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Chapter Fifteen

ONE OF THE younger guards was bent over the tub I couldn&039;t remember his name in that moment He looked up and seemed startled, as if he hadn&039;t expected us "Remus told me to fill the tub" He sounded a little breathy I rehteen, and I&039;d declared hie alone that had o elsewhere He&039;d had proble his second chance to see if he could be cool around the sex

"We&039;ll take it from here," Richard said

"Remus was really clear that I ahed "Cisco, just go"

He took his hand out of the water, shaking droplets off it "Okay" His eyes were too wide, his face too bothered by us He was a wererat; no lycanthrope should have this much problem around nudity But it wasn&039;t the nudity, I didn&039;t think, but the fact that ere going to have sex That bothered him I&039;d declared that I was a twenty-one-or-older zone Cisco&039;s face made ot a flash of the gun at his hip as he moved past us Ree of any guard But high scores weren&039;t the only thing you needed to be a bodyguard

The bathrooand he could have done it all night Soer theit see without you getting mad?" Richard asked

I tensed, I couldn&039;t help it "I don&039;t know"

He sighed, but he said it "Cisco seeree"

He lance down at ree?"

"Yeah, he&039;s been weird around me since" I didn&039;t say it out loud, because I didn&039;t want to upset Richard either But Cisco had been in the room when I&039;d had sex with London, one of our British vain ways that weren&039;t just about how old he was "Since he saw some stuff," I finished, and hoped Richard would let it be

He did He carriedinto the huge tub Jean-Claude had explained to me that the swan spout that filled it was hooked up to a syste at home, and apparently ht the house with the tub and syste special about it High-tech tubs, who knew? Richard hugged th "I want to check the water, but I&039; you"

"Me, too," I said

He rested his face against my hair "Really?"

"Yes," I said, and I would have whispered it, except the water was loud enough that true whispering wasn&039;t possible

He stepped into the water with h to see his face "Shouldn&039;t you check the temperature first?"

The look on his face er, aether the only thing I&039;d seen in his face had been lust We&039;d both shut down our emotions, kept ourselves safe It had had that feel of sex at the end of a relationship, when sex is all you have left, and it isn&039;t enough

"The temperature&039;s fine," he said, his voice soft He knelt down, still holding e down into the water, and just above his waist the water hit me It arm, almost hot The water slid overHe was right, the teainst my hair, "How much do you hurt?"

"I ache all over"

"We&039;ll get cleaned up first, then let your body soak in the water Hot water helps" He kissed my forehead, then lowered us both down into the water, so that he was alo of me with one arm, so he could half-swis trailed out into the water, but the rest of ainst the side of the tub The water came to his upper chest, which meant it was almost chin deep to me He kept me pinned to the front of his body, and I was okay with that Touching was good

"Enough water?" He made it a question

"Yes," I said

He reached back and turned off the water, then settled doith ht difference was enough that to keep ainst anything but his chest and sto It was probably just as well; if too oing to let soot distracted He kissed the side of my face, and I settled into his ar, or should have been, but there was a kernel of ?

"What&039;s wrong?" Richard asked

"Nothing"

"You&039;re tense"

I sighed "I don&039;t know"

His hand slid down the side ofsex, you get tense e&039;re alone"

"I don&039;t mean to," I said

He wrapped his arms around me and forced my body lower as he rose, so that certain parts of his anatoot, but even partially erect he was a special treat The feel of him pressed to the back of ainst hiainstthat I affected hiht a ser God, I do love that about you" He whispered it against my face

"I wanted to make love to you months before you&039;d say yes"

"I was afraid" He nuzzledto fade under the first wave of endorphins, those happy little chemicals "Afraid of what?" I whispered

He bit harder, and my spine boith it "You"

"Why?"

He cupped his mouth around the side of my throat and bit down I cried out for hih, enough"

He eased back and turned ainst the front of his body, and he was hard and eager now The feel of hiainst the front of my body made me cry out

He cupped ainst the front of hiet away, but that wasn&039;t what I was thinking It was just aler, so big, trapped between our bodies It was almost too , "God, Anita, God, I love the way you react to me I do love it!"

I wrapped ainst the most intihter against hiainst the side of the tub and le hi I didn&039;t protest, until the tip of him started inside and my body let me know that the combination of water - which is not a lubricant - lack of foreplay, and his sizeto work

I half-patted, half-slapped his chest "Too big, you&039;re too big"

"The water," he said, breathy He leaned his hands on the sides of the tub, face down, the head of him still inside me "If you release the ardeur, we can do it"

"But I&039;ll be sore afterward, and so will you"

He ht, made me catch my breath "Not too sore," he said

"Yes," I said, "trustfunny toh to frown at me "We&039;ve never done it before like this - how can you be so sure?"

