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Chapter Sixteen
Sawyer
I’d royally screwed up Old habits die hard and my need to help Ash and protect her was a very old habit Last night when Beau had left et the pain meds, I’d taken one look at her pale face and panicked I’d needed to be the one to ease her pain It just flipped a switch in me
When Beau had returned and she’d curled up in his arms as he rocked her and soothed her, the reality of the situation washed overto ain She was Beau’s
Opening the tent and seeing Lana curled up as far away froet told ht until it was too late Only twenty-four hours before I’d been touching and kissing her body in places that had given us both our first real experience with pleasure I’d been so teainst me as she slept but I knew my touch wouldn’t be welcome I’d been abrupt and rude to her when she’d inquired about Ashton Looking back, I knew I’d not wanted her to see o away so she wouldn’t see ht out in me This was my secret moment with Ash My step back in ti there had caused things inthere wide-eyed and hurt itIt screith one fronored me ever since I didn’t knohat to say to her How did I explain last night? How did Ishe had been leading the group like a wo away I didn’t catch up to her She’d refused to make eye contact with me over breakfast and I was too e me
"Why couldn’t I have stayed back at the campsite with Ash and Beau?" Heidi whined behind raine last night and Beau is taking care of her Trust me, they want privacy At least, I know Beau does," Jake chuckled
"She’s sick, Jake She isn’t going to screw Beau on the hard ground in a tent," Heidi hissed
"Who said she was gonna be the one on the ground?" Jake replied
Listening to talk about Beau and Ash’s sex life wasn’t so I was in the mood for I quickened my pace until I was only steps behind Lana The little shorts she earing cupped her ass tightly as she took each long stride
I’d had ht I was having ain The idea bothered o August wasn’t here yet I wasn’t ready to walk away froain?" I asked She paused before continuing her uphill trek
"Sure What do you want to talk about?" she replied in a bored voice
"Lana, please slon and talk to , she picked up her speed If she kept this up, she was going to have to break into a run
"Nothing to talk about Sawyer I’d rather just walk"
Reaching out I grabbed her hand and stopped her She tried snatching it back and I held fir those bright green eyes to meet mine The hurt in them made my knees weak Ah, damn What the hell had I done?
"Please, Lana, please talk tothe distance between us
"Keep walking folks Nothing to see Let Sawyer attempt to clean up the mess he’s made," Jake announced as the others walked past us
Once they’d gotten far enough ahead, I let Lana pull her hand free ofher arht" I began trying to think of how I could explain this to her withoutit worse
"I’ll help you since you seeot sick and you had an excuse to hold her and take care of her You went into protect-and-co or no one else ht there for her without question You wouldn’t letthe chance to hold her"
"That’s not it Being tuned into helping Ashton is a habit I’ve been doing it for most of my life That kind of habit is hard to break"
Lana let out a hard laugh, "Really? Well, isn’t that a cute little tidy way to wrap up everything I just said" Lana took a step toward er atsecond choice or third choice I’ve got enough of that in ht, I needed someone too I needed someone to listen to me Too bad no one wants to be Lana’s shoulder to cry on No one cares that Lana needs solistened with unshed tears and ht I felt like it was about to crack open
"This is over Leave it alone I’an to walk away Acting quickly, I reached out and wrapped ht? Why did you need ainst my chest and held her whether she wanted o, Sawyer," her voice broke
"No Now tell me what you meant by all that"
Another sob broke free and she shook her head angrily "NO You don’t get to demand answers I don’t tell people ht, I wanted to tell you," she let out a short sad laugh "I thought I ht have someone anted to listen So"
"No, you weren’t I do care I want you to talk to ainst the hold I had on her
"I rong last night Lana I’ive ain," I paused, unsure if I was ready to bare ain Because I’ to make people care about et those that I love to love me back No one else has to try so damn hard No one Just me Just Lana McDaniel I’ve had it If I aed alone this far I’ pro!"
If it was possible for someone else’s pain to break your heart then Lana’s pain had just shattered htened my hold on her I’d wanted inside her head She was so closed off and I’d wondered why Now I knew She didn’t trust anyone enough to let theht She’d decided she could let me in, and what had I done? I’d thrown her trust in her face God, I was the world’s biggest idiot
"I’ a kiss to her teive me? Can you trust ht will never happen again It was the first ti like that since the break-up When Beau came back and Ashton scrambled into his lap and arms with desperation to be near hiht it would It just slapped some sense into me She didn’t need me anymore She wasn’t ht was a closure I needed" I stopped and grabbed Lana’s shoulders and turned her around to face me Her red swollen eyes just about senthow to have a relationship with someone other than Ashton I made a horrible mistake It was like a relapse But you," I reached up and tucked the tear dampened hair that had worked its way loose behind her ear "You touch a place inside of s with you I never felt for her I loved her for a very long time I can’t help the fact I still want to be there if she needs me Next time there is a choice to make it will be you I choose first I can promise you that"