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"No, I guess you weren’t" I sht "But I’m not exactly a pushover either I wouldn’t have said yes if it wasn’t exactly what I wanted I love you I’ve always loved you," I add, surprised by the tears that fill my eyes
"I love you too, baby" He takes ently on the lips
"So is that a yes?" he asks againstup in e proposals to tell the kids about one day"
I feel hiood way
Tiltingin his eyes that sets unease rolling around ood at all
"I don’t mean we’ll have kids now, of course," I hasten to add "Not for ages Like, a really, really long time" Three, four yearsto stare at ht, I can tell the colour has drained a little from his face
And now I feel inclined to ask the question, "You do want kids, don’t you?"
I do I couldn’t envision a life not having them
He clears his throat "I…us It’s an aard, jerky kind of shrug "I uess I just never saw kids as part of "
An investment? Since when did kids becoood It’s so far froood, it’s replaced whatever the word for that would be
"Oh," I say
What else can I say? A sudden chill settles over ht air I take a small step back from him
"Look, Tru" He lifts his eyes toup"
Jake’s dad was an abusive, poor excuse for a man, ent to prison for his treatment of Jake and hisa dad," he continues "And babies…Christ, they don’t exactly fit into my world, do they? IYou, and music"
I don’t know if it’s the look on e or the co him to the point of maximum stupidity that prompts him to say, "But, hey, if kids are what you want, then sure, we’ll have kids" He kisses ie Come on, let’s eat"
Stunned to silence, I let Jake leadthe words I want to say The ones that are stuck in ie, he said No biggie
He’s right, it’s not big It’s huge Fucking ginorht now inor somewhere toward oblivion
You don’t have a child with someone because it’s what the other person wants, because it will keep the children--is so you clearly do not want You have a child with soether
It’s most definitely what I want in the future Apparently, Jake…not so much
How did I not know this?
A hollow feeling takes up residence in my chest
Jake doesn’t want kids And I do
This puts us on very different pages
Fuck
How did I go froe proposal and blissful happiness to a possibly empty future in the space of a fewmouth
CHAPTER TWO
I wake in the dark to the feeling ofto be sick
Cla my hand over my mouth, I scramble out of bed and run for the bathroo up the toilet lid, I throw up
The next thing I know, Jake is beside ently soothes my back
When my stomach is empty, Jake reaches over and flushes the toilet while I restfrom ets a tie for my hair off the sink and puts my hair into a loose ponytail forwater and then feel a cool flannel against the back of my neck
"You’re sick?"
"I woke up feeling like I was going to throw up And then I did, obviously…" I trail off
Jake puts his hand tohere feels hot," I et you back to bed" Jake scoops me into his arms and carries me to the bedroom
He lays me down on the bed My sweaty skin instantly sticks to the sheets
I feel so unco around the bedroolass of water "Try so lass from Jake and take slow sips
I’ve only just put the glass down on the bedside cabinet when the wave of nausea hits again