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I closed my eyes and blurted it out "I talked to Dr Heller about it--"

"What?" His body was like rock against mine

"Lucas, I’m sorry if I invaded your privacy--"

"If?" He shot up, unable to look at o talk to hi enough for you? Or personal enough?" He pulled on his boxers and jeans, his h "Did you want to kno she looked when they found her? How she’d bled out? How even when my dad ripped out the carpet with his bare hands--" he exhaled harshly "--there was a yard-wide circle of bloodstained flooring underneath that couldn’t be sanded deep enough to get it all?" His voice broke and he stopped talking

In shock and out of words, I could hardly breathe He sat on the edge of the bed, silent, his head in his hands He was so close that I could have reached out to stroke the cross that ran along his spine, but I didn’t dare I scooted carefully froot dressed I pulled on my UGGs and walked to stand at the foot of the bed

His elbows pressed into his thighs, his hands obscuring his face like blinders I stared at the dark hair grazing his shoulders, the flexeddown his forearm, his beautiful, lean torso and the words etched into his side like a brand

"Do you wantthe words with a steady voice

I don’t knohy I thought he would say no, or say nothing I rong, either way

"Yes"

The tears started flowing then, but he couldn’t see them He didn’t ry, because I’d crossed a line and I knew it, and rabbed my purse and keys from the kitchen table and my coat fro afterbut silence from his room

When I opened the door, Francis shot inside, along with a burst of cold air I pulled the door shut behind id air and wondering how I’d hly, I was deter the railing as I rushed cluh the coht and my tears A splinter pierced my hand two steps from the bottom

"Ow! Dammit" The physical pain provided the ideal excuse for the sobbing to start I sprinted down the long, curved driveway, unsuccessful in et into the truck "Damn Damn Damn Fuck" I jarave; vu That was the first thing I thought when I felt myself propelled across the bench seat That here the reseh

Buck shut the door behind hiht is and he had my left wrist in his hand before I could h to spread your legs for anybody but me, huh Jackie?"

Chapter 26

On er door, I jerked at s "Get off!" I yelled the words, knowing they would be less to him I was parked in the street--too far for anyone else to hear me "Get out of my truck!" I’d dropped my keys onto the truck floor when he’d shoved ht hand, intending to use therabbed ht wrist and shook his head like he could readYou and your lying cunt friend have ruinedlife"

And then, I heard Ralph’s voice in my head Your body is already a weapon You just need to kno to use it Abruptly, I stopped struggling and took stock: I couldn’t kick I could possibly get ht down, but then what? He would just grab ain, immobilizeI would naturally seek I turnedto you, godda in as he leaned over ht hand free

While shovinghis balls and yanking up as hard as I could, I slammed e in a straight upward trajectory

The night in the frat parking lot, everything had happened so quickly that getting s was i was in slow motion--so for an i I’d just done had worked

And then he screa I had never seen so h I’d opened a faucet full-blast

Left hand free

He was listing to the side Still yanking up on his balls, I raisedhis shoulder with my left hand He fell sideways into the cra rushed back into hit open so violently that it almost bounced all the way back

Just before I cleared the door, his right hand shot out and grabbed my wrist, like the never-quite-dead psycho in a horror movie I spun and smashed my fist down on the sensitive spot on his upper forearm, inches down frorily and atteht position

I didn’t wait to see if he succeeded I vaulted from my truck and ran