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The one slight advantage of leaving the office late tonight was that, for once, I was able to get a seat on the train ho in-between carriages, surrounded by other equally pissed-off travellers I needed the space to helpon the platfor to work out what it is I actually want to do withit happen I have similar useless discussions with myself on the way home at least once or twice every week I was too tired to concentrate tonight There were two girls sitting opposite me and their conversation about clothes, soap operas and who&039;d done hose boyfriend was farabout

February I hate this ti It&039;s dark when I leave the house in the ht This ti myself, it will be the weekend Two days without work I can&039;t wait

I drag myself up the hill and around the corner into Calder Grove and I can finally see our home at the end of the road It&039;s not ot at the moment and it will have to do for now We&039;re on the council waiting list to get a bigger place but it&039;ll probably be years before they ht finally be able to start saving so that we can put a deposit on a house of our own and get out of this aparto but she fell pregnant with Josh and everything got put on hold again I love my kids but we didn&039;t plan any of the Edward and Ellis but then Josh ca and we found it hard to put food on the table, never mind money in the bank We claim all the benefits we&039;re entitled to and Harry, Lizzie&039;s dad, helps us out now and again, but it&039;s a constant struggle It shouldn&039;t have to be like this Still, we get more help from Liz&039;s dad than we do from my family Mum&039;s in Spain with her new boyfriend, my brother&039;s in Australia and no-one&039;s heard anything from Dad for three years now The only time we hear from any of them is on the children&039;s birthdays and at Christ of kids under a broken street lamp in the alleyhich runs between two of the houses onand driving beat-up cars around the estate I don&039;t like them They&039;re trouble I put my head down and walk a little faster I worry aboutup round here Calder Grove itself isn&039;t that bad but so worse The council is trying to run apartment blocks like ours down so they can flatten them and build new houses There are six flats in our block - two on each floor - and only ours and one other is left occupied now We try not to have anything to do with the people upstairs I don&039;t trust theed ether on the top floor They don&039;t seeo out to work either And there&039;s a constant strea their doorbell at all hours of the day and night I&039; up there, but I don&039;t think I want to knohat it is

I finally reach the communal front door and let myself into the apartment block The door sticks and then opens with a loud, ear-piercing creak which can probably be heard froet the council to come and sort it out for h I work for the the entrance hall is dark and cold and my footsteps echo all around et scared out here I wouldn&039;t want to spend too long out here on o inside and shut, lock and bolt the door behind me Home Thank God for that I take off my coat and shoes and, for almost half a second, I relax

&039;Where&039;ve you been?&039; Lizzie scowls She appears froonally to the kitchen Her ar

&039;Work,&039; I reply The answer&039;s so obvious I wonder whether it&039;s a trick question &039;Why?&039;

&039;You should have been back ages ago&039;

&039;Sorry, I got delayed Got stuck with soo at me I missed my train&039;

&039;You could have called&039;

&039;I&039;ve run out of credit on my mobile and I didn&039;t have any cash on me to top it up Sorry, Liz, I didn&039;t think I&039;d be this late&039;

No response I can&039;t even see her now The fact she&039;s gone quiet onand I know that whatever it is, any probleht have had today will now have to take second place All side whatever it is that&039;s bothering her This see to piss me off I know Lizzie works hard and the kids play her up, but she wants to think herself lucky She wants to try dealing with some of the shit that I have to put up with each day I take a deep breath and follow her into the kitchen

&039;Your dinner&039;s in the oven,&039; she grunts

&039;Thanks,&039; I mumble as I open the oven door and recoil from the sudden blast of red-hot air which coe of a dried-out and overcooked plate of pie, chips and peas &039;Are you okay?&039;

&039;Not really,&039; she replies, her voice barely audible She&039;s on her knees shoving washing into the machine

&039;What&039;s the &039;

I crunch into a burnt chip and then quickly smother the rest of my food in sauce to take away some of the charcoal taste Don&039;t want to risk Lizzie thinking I don&039;t like it I hate playing these ga, so on&039;t she just tell h this stupid routine every tiain

&039;I can tell so&039;

&039;Very perceptive of you,&039; she mumbles &039;It doesn&039;t matter&039;

&039;Obviously it does&039;

&039;Look,&039; she sighs, switching on the washingher back, &039;if you really want to knohat&039;s wrong why don&039;t you ask the kids? Maybe they&039;ll tell you why I&039;

Right on cue two of the children push their way into the kitchen, jostling with each other for position Edward digs his elbow into his little sister&039;s ribs Ellis shoves hiainst the table, spilling Liz&039;s coffee

&039;Dad, will you tell her?&039; Ed spits, pointing accusingly

&039;Tell her what?&039; I ask, distracted by the pile of bills I&039;ve just found on the table

&039;Tell her to stop followingme up&039;

&039;Why don&039;t you both just leave each other alone? Go and play in your own rooms&039;

&039;I want to watch telly,&039; Ed protests

&039;I atching it first,&039; Ellis co to bed soon,&039; I sigh, trying to reason with Edward &039;Just let her watch it for a while then you can change the channel when she&039;s gone to bed&039;

&039;Butany of it &039;It&039;s not fair, you always take her side Why do you always take her side?&039;

I&039;ve had enough

&039;Let&039;s just leave the television off then,&039; I tell theod-awful noise is drowned out by Lizzie who shrieks at the pair of the volues out of the room Ellis slaps him on the back as he passes