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With the amount of ti at a barely visible distance from the huddle of trailers and sets, I think my co-stars have decided I’ in character on and off-screen I’ve caught insinuations that indicate as much, but I’ve no need to artificially immerse myself in the et hih I’hts and e to portray hi on painful experiences froony blazes through me, on cue

BROOKE

It’s been six days since I’ve seen him

Kathryn has been the voice of reason at every turn ‘Don’t overwhels, Brooke,’ she says, when I want to buy hio set I can find online We choose a half-dozen, and put four of them away for later It takes me almost an hour to narrow to a couple of plush animals – a teddy, of course, and a floppy-eared puppy (to coes )

One wall of his rooreen – his favourite colour, according to Wendy His rooreen – I’ve hired a trompe l’oeil artist to paint a roadith colourful cars and background scenery all the way around at eye level The ceiling will be baby blue, with fluffy clouds scattered from one corner to the other His closets will be painted with chalkboard paint, so he can draw all over them

It appears that I can’t help but overdo

I worry over this, too, but Kathryn laughs and shakes her head ‘This is you, Brooke Just try to pull back a little Remember, what he needs is your love That’s why poverty-stricken parents can still do a wonderful job of raising a child’

What she doesn’t say: That’s ealthy parents often fail at it They substitute things for affection

‘I’ll re his built-in bookcase with books – dozens of picture books – favourites fro new that catchese line them up on the shelves – a miniature library Wendy says River likes to be read to before bed, and I wonder to myself if he’d like to be read to on the flat rock by the creek, in the middle of the day, for no reason

I buy Matchbox cars and a track with a double loop in the middle that Reid assuresconstruction trucks that will look evenparts encrusted with dirt

I choose a green toothbrush and three kinds of toothpaste A nightlight shaped like a racing car that switches on and off A pair of galoshes in John Deere green, even though the forecast calls for a cool, sunny day

River’s caseworker is picking hi hi the home study, so she’s already familiar with the place She and Kathryn hit it off ier to war a blunt personality

Soure

Glenn is planning a barbecue for dinner He’s one of those guys with the , Licensed to GRILL! and all the long-handled accessories you can shake a stick at On the way hoht, he stocked up on supplies: sirloin patties and beef hot dogs, buns, pickles, sweet relish and shoestring potatoes

Kathryn’s chargeda fruit salad to keepher up the itharound the house) One minute I’m happy and ridiculously domestic, and the next I’m positive someone will call to tell me they’ve made a mistake I never should have been considered to be River’s mother It was a court error – haha, so sorry

When the phone rings,the heads off strawberries, and I feel the sharp sting of the blade cutting through layers of skin

‘Ouchgoddammit! I er develops a strea knife wasn’t the best decision …’ Kathryn observes, turning to grab first-aid supplies from the pantry while I cleanse the cut and press a paper towel to it to stop the bleeding

Glenn snags the phone on the third ring ‘Y’ello?’ His expression appears concerned, which makes my heart flip over – until he says, ‘And it’s onlyto a stop, but not when you’re idling? Uh-huh Do the noise one more time for me’

I’m an idiot This call is on the landline, not my cell And it’s obviously Kelley or Kylie with so to stamp out risly wound’ Kathryn takes , she says, ‘I think we’ll be able to save the finger Let’s bandage that up and then give you so less disaster-prone to do while ait’

As though I’ain, my stepmother seats ash and covers it with a neon-pink bandage

‘Reid told me that you’re aze flashes to mine ‘I must have known that, deep down, for years But I never really acknowledged it I always thought who I was – who I’d become – came down to blood, but that’s just not true I don’t knoho I’d be without you Which seeiven the fact thata kiss to hs ‘Oh, honey – take a look around Does my life look ruined to you? I have three very beautiful, talented daughters, a loving –’ We hear Glenn outside, preparing the patio cooking area and belting out his own version of an eighties pop song, in which grills are crazy about sharp-dressedto becorandmother twice in the next few months! I have a wonderful life, Brooke, and I’m happy you’re part of it’

When the doorbell chimes, I freeze in place I can’t breathe