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I got hoet holass of wine and waited so alone

You’re not

You have your de in that house, the house that wasn’tsplayed across the kitchen table, was the first ti tile before I found Camden, but that was no time to reflect or think

Now I truly was alone

And it was terrifying

Not only being in a large and still unfamiliar house with unfamiliar sounds

And not because I still had this undercurrent of paranoia at the back ofof dread that followed ht Californian sunshine

But because I was alone with uilt

Alone with the knowledge of the things I’d done

The people I’d killed

So many sins

I put my head on the table and cried I cried for my mother, for the father I knew and lost, for Violetta, I even cried for Javier I cried for the men I shot, in self-defense or self-preservation I cried for the people I’d stolen from, robbed, conned, lied to I cried for everyone who ever had to meet me

Everyone except Travis

For hi at all, a stone where my heart should be

I cried until Ca, tear-streaked mess who’d drunk an entire bottle of wine Caht

Then the sun rose and his lips lightened my soul and his heart set me free

And I was able to move on

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

While I was busy having my pity-party at home, Camden and Gus had stayed out until just after Sophia’s work closed She got into a Prelude, newer ot to Pasadena, Ca her the whole time, two cars behind Fro, it was like old ti me this tialow on the edge of a golf course, a et in and out of than an aparthbors and they were close to her, which could pose a bit of a probleot choked up when he mentioned Ben He didn’t see him but he could see a few toys scattered in the front yard, solidifying his existence

As et his son back, patience was an unfortunate virtue Gus wanted us to hold off for a few days while they basically stalked Sophia to get an idea of where she went and at what tihter the operation was, the less traumatic it would be for Ben

It was on day three of their surveillance that they discovered the neighbor across the street took Ben to her house every other day, while Sophia placed hihbor was an older woman in her late fifties who didn’t appear to have children herself but would take in a few other kids in the neighbourhood, et than a daycare

When they got ho in bed, I could tell that Ca himself up about it and what they had to do

"Would it oodhim for a hint

He shook his head and leaned back into the pillows "No Not really Because Ben is just a boy and a boy loves his mom It doesn’t matter hoicked the mother is, that’s the only mother he knows Ben will be crushed e do this"

"And he’ll eventually be crushed if you don’t," I reled into hi to distract him "TellWhat you will be doing?"

He s to take his s and he didn’t care "Well, if we could I’d still like to go to Gualala Though in reality we’d probably end up in Canada or so, because Sophia and her brothers will not take this lying down"

"It’s a dream life, Camden Gualala it is"

"Okay then Gualala I don’t know if I’d be doing tattoos,or sculpture I’ve always loved carving things out of driftwood I could have an art shop We’d have Ben and a boy or girl of our own, four years younger Gus would be there too with so?"

"You?" he eyed me appreciatively "You’d just stand around and look pretty"

"And?"

"Give me blow jobs"