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I should be angry, but instead, I feel conflicted and relieved What The Hell?
So then I think – ical I’m asatisfaction at the root of this How fucking lame and archaic – I ht is the knowledge that this same kid has turned Brooke Cameron into an ardent defender of motherhood – her own, of course – not the institution itself But still There must be some primitive i with Dad to decide what to do next Dropping into a seat across from him, I hile he finishes a client email His home office looks the sah-rise headquarters, but I haven’t given it a detailed survey in years
He doesn’t meet with clients here, of course, so there’s no need for posturing – tasteful artwork, perfectly aligned legal books, s on the walls consists of a couple of repulsively gruesos he inherited fro to retain a memory of theement of California and Federal criminal-law voluer as a ten-year-old), and thick toain for h at times I wonder how far apart my dad’s career and my own actually are
On his cupboard is an array of fralances at theest isday Next to it is Mo me the day I was born – she, fresh-faced and beautiful, and rapefruit, encased in a tube of blue blankets Another shows Moarten, iant shell on my back She smiles down atblue eyes, laughing straight into the camera
While Dad taps at the keyboard, I rise and pick up the pewter fra closer, I mentally compare this photo to the one of River Only a year older than he is now, I look er My clothes are new and expensive – a h at five, I couldn’t possibly have known or cared My expression is far from solemn Even so, I see him in my features I see him, if he was cared for And happier
I didn’t want this, any of it, but it’s like I’, and there’s nothing I can do but accept the inevitable and try to e
‘All done,’ Dad says, and I set the photo back in its place and take a seat in front of his desk, leaning forward, elbows on knees, hands clasped Mirroring the sensation I got walking between Brooke’s box towers a few days ago, the walls are closing in
‘I don’t expect you to anshat I’ot the tier over decisions You’ve said that Ms Cameron intends to adopt the child –’
‘River’
‘River Right’ His pen scratches across the pad ‘Do you knohether she intends to continue to live in LA? Orinto a two-bedroom condo near the one she’s in now I assume that means she plans to be herehis lips, he taps his pen, staring at his handwritten notes ‘My initial reaction was hope that I could extricate you fro for which you can serve a feeeks of community service or pay a fine, and then it’s all over’
He leans up and our eyes lock – his dark, like Dori’s, and I wonder how long it’s been since he’s looked atto lecture you about protection – I think you know these things, and you probably knew theh to be consistent If anyone should be lectured, it’s me Christ, you weren’t even fifteen when this happened’ He runs a hand through his salt-and-pepper hair, his jaw locked ‘The fact remains, you fathered a child, even if you were a child yourself at the ti with settled adoptive parents, he’s presently in foster care, and it’s very likely he’ll be living with your unstable ex-girlfriend soon, , Dad?’
‘I’hts to hiret it’
Okay This day is full of unanticipated responses I nod once and stare at my hands as he continues
‘When you were born, I was petrified that I’d be a horrible father Your grandfather was a hard uess in many ways my fear came true – I made it true But I never turned ht now and try to explain why I signed away ood thing, almost always, in cases like yours and Brooke’s What’s happened to the – to River – is virtually unheard of It couldn’t have been foreseen, and there’s little use asking why or how it happened All that matters is e choose to do about it now What you choose to do about it now – because I won’t make this choice for you But I’ll stand by you, no matter what you decide’
I close my eyes and will the walls to shift further apart so I can breathe ‘Assun the relinquishment, what happens?’
‘Three choices One, you si the adoptionin an eventual relinquishment by default Two, join Brooke’s bid to adopt and request joint custody Three, file for full custody Considering the fact that you were fifteen when he was born, she knew you were the father, and no one saw fit to inforuardians, a case could be ned her rights aith full parental consent You signed nothing, and neither did we’
Brooke will be furious noto drive Dori away as soon as I spill this to her And I could destroy ile sobriety
‘What about Morirappled with that all day I don’t know, Reid She’s been going towell Better than I’ve seen her in a decade But you and I know that upheavals like this …’
I drop my head in my hands, pulled in a million directions ‘I know’
Ever the attorney, he says, ‘I’ll have to consider how to best disclose it to her That will be h on your plate’