, but there are red and brown splashes and stains on the grubby wall behind me-blood, shit, and Christ knohat else There are two filthy buckets over to ? Torture? But I don&039;t have any secrets or restricted inforet fromames withI can do about it But when it happens I&039;ll fight the fucker until either he&039;s dead or I a more food and a pile of clothes My last supper?

"Move back," he says, watching ainst the wall"

I do as he says, shuffling backward but not risking turning around Mallon edges forward to the spot where I was standing, watching me constantly He puts down the clothes and the food, then ain He sits down a safe distance away

"Help yourself"

Stunned, I can&039;t help speaking "What?"

"I said help yourself The food tastes like shit today, but it&039;s war And the clothes are from a dead man, I&039;m afraid But hey, they don&039;t stink of piss like yours do!"

I don&039;t estures forlike a bear circling a bloody lump of freshinto ged and start eating, too hungry to care I can&039;t tell what it is I&039;ht, it does taste like shit, but that doesn&039;t matter-it&039;s food It&039;s finished too soon, and I wash it doith another bottle of stale, lukeater

"Better?" Mallon asks, stretching out on the floor and appearing surprisingly relaxed "I&039;ll get you some more later There&039;s soap and water for you to ith in one of those buckets over there Scrub yourself down, Danny Get rid of the stink and try to ue I get up and move over to the buckets They&039;re just inside the reach of the chains I take off my soiled shorts and rip offit off any other way), then start to wash There&039;s an inch of disinfectant at the botto it closer to the wall, turn my back on Mallon, and squat and shit I wipe myself clean on the torn clothes I&039;ve just discarded

I wash myself as best I can, then dry off with a blanket that Mallon throws over to me I pull on a pair of trousers that just about fit, then wrap the blanket around my shoulders to keep warm I walk toward Mallon until the chains are at full stretch Bastard just sits there and looks up at me He knows I can&039;t reach him

But then-to my complete amazement and disbelief-he throws a bunch of keys and so himself up; then he walks closer, so close we&039;re al

"All we need-" he starts to say, but I shut the fucker up I grab his collar, spin hihtfor too long I drag hiy, pathetic li, then take up the slack froht wrist and wrap it around his neck He splutters, showering roider still I pull tighter, feeling his life slipping away, focusing on the i dead at , choked whisper, "and you&039;ve lost everything"

I pull harder, feeling the chain digging into his neck, constricting his windpipe and cutting off his air supply

Then I stop What did he say? Is he right?

He flops over onto his front, gasping for breath, and starts to craay He&039;s barely gone a yard when I snap , and drag hier by the second I roll him over and form my hand into a chain-wrapped fist I&039;ain

"Break the cycle"

I punch hi his jaw as he turns his head away I straddle his out-of-shape body, a knee on either side to stop hi is wet He&039;s pissed himself with fear

"Noho stinks of piss?"

I lift ain, and he raises his arms to cover his face

"Please, Danny Show some control Kill me now and they&039;ll leave you chained up here to rot"

I pull my fist back even farther If I hit him this time I know I&039;ll finish him

"Think about your faot out of here"

Bullshit

Is it?

He&039;s right about one thing-I&039;m still chained to the wall and I can&039;t escape this room And I know he onlyto help Ellis if I&039;m stuck here and left to starve? I can see the keys on the floor, well out of reach

AgainstI feel and believe-I stand up and step back Mallon scra blood onto the floor Is the fucker going to leavehis jaw, he turns around and grins, blood covering his yellohite teeth

"You did it! I knew you could!"

"What?"

"You did it, Danny More to the point, you didn&039;t do it"

I don&039;t understand He sits down, exhausted, breathing heavily I walk as far as the chains will let ave you a chance to kill me, and you didn&039;t take it You almost did, but you stopped yourself You held the Hate"

"Only because-" I start to explain He holds up his hand to stopand washes out his mouth ater from my bottle One of us ht He spits red-tinged water out onto the dirty carpet

"Doesn&039;t matter why," he says, "fact is you did it Takes a person of intelligence to do that So and see what&039;s really i bastard

"I ot lucky"

He shakes his head "I don&039;t think so"

"I do"

"No," he says, his voice suddenly ave you an opportunity to kill me, which you instinctively tried to take But, before you could do it, you stopped and weighed up the pros and cons And you realized your choice was pretty stark: kill o and survive"

Bastard He&039;s right

"What&039;s important," he continues, "is the fact that you overruled your instincts Like I said, you held the Hate"

I can&039;t argue I want to, but I can&039;t I sit down opposite him I should have killed hiely dirty and defiled, as if I&039;ve just ed boy caught jerking off by his s of explosions Elsewhere the fighting continues It should have continued in here, too I should reach across, grab hold of him, and kill him now But I don&039;t

"So how did it happen to you?" he asks,"I&039;ve told you my story, Danny, what your people did to

"Co to me? Face facts I could have had you killed when you first arrived here, but I didn&039;t I could have done it myself, but instead I&039;ve fed you, watered you, I haven&039;t tortured you You don&039;t have any information I want, no top secret plans of attack There&039;s no need for you not to speak now You&039;ve already done the hard part; now finish the job Break the cycle Talk toI know you really are It&039;s up to you"

I can see the frustration in his face Truth is, I&039; about what he said Either he&039;s right and I&039;ve got nothing left to lose, or it&039;s too late and I&039;ve already lost it all Or is my sudden pathetic weakness just a result of the physical and emotional stress of captivity? Have I just lost the ability to think straight?

"Back in your room yesterday," he continues, "you flinched when I , the doll and the clothes Do you want to start there? Are they trophies or reminders?"

I try hard to hide it, but ly obvious He immediately picks up on it

"So what happened? Were you with theuilt because you killed the people you used to love?"

Can&039;t help uilt is that I didn&039;t kill thee

"Tell me more"

"I was confused, disoriented," I tell hiled by eht uard"

"Partner?"

I nod my head

"Kids?"

"Three One like me, two like you"

He looks confused "One like you?"

"Ellis, hter"

"What happened to her?"

I&039; that I&039;ed Don&039;t want him to know she&039;s the reason I came back to the city

"Herout the words He nods slowly, trying to make it look like he understands

"Must be hard to deal with," he says "I ht I&039;d had it bad, but at least I knohat happened to my family I know they&039;re both dead and I&039;ve had closure, but you, you don&039;t have a clue where any of them are or even if they&039;re still alive"

"I should have killed theine what you&039;ve been through The realization you were a killer et away?"