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"Ms Bennett, is everything okay?" I see his eyes go to the holdall on ive these to Jake when he gets back, please?" I hold out the keys

His eyes flicker to them, then back to my face "Are you sure you don’t want to keep hold of the them anymore"

Reluctantly, he takes theates, when he says, "If you need driven soo" He thu by the door, watching our interaction

"No, it’s okay Thanks I’ve got a cab co" It’s at that moment the cab rolls up

"Bye, Jackson Bye, Parker" I give a siveslance, I clis beside me

"Where to?" the driver asks

"LAX, please"

JAKE…

CHAPTER ELEVEN

I’nant With my baby

But she’s on the pill How can she be pregnant?

Jesus fucking Christ She’s pregnant With my baby

I can’t be a dad I’et a s

I clench arette between

Lowering the , I blow the sht, and stare out at LA

The last ti to Tru on the hood ofto be a dad

Fuck

I knoithout a doubt that Tru ant the baby An abortion won’t be an option for her

Now I feel like the worst kind of bastard for even thinking it Thinking of getting rid of a part of myself and Tru

But what the fuck do I know about being a dad? Nothing I know absolutely nothing I didn’t exactly have the best teacher growing up I uy, but the dae was done by that point I ell beyond repair by the tione

He fucked me up And I can’t screw a kid up like he did ive , I rest my elbows on the wheel and put my head in my hands

"You’re a fuckin’ waste of space, Jake…Can’t you ever get anything right?…Take after your mother, you do, fuckin’ useless…I wish you’d never been born, I never wanted saddling with a kid--especially not a whiney little shit like you…You’ll never a for? If you don’t stop crying, boy, I’ll give you a fuckin’ reason to cry…"

I bang oddamn voice out ofwithme

I need to drown the dead motherfucker out

I turn the h to Linkin Park, and press Play on "Nuh every sense

I always listen to this song when I need to clearto focus on when I feel like everything is slipping away fro

I know thisto cal

I can feelto ebb

Nuht now I don’t want to think I don’t want to feel Because if I do, I’ll be turning this car around and heading in the wrong direction, straight to a dealer

Resting back inthe ash out the

I’ to be a dad

I don’t kno to be a dad I want to be…for Tru I want to be everything right for her But I don’t know if I can I’ll fuck it up I fuck everything up

The thought of screwing up so a kid terrifies me beyond words

I can’t be hi time

I would never raise my hand to a wo just snapped inside of ed me into the bastard he was? It doesn’t take just fists to hurt and break a kid Words do soe too

I know that all too well

And I’m like him in so many ways Too many ways What’s to say that I won’t e that was Paul Wethers once ht be successful professionally, but behind that façade, I’lue that holds ether, and look what I just did to her She is nant and I just walked away from her I left her all alone

What type ofcoward, that’s what

God, when she told nant, she sounded so scared I could hear it in her voice Almost like she knehat I’d do That I’d run away That I’d fuck up

Didn’t I do that so very fucking spectacularly?

It’s no excuse, but I panicked When she said she was pregnant, it was like a fuse went in ht For the whole ride home, I felt robotic

I couldn’t think or focus on anything

It was just…Drive the car, Jake

Get hoet any farther than that When she got out of the car, I knew she was angry and hurting, but I was frozen to et out of the car, to follow her, to talk to her, but I literally couldn’tI knew, the car was in reverse, and I was spinning it around, driving out of there

I was just so fucking terrified I’ my baby inside of her, and I left them both behind

I walked away

I aot exactly what he wanted He wanted me just as screwed up--no, more screwed up--than he was

Well, cheers, Dad You did a top-notch fucking job

Taking one last drag of arette butt out the

I’ll never be good enough for Tru or the baby But I want to be

I know the baby will be perfect and beautiful, because Tru is It’ll take after her, because it has to I don’t want an ounce of my fucked-up-ness in our baby

Our baby

We’re having a baby It’s growing inside of her right now A tiny baby, made from me and Tru It’ll be so s in its chest

It’ll need protecting, keeping safe for its whole life

And it’sto be a dad