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"She shouldn’t," he says softly "This wasn’t aofficer And even if you werewell, all leaders know that conflict comes with a certain level of acceptable loss You said it yourself"

Yeah, but I didn’tI said to keep the others fro Mary, I hate when ht I’d have March out of this iven this your best Nobody expects you to do the impossiblesave the day every time Hell, you’ve already accomplished more here than anybody ever has And you’ve already sacrificed so ive your life, too?"

Mary, his wordswhatfor days; the selfish part of et a break? When do I get a rest? The only person who ever gavein return lives in a tenement on Gehenna

"Please, don’t"

I hate hi over the past few days of banging h I can’t see the top of it I don’t know if I’h to withstand the temptation to ease back intofor herself; she’s tired of sorrow and sacrifice She says it’s been a da time since we lived for the thrill of it

He leans towardmy hands in his "No, I have to speakthe short time I’ve been with you, people sees you don’t want, over and over again I’ve been there I kno it is when people use you They offer you a Hobson’s choice that’s no choice at all It’s time to walk away, Jax"

CHAPTER 44

Is he right? Maybe I’m just too stubborn to knohen I’ood I’ve done here for selfish reasons I waver, thinking of how easy it’d be

Butno I can’t leave hi March on Hon’s Kingdo His injury ht he’d slow me down and lessen my chance of survival Back then, that was all that mattered to me

Kai’s loss haunts me And it haunts me that I couldn’t save Loras I can still see his face as the door closed on hi side I’ll carry that until I die; I just don’t have the fortitude to bear any ht on my soul

"No" I say it aloud for emphasis "I’m in this until the end, and if you don’t like it, take one of the shuttles up, turn on the eency beacon, and hope for the best"

"Fine Your funeral" His hand goes to the knife in his side, covering where I’ pressure on the wound "I’d say it’s mine, too, but I’ve always found it difficult to die" Beneath the levity of his tone, I glimpse the stark solitude of a man who has always been alone and alill be

Vel arrives before I can reply He takes stock of the situation with a glance, then he checks out Jael’s injury "Did you notify Dr Solaith?"

"He’s on the way," I confirh he has to come from the ship, Doc turns up before the security teaency-response systeive better service to citizens They could hardly do worse

Saul takes a look and regards him incredulously "How aren’t you dead? Never et you taken care of"

The Doc I know and love doesn’t insist on answers before helping so on Jael, the Bug squadron finally deigns to put in an appearance

There’s no question this corpse shouldn’t be onis shredded where the knife went in, so that validates my claim of a murder attempt At least we’re spared a situation where they try to ht to be Still, I can’t help but notice that the security personnel don’t care much

None of them ask any questions They just reround The tea all possible leads We apologize for the inconvenience"

Inconvenience? It’s all I can do not to go upside his head with another decorative pot Vel restrains e says a confrontation would be pointless I agree, but I’ht Every spark of jumper in reat effort, and, instead, offer an insincere wa of thanks

Afterward, I take a look at how the patient is faring While I look on, Doc finishes closing the top of the wound "Ordinarily, I would never do it this way," he says with a disapproving frown "There’s too e just to seal it up and hope for the best, but Jael says he’ll be fine"

"He will be," I agree

Maybe it’s callous, but I’m not that worried about him After all, I’ve seen him heal worse On Emry, I didn’t have any niceties like liquid skin, antibiotic preventives, or a sonic cleanser either

"I didn’t want the blood all over the floor," Jael says in a self-deprecating tone "Gut wounds bleed like a son of a bitch It was better to have a professional at hand"

"Try to limit your movement," Doc says "And take it easy for the next couple of days"

Jael mutters, "Unlikely Jax is deterer"

"Such attacks will escalate," Vel predicts "Until you are dead orgone"