Page 27 (1/2)
27
In the stunned reaction that follows, I&039; cackle accoins I see hiuards block hiin to converge on me, I think of what my brief future as the assassin of Paneation, probable torture, certain public execution Having, yet again, to say oodbyes to the handful of people who stillmy mother, ill now be entirely alone in the world, decides it
"Good night," I whisper to the bow in o still I raise my left arm and twist my neck down to rip off the pill on my sleeve Instead my teeth sink into flesh I yankinto Peeta&039;s eyes, only now they hold aze Blood runs frohtlock "Let rasp
"I can&039;t," he says As they pull me away from him, I feel the pocket ripped froround, watch Cinna&039;s last gift get crunched under a guard&039;s boot I transfor whatever I can to free uards lift me up above the fray, where I continue to thrash as I&039; for Gale I can&039;t find hiood clean shot to end it all Only there&039;s no arrow, no bullet Is it possible he can&039;t see iant screens placed around the City Circle, everyone can watch the whole thing being played out He sees, he knows, but he doesn&039;t follow through Just as I didn&039;t when he was captured Sorry excuses for hunters and friends Both of us
I&039;m on my own
In the ed, half carried down long passages, up and down elevators, and deposited on a carpeted floor The cuffs are removed and a door slams closed behind me When I push the blindfold up, I find I&039; Center The one where I lived during those last precious days before er Games and the Quarter Quell The bed&039;s stripped to thethe emptiness inside, but I&039;d know this rooet to jay suit I&039;er or two, but it&039;s le with the guards The new pink stuff has shredded like tissue paper and blood seeps through the laboratory-grown cells No one to care, I crawl up onto theto bleed to death
No such luck By evening, the blood clots, leaving me stiff and sore and sticky but alive I lientlest cycle I can remember, free of any soaps and hair products, and squat under the warm spray, elbows on my knees, head in my hands
My name is Katniss Everdeen Why am I not dead? I should be dead It would be best for everyone if I were dead
When I step out on the ed skin dry There&039;s nothing clean to put on Not even a towel to wrap around jay suit has disappeared In its place is a paper robe A meal has been sent up from the mysterious kitchen with a container of o ahead and eat the food, take the pills, rub the salve on my skin I need to focus now on the manner of my suicide
I curl back up on the bloodstainedso naked with just the paper to coverto lass must be a foot thick I canmyself from It&039;s possible I could hoard my pills and then knock myself off with a lethal dose, except that I&039; watched round the clock For all I know, I&039;m on live television at this very moment while commentators try to analyze what could possibly have motivated me to kill Coin The surveillanceain
What I can do is give up I resolve to lie on the bed without eating, drinking, or taking my medications I could do it, too Just die If it weren&039;t for thewithdrawal Not bit by bit like in the hospital in 13, but cold turkey Ifor it hits, acco pains, and unbearable cold, shell I&039;ernails to find those precious pills I flung away in a strongerI will beco of bones, with enorood progress, when so At the , in the shower, in s, ht me before he died, for certainly there has been very littleis how clearly I reh and breaking on the high notes, war splendid A voice that would jays fall silent and then tumble over themselves to join in Days pass, weeks I watch the snows fall on the ledge outside myAnd in all that time, mine is the only voice I hear
What are they doing, anyway? What&039;s the holdup out there? How difficult can it be to arrange the execution of one irl? I continue with my own annihilation My body&039;s thinner than it&039;s ever been and er is so fierce that soives in to the temptation of buttered bread or roastedFor a few days I feel quite unwell and think Iout of this life, when I realizeto sloean jay will be easier to dispose of in front of a crowd And then a terrible thought hitsto kill me? What if they have more plans for me? A neay to remake, train, and use me?
I won&039;t do it If I can&039;t kill myself in this room, I will take the first opportunity outside of it to finish the job They can fatten ive ain They can design dream weapons that coain brainwash er feel any allegiance to theseoneabout us destroying one another and letting sonificantly wrong with a creature that sacrifices its children&039;s lives to settle its differences You can spin it any way you like Snow thought the Hunger Gaht the parachutes would expedite the war But in the end, who does it benefit? No one The truth is, it benefits no one to live in a world where these things happen
After two days ofon my mattress with no atte tablet, the door to my room opens Someone crosses around the bed into my field of vision Haymitch "Your trial&039;s over," he says "Co ho about? My hoo to this iers appear Rehydrate and feeddoll and carries me up to the roof, onto a hovercraft, and fastens me into a seat Haymitch and Plutarch sit across from me In a few moments, we&039;re airborne
I&039;ve never seen Plutarch in such a good"You must have a million questions!" When I don&039;t respond, he answers them anyway
After I shot Coin, there was pandemonium When the ruckus died down, they discovered Snow&039;s body, still tethered to the post Opinions differ on whether he choked to death while laughing or was crushed by the crowd No one really cares An eether and Paylor was voted in as president Plutarch was appointed secretary of co for the airwaves The first big televised event was my trial, in which he was also a star witness In h iven to Dr Aurelius, who apparently earned his naps by presenting me as a hopeless, shell-shocked lunatic One condition for h it will have to be by phone because he&039;d never live in a forsaken place like 12, and I&039;m confined there until further notice The truth is, no one quite knohat to do with h if another one should spring up, Plutarch&039;s sure they could find a role for h It never seems to bother him when no one else appreciates his jokes
"Are you preparing for another war, Plutarch?" I ask
"Oh, not noe&039;re in that sweet period where everyone agrees that our recent horrors should never be repeated," he says "But collective thinking is usually short-lived We&039;re fickle, stupid beings with poor h who knows? Maybe this will be it, Katniss"
"What?" I ask
"The ti the evolution of the human race Think about that" And then he asks ra upbeat would be good He&039;ll send the crew to my house
We land briefly in District 3 to drop off Plutarch He&039;s y on the broadcast systeer"
When we&039;re back a back to Twelve?"
"They can&039;t seem to find a place for me in the Capitol either," he says
At first, I don&039;t question this But doubts begin to creep in Hayo anywhere If he&039;s co back to 12, it&039;s because he&039;s been ordered to "You have to look after s Then I realize what itback"
"No," he says He pulls an envelope from his jacket pocket and hands it to"She&039;s helping to start up a hospital in District Four She wants you to call as soon as we get in" My finger traces the graceful swoop of the letters "You knohy she can&039;t come back" Yes, I knohy Because between my father and Prim and the ashes, the place is too painful to bear But apparently not for me "Do you want to knoho else won&039;t be there?"
"No," I say "I want to be surprised"
Like a good mentor, Haymitch makes me eat a sandwich and then pretends he believes I&039; through every co it in his bag It&039;s night e land on the green of the Victor&039;s Village Half of the houses have lights in the s, including Haymitch&039;s and mine Not Peeta&039;s Someone has built a fire inmy mother&039;s letter
"Well, see you to of his bag of liquor bottles fades away, I whisper, "I doubt it"