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‘Brooke, you’re still so young – and there’s an, clearly about to launch into couldn’t-be-less-welcome life advice

‘You think?’ I snapped, and he shut up right quick ‘Look I’uidance any more than I wanted Sharla’s This is an FYI call only And if you want to tell the adoption caseworker what a horrible o ahead’

He had the nerve to sound taken aback ‘Brooke, I would never do that I knoasn’t the best father –’

‘Oh,reat at it’ I wanted to rip the gear shift out and beatthat I’d just tacked a bull’s-eye right over my most emotionally susceptible spot Idiot

‘The opposite, actually I kept thinking I could start over again and get it right’

Holy shit, I thought How deluded could he be? ‘Well, that’s just stupid You’re screwing around with people’s lives and breaking people’s hearts I can’t iine why you left Kathryn for Sharla’ I couldn’t stop sneeringpoisonous ‘Or why Kelley and Kylie weren’t enough for you’ Or why I wasn’t enough for you

‘The problem, Brooke, is that with Sharla caes may look like colossal ret any of you kids So I guess I can understand yourit right Getting the child without the dysfunctional relationship’

‘You say you don’t regret e You didn’t just leave my mother, Daddy – you left me’ I bit back tears

‘I’m … sorry’

‘Yeah, well’ I steeled er who hates you Try taking Evan to the zoo or soames, or school plays, or birthday parties, instead of just sending them money’

I realized by the time I was fifteen that my father never slacked on his financial support of me He paid his child support pay amount of cash every year But I was jealous of the kids whose dads showed up for their lives

‘Do you hate hed, too tired to hate more than one parent at a time with any real conviction ‘I don’t know’

He sighed in return ‘You alere brutally honest’

I huffed an indignant laugh ‘Mom just told me I was always a bitch’

‘What? That’s absurd I think the whole state of Texas knoho the bitch is, sugar’ He hadn’t called e I hen he left My jaw clenched up again

‘I’, Daddy Call Rory and Evan I’ll … keep you posted on River’

‘His name is River? Brooke and River’ He chuckled ‘I like it I’d like toto disappear on him,’ I countered

‘I … understand Keep me posted And don’t worry about Sharla She’ll come around’

‘No, she won’t – but I don’t care You knoell as anyone – sos just don’t work out’

Me: WHY aren’t you calling ned the form???

Reid: Give ned it?’ I answer in place of hello, trying to keep the panic out ofon, and I know it So me I can feel it the way you feel certain storht before they roll across the horizon Like the air is charged Electric The invisible hairs on your body all standing up for it Waiting

‘I haven’t, and I’ to –’

‘What? What? What the fuck, Reid –’

‘Will you give me a minute, please? We need to talk about –’

‘Reid, if you don’t sign that form –’

‘Don’t threaten me, Brooke’ His voice is solid, authoritative in a way it’s never been, and I’h with fear, because he has the upper hand, and he clearly knows it ‘Please shut up and listen’

I say nothing

‘I can’t sign the forhts to hiins to shake uncontrollably, like it did the time I popped an amphetamine at a party – which scared ain I yank on my boots, which look ridiculous at the end of my flannel pyjama bottoms, but I don’t care Phone pressed to my ear, I tromp down the hallway and into the kitchen, where Kathryn and Glenn areritual Jazz flows lightly from the sound system and the smell of waffles and bacon per down to the creek,’ I tell the the back door open

Kathryn turns, spatula in hand, her s as she takes in the phone andokay, honey?’ Her head angles and she takes a step towards ’s fine’ My s of me in it ‘I’ll be back up in a few minutes’

‘I want to join your adoption application,’ Reid says as I pull the glass door shut behindso hard that I’ the sweater’s hood over h the chill in the air is responsible for my body’s reaction to Reid’s words, I stomp in the direction of the creek ‘Why?’

‘I talked to alto give him a home –’