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When I reach the gates, Henry, our on-site security, stops

"I’ot writer’s block," I say "Thought the drive would help clear my head"

No way in the world do I want security coood idea," he says with a sot my phone with me in case anyone needs me"

"Okay Enjoy your drive, Ms Bennett" Henry opens the gates, allowing me out

I’ve told him a million times to call me Tru He still calls me Ms Bennett every ti toward the exit of the gated costore, as they’re called over here), but one that’s not local Too many people knoe live around here

I start fiddling with the built-in satellite navigation, but unfortunately it doesn’t offer the feature "here’s your local chenancy tests at" I decide to drive until I spot one

I end up driving for forty-five minutes before I find a chemist that’s a decent distance from home

I’m in and out in a flash, thankfully unnoticed, thirty dollars lighter and three pregnancy tests heavier One to find out One to make sure Another to er seat, fire up the car, and tap the address in for holi on the seat beside me, it makes me want to throw up

Once I’ht for our en suite, clutching the bag to o off

That’s probably quite an apt description, because if I aantic kind

Locking the bathroom door behind me, I drop the toilet lid and sit down

I pull a test froe lump of fear, I stare down at it

My future with Jake depends on what this will tell me

Oh God

Fear seeps intoto be okay

With shaky fingers, I open the box Briefing over the instructions, I tear the protective seal on the test and, thanking God that I need to pee right now, I do as it says and pee on the stick

I put the cap back on the test and place it on the top of the toilet

I wash my hands, then come back and kneel on the floor just in front of the toilet

I pick up the instructions to read again

Okay, so this is sinant it will read: "Pregnant"

If I’ht?

Well, no, not if I’nant It’ll be so far from easy, there won’t be a word that exists to cover it

How can my whole future ride on what the outcome of a tiny piece of plastic tells me?

It feels like it should beso wonderfully and terribly life-altering as this should have a biggerfor a little piece of plastic to tellto tell Jake?

I just can’t even begin to think how to broach the subject with him

I squeeze my eyes shut Don’t think of that now When you know, then think of it

How long has it been? Two ht my phone in with ht be ready

I rise up on ht back down

I can’t do this

I dropscared I know I have to know, but I don’t want to know

No, co a few deep breaths, figuring it et to my feet

Okay, just open your eyes Deep breath One…two…three…

I flick nant

Fuck

CHAPTER TEN

I’hts, when I hear Jake’s voice "I thought you’d be getting ready for dinner"

Instantly tensing, I turn to see hi ly so It hten and hurt so badly I feel like I can’t breathe Like I’ll never be able to breathe right again

"Sorry, I lost track of ti out at LA?" He s like that" I get tonant with our baby, Jake

"I’

"You don’t look fine" His eyes searchup "Has sonant

"No, I’-children-in-Africa commercials, and it had me in tears by the end," I say

His head turns toward the blank screen of the television

"You should donate to those charities," I say, trying to distract his quickly working mind

"Already do"

How do I not already know this? So about Jake