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"I’ll make sure she does," Booke pro it sound like I couldn’t care for myself, but I knew he meant well, so I kept quiet At the front desk, I paid for the office visit, then alked out to the Pinto

"Do youto Wonder Lanes?"

"I intended to insist, if you didn’t mention it"

"You’re a sneaky alpha male, you know that?"

"It often works to ans and wo"

"That was pretty aht?" I touched ray eyes warot to be there" He paused as we got into the car, and he didn’t speak until ere al like that when Marlena was pregnant I never heard my son’s heartbeat like thatand after he was born, I saw him very little I don’t think he ever knew--"

Oh, man

"I’ to another life," he said quietly "It’s the only way toStoke, I’m a new man I have to be I won’t make the same mistakes"

"No question of that From what you toldback then,

"I still have those tendencies, but I’ my best to quell them"

Booke waited in the car while I ran into the drugstore As mine wasn’t a coet what I needed Then I hurried back out There wasn’t nearly enough ti With the baby to think about and Chance, whoain, I felt like I was drowning; each breath was a gasp, pulled into tight, burning lungs

As if he shared my dark mood, Booke fell silent as we drove back to Wonder Lanes This afternoon, it was packed--juh-fived each other over pitchers of beer The high population made it easier to slip into the maintenance closet and then venture downstairs I supposed if the foot traffic were higher, people ht eventually notice, but there had never been more than four other patrons downstairs, no ifted didn’t often need to do extensive research in San Antonio, it seeed on By the end of it, my eyes hurt, my back hurt, I was cranky, and I wanted a nap Plus, I had a sick suspicion that I’d waited too long Spent too much time on Booke and Kel--and that there was no way to find out what I needed to know before the deadline Panic clutched athands, until I had to put my head on the table to meter my breaths

Booke’s hand rested on the back of my head "Calm down Nobody said this search would be easy We have a little tionna fail And then he’ll lose all desire to be huain--"

"Shh, sweetheart, don’t cry"

Sonancy hor down I’d been in soe to bawl about it But lately, I couldn’t see a coet ahold of her -distance plan, and I nearly burst into tears

Gods, I don’t think I can stand ninethis emotional

Then I wanted to cry because that sounded like I didn’t want the baby--and that wasn’t true In a long history of untenable situations and being an emotional mess, I had never been this mercurial or unstable The inside of hts and irrational fears

"S for control

"In my day, it wasn’t remotely appropriate to manhandle expectant ladies"

"Yeah, they frown on it today too" I paused "Do you seriously think--"

"I don’t know But it’s certain he’ll never return if you give up But that’s your call to ht now"

An exhausted sigh pushed out of ht up until the wire If I fail, it won’t be because I stopped trying"

"We’ll start back in theThere are still twenty ht actually be relevant Perhaps one full ill mark lucky seven indeed"

I could only hope

That night, I didn’t sleep much I tossed and turned, and when I did finally drift off es of failure First, it was Chance, stranded in his father’s real all about his hu eyes every time some other kid mentioned his dad Fro odd and disjointed, and incorporated events from Sheol that still haunted ht was blood, andbreaths, I got up and padded barefoot to the bathroom The fixtures were dull and water-stained, and the whole place needed to be regrouted, but for five hundred bucks a month, it was the best I could hope for I tried not to wake Booke, but he was used to being alone so my footfalls roused him as I crept back toward the bedroom

"Bad dreams?" he asked