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I wasn’t going to ever really be okay again, I didn’t think anyone that had been through what I had in the last fewraped by a lunatic had givenfro to do differently froet with ether with dried blood and who knehat else and it wasn’t like there was going to be any fixingto have to face the horror show full on and deal with it

I wastexts fro them knoas fine when the door opened and he caer that was stamped all across his handsoht of me all battered and bruised I saw his chest inflate and deflate as he sucked in an audible breath and moved to the end of the bed We stared at each other in silence and I noticed absently that his hair was still normal and unruly as well as it’s natural dark brown color I still hated it because it er His eyes looked wild and too big for his face; a full blown blizzard eeping out of the cold depths He waslike he did when he was nervous and I realized if I didn’t say anything there was a good chance ould spend the rest of the afternoon watching each other warily

"You didn’t have to co hands tightened on the end of the bed and I watched as the snake head bend and flexed with his aggravation

"I wanted to see for ht You could have called to let me know you were hurt"

I refused to look away froaze landed on another part ofyou haven’t spoken to ical to let you knoas going on"

His ht I should have been there You shouldn’t have been alone"

I sighed and clenched ht, you should’ve been there but not because Gabe is crazy and not because I needed protecting from him, you should have been there because you cared about me as much as I care about you but that isn’t the case No one is to blame for this mess but Gabe, he’s sick and broken and chances are even if soone all stalker crazy so it is what it is I don’t hold anyone accountable but him, besides my body is already on the h a food processer"

"Shaw," he tried to interject soht in the eye "I’ht when this started with you I would be okay hatever it was you illing to give, thought I could love you enough for the both of us since I had been suffocating in it for so long, but I realize now that I deserve more" I blinked back tears that snuck up on ive it all I would have worked through the darkness with you, Rule What I won’t do is watch you walk away fro happens that has the potential to hurt you I’m sorry I never talked to you about Reain eren’t a couple, you had the undeniable proof onit a secret, not h to ever have had a chance atthis work I think I wanted it too h"

I was surprised to seeThe only time I had ever seen Rule cry was at Re to lay it onbut retracted it before he ever made contact

"Shahat if I did love you?" His voice was just a hint above a whisper "Seeing you like this it makes me want todeep inside me hurt I’ve missed you these last feeeks but I was also furious with you, I just couldn’t get the two to ever line up"

I gave athered in h I’ve spentto live up to unreachable expectations, you were the only thing I ever wanted for ot you, you felt like you had to entirely change who you were in order to be with me, I refuse to put the saled with on someone else, even if I didn’t ask that of theether, Rule but other parts of us just don’t work All this," I wavedforether It’ll be fine and we’ll just go back to whatever it ere doing before" Ifroet over him, there just wasn’t another option

"You’ve always been in my life Shaw We should’ve been able toshoulder so that wasn’t an option Instead I swiped at my tears with the back of a hand and offered his that one one way and didn’t I knowshot anyway so we should just be grateful for e had"

"I feel like I’ everyone down and for once it’s bothering the hell out ofon up here" He tapped his te in earnest now and it was on the tip of ue to tell him that if he could just love me, just learn to let me love him the way he deserved, the way I desperately wanted to then it would all be fine but that wasn’t the case we needed to believe in each other, needed to trust that ere enough without trying to be other people in order to be together and that just wasn’t happening so I closed my eyes and for once was the one to shut his just aren’ttired can you send a nurse in on your way out I think the pain killers are starting to wear off"

"Shaw, I’m so sorry"

"Me too Rule, really I am too" Because I had spent a lifeti and pretend I was going to put it all behindto be the hardest thing I ever did We stared at each other for a long, sad minute then he turned on his boot and left When Ayden ca inconsolably and she had to crawl up on the bed to wrap her arer than I ever had before, I cried until there was nothing left inside me to cry out and when I was all done I let my best friend hold me as I fell apart The nurse Rule sent in came in with a pain killer but when she saw the state I was in she turned right back around and came back with a sedative

I spent one ot out I realized there was no way on this earth I was going back toorder or not Luckily Cora had an extra couple rooton Park area because both of her rooed to each other and had et their own place so Ayden dropped me off at her place and returned a couple hours later with all my essentials packed up for an extended stay She said the propertythe place cleaned up but even with that it still gave her the creeps to be there alone so it didn’t take more than a week for her to ask Cora if she could crash in the last rooreed to let us break the lease without paying a penalty because of what happened to irls did wonders for both et down and so I was feeling was te charges against Gabe

Things wereto use every trick he had to get Gabe off, but ically Alex Carsten had stepped in and now Gabe was on an ankle ravated assault but breaking and entering as well I didn’t for one second think that was a favor my mother called in, but Rule and I were back to radio silence so I never called to ask him or to thank him Of course the Davenport’s had the best defense lawyer in town on the payroll, but all signs pointed to a slam dunk forto talk to either of my parents In fact I hadn’t told either one of theedthe hospital The fact of theto say to either of thes I had said to Rule held true for theive me the love I showed them without restrictions or demands then I didn’t want the with the fact that she had to be accountable for the fact that she ultimately is the one that let Gabe corner me alone, but like I told Rule the only person I blanize that she should have never pushed him on me when I told her I was in love with soure out how to love and appreciate me for me then I wouldinto a new routine and we both adored Cora It was nice to be living in a house rather than an apartot a little easier to breathe around the hole in my chest where my heart had once been It had only been teeks but it felt like a lifespan we had been apart This ti it to make it was so much harder, maybe because I knew for real it was the end but there was no fake s and I was struggling hard I missed hi me in an entirely different way than when I had loved hi all talk of work and the guys at bay but every now and then she would let so about hilass in an open wound It should havemuch better than me but it didn’t We both deserved happiness, it just sucked that we couldn’t seeether

It was a couple days before Saint Patrick’s Day which not only fell on a weekend this year but also happened to be Rule’s birthday The girls had decided that instead of sitting around being sullen and grousing about things that we needed to go out and have fun I didn’t want to go, I o and not only because ain but because I didn’t think I could handle being in a crowd just yet I was pretty sure it was going to be an awful ti to have zero fun but because I loved theo and to e Cora knew about I relaxed and actually having a good time, strike that it was a fantastic ti up for school the nextful and I was tempted to skip but I had missed so much because of the attack that I couldn’t afford to