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"Your heat, I hate losing it" He stands, pulling up his jeans; and I wraphi ht after we stripped the bed, Trevor in his normal position, his body on top ofme a man like Trevor I don’t knohy, but I know that he has so placed in my life

Chapter 11

Trevor

"I thought we talked about this?" I look at Liz, and then back down at the round case of pills that are tauntingon getting her pregnant I need to know that she is tied toon her finger, and in a week she'll have htdick, but I need it I have to know that we have soh eternity

"No, you talked about it You said what you wanted, and I told you that I don't want the sa as me"

"In Trevor's universe, I' her plate to the sink

"You love July" My anger is starting to surface, and I know that I need to stop before I say so I can’t take back

"I do," she whispers I can see tears for in her eyes

"Talk to h your head?" I yell Her eyesback at me that I flinch

"I can't do it," she whispers, right before she runs out of the house It takes a second to realize that the sound I hear is her car spitting up gravel in the driveway "Fuck!" I roar, picking up her pill case and crushing it in rab my keys, and head out to find my fiancée

I have driven all over town, and called everyone and anyone who ht knohere Liz is, but no one has heard a word froically, I know that she's okay, but I feel sick orry and knoon't be able to breathe easy until I can see her and touch her So in my brain makes me drive by the cemetery where her father is buried When I see her car parked outside the gate, all the things I didn't understand, the things she has been keeping bottled up, slide into place Shutting off the engine, I hop out of the truck and walk through the giant iron gates I look to the left, seeing a bright blue blur off in the distance When I get closer, I see Liz kneeling, her head to the ground in front of her father’s grave Watching her shtens, andthe woman I love in this kind of pain killsher in

"I can't do it I love you, but I can't have your baby," she cries, her voice filled with soopen

"Baby, what happened to yourto happen toto cli to absorb some of her pain "Your dad would want you to be as happy as possible," I whisper into her hair, runningto comfort her

"I’m af–afraid that I’ll leave a kid behind like I was left behind I d–d–don’t want that to happen," she stutters out, her body rocking against th of her tears

"Breathe, baby" I' my hand down her back "You know that we can't predict the future, but you and I not sharing the love that we have for each other with a life that we create together would be devastating to ht was possible to love another person You have ht s attached, and is given without expecting anything in return" I pull her face away fro with you All the good and the bad that life has to offer, I want you by my side for all of it

"What happens if one or both of us dies? What happens then?"

"You can't live your life thinking ’what if‘ There are too many variables" I tell her honestly "Do you think that if your dad knew that he was going to leave you while he was still young, while you were still young, that he wouldn't have wanted the time he had with you, Tim, and your mom? Or do you think that even with his tile second that he had with y’all, knowing that he had his family and people who loved him"

"He left me!" She cries harder

"He did leave, but he never left you He is alith you"

"I le out against the lump in my throat "I know you do"

"I don’t want anyone to miss me" Her words are so quiet, that I hardlyhappened to you, I wouldn’t kno to go on without you I would iven even the smallest amount of your time to Every person you co the kind of woman you are lets me know that when you become the mother to our children, they will be lucky, because you love so co you have"

"I don’t know if I can do it"

"Tellinto her eyes As much as it would kill me to not have a child with her, if that is what she truly wanted, I would do it for her "You don’t want a baby?" Her face goes slack; tears start to fall harder