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Have you ever felt despair? Absolute hopelessness? Have you ever stood in the darkness and known, deep in your heart, in your spirit, that it was never, ever going to get better? That so back?

That&039;s what it felt like, walking out of the Varsity, walking out into the rain When I&039;m in turmoil, when I can&039;t think, when I&039;o for walks It&039;s just one of those things I do I walk and I walk and sooner or later so to

So I walked It was pretty stupid, in retrospect, walking around Chicago late on a Saturday night I didn&039;t look up very often I walked and let things roll around in my head, my hands in the pockets of ht rain gradually plastered ht about ood ician at a tiic, he had never had ive his fa run-down houses, trying to scratch out a living for my mother He wasn&039;t there when I was born

He wasn&039;t there when she died

He showed up ave icians, then tookchildren and retirees, perforenerous, kind - enerous than we could afford, really And he was always a little bit sad He would show ht It got to where I alot older, the feeling increased I saw entle man A little naive, but honest and kind Someone who cared for others, and who didn&039;t value ain over all else I can see why she would have loved hih to be his assistant, as he had proht An aneuris Maybe he&039;d been drea of Mother when he went And as I looked at him, I suddenly felt, for the very first tione that would never return, that a little hole had been hollowed out inside of ain

And that was how I felt, that rainy spring night in Chicago, walking along the streets,with every step, dead people occupying all of hts

I shouldn&039;t have been surprised, I suppose, when after hours of walking, my steps carried me back to Linda Randall&039;s aparthts all off, all the gawking neighbors cozy in their beds It was quiet in the apart the sky, but soe or in a rooftop nest, a bird ittering

I was at the end of , hadn&039;t coet a spell together to kill me the next time he had a storm to draw on, and from the way the air felt that could be anytian would certainly have the White Council set to executevotes, already If the matter came before the Council, I wouldn&039;t stand a chance

I leaned against the door to Linda&039;s apartment It was striped with POLICE LINE - DO NOT CROSS yellow-and-black tape I didn&039;t really realize what I was doing until I had already worked a spell that opened the door, unfastened the lowest strip of yellow tape, and walked into her apartuess I wasn&039;t in the mood to listen I walked around Linda&039;s apart her perfume and her blood They hadn&039;t coer would probably have to handle that, later They never really show you details like that at theon the floor, on the carpeting next to Linda Randall&039;s large bed I was curled on lass doors that led out to her little concrete patio I didn&039;t feel likeUseless It had all been useless I was going to die in the next two days

The worst part was that I wasn&039;t sure that I cared I was just so tired, exhausted fro, from the bruises and punches and lack of sleep It was dark Everything was dark

I think Ithat had happened I don&039;t reht in ainst the light, keeping s had never been my best tis across the street, cheerful springtih Linda Randall&039;s curtains, through , and rolled over, face to the cool darkness under Linda&039;s bed, back to the waro back to sleep Instead, I started to get disgusted with , Harry?" I de down to die," I told myself, petulantly

"Like hell," et to work"

"Don&039;t wanna Tired Go away"

"You&039;re not too tired to talk to yourself So you&039;re not too tired to bail your ass out of the alligators, either Open your eyes," I told myself, fir to obey, but against ht had turned Linda Randall&039;s apartment into an alold - eoodnearby, underneath the bed, several photographs serving as booker Linda Randall, shtly, none of the jaded weariness I had seen in her in evidence, standing in her graduation robes between a kind-looking couple in their late fifties Her parents, I presue of a stray little bea as the sun rose above the edge of the buildings, was a srey cap

My salvation

I snatched it out fro I shook the canister, and it rattled A roll of film was inside I opened up the canister and dumped the film into my hand The plastic leader had been retracted into the case - there were pictures on the film, but they hadn&039;t been developed yet I closed the filain and reached into the pocket of my duster and drew out another canister, the one I&039;d found at Victor Sells&039;s lake house The tere aoff dohole new track An entirely new realht be et out of this alive, to catch the killer, to salvage everything that had started going to hell

But it still wasn&039;t clear I couldn&039;t be sure as going on, but I had a possible link now, a link between the ation and Monica Sells&039;s aborted inquiry into the disappearance of her husband, Victor I had another lead to follow, but there wasn&039;t et on ood wizard down

I stood up, grabbedI needed was to get caught trespassing on a cri, and I&039;d be dead before I could get bail Myout the next step, trying to find this photographer who had been at Victor&039;s beach house, and getting these pictures developed and seeing if there was anything in them that orth Linda Randall&039;s death

It was then that I heard a sound, and stopped It ca

Someone turned the key in the dead bolt of the apart it open