Shit I stared up at him with his body halfway inside mine and didn&039;t knohat to say The truth was Micah and I had done it, but that seemed impolitic, to say the least, in thisthat wouldn&039;t

He said, "Just say it, Anita, just say it"

"I want to ht"

He pulled back enough so he wasn&039;t inside me anymore He stayed with his ar me The look on his face was cautious now, al himself for bad news It wasn&039;t the look I wanted on his face right now

"Say it, Anita" His voice sounded tired

"I tried it with someone else"

"Why did it hurt?"

"Don&039;t make me say this, Richard, please"

"Say it," and his voice was harsher now

I sighed "Fine, because he was too big for it not to hurt"

"Who?"

"Don&039;t do this, Richard"

"Who?" This tiry eyes "Who do you think?"

"I don&039;t know; you&039;ve added at least two men to your list, and I&039;ve never seen either of them erect"

I ducked under his arm and half-swam to the other side of the tub "Tell me what you want me to say, Richard"

"Is it your t va to kno you measure up to Requie to know?"

He nodded "Yeah, I guess I do"

I crossed , since they floated "I cannot believe you&039;re asking this"

"It&039;s an easy question, Anita"

"Do you actually want to know if you&039;re bigger than they are?"

"I&039;ht, so yeah, I want to knoant to know that I&039;m still the best-endowed man in your bed"

"You know, I don&039;t actually get out a ruler and "

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph" I covered my face with my hands "No, no, they aren&039;t as well endowed as you are Happy?" I lowered my hands and found that it wasn&039;t a happy look on his face

"Then who is?"

I&039;d ed for months not to have this discussion, this specifically, with anyone Of course, it would be Richard who pushed it "Micah, okay? Micah"

"Is that why you love him?"

"Jesus, no, Richard, you should know better than h to winwith hi to have sex We were going to have therapy Sweet Mary, Mother of God, I did not want to do this "Don&039;t do this, not now, not today"

"I need to understand rong before I can move on, Anita I&039;m sorry, but I do"

I shook my head and tried to settle into the water, but it wasn&039;t soothing any with Nathaniel, too You always seeet him, or discount him"

"He&039;s not dominant, Anita In the world of wereanimals that makes him discountable"

"But in the world of my affections, Richard, he is not discountable"

"I don&039;t understand"

"I know you don&039;t, and I&039;m sorry you don&039;t, but it&039;s still the truth I&039; with Micah and Nathaniel, not just Micah The fact that Nathaniel isn&039;t a dominant doesn&039;t make me love him less"

"How can you sit there, like this, and tell me you love someone else? Don&039;t you kno much that hurts me?"

"You wanted this talk, not me I wanted to ether, but you had to get all hung up on the size of everyone&039;s equip to worry about that, but this wasn&039;t the tiht, it was stupid, but I&039;s, that I know are bad for the relationship"

"I don&039;t s that spoil stuff Your choice, not ht I choose to say and do this shit I could have let it go and we&039;d be having sex right now, and it would be great sex But I really do want to knohat Micah has that I don&039;t What ic does he have that made you move him into your house, live with him, when you wouldn&039;t do it for ht The fight I did not want to do this, ever, but I especially didn&039;t want to do this with the Harlequin in town, and heaven knehat nasty surprises headed our way "Jean-Claude explained to you that it was partly vaether"

"You&039;re a succubus, a vampire that feeds on sex; yeah, he toldon his face "You don&039;t believe him"

"I don&039;t believe it&039;s perh space between yourself and Jean-Claude&039;s power, it would go away"

"Richard, this isn&039;t Jean-Claude&039;s power anymore; it&039;sover that lovely chest "You aren&039;t a vampire, Anita You can&039;t have vampire powers They&039;re still part of the triumvirate we have with Jean-Claude"

"Richard, this is real You can&039;t wish it away"

"What, that you&039;re some kind of sex-crazed demon? I don&039;t believe that It&039;s more of Jean-Claude&039;s power, or Belle Morte&039;s, or even Mar through your mind, you don&039;t knohat is you and what is them any, but "Richard, I have forged a triumvirate of poith Nathaniel and Damian That&039;s me, not Jean-Claude That&039;s real"

He shook his head again "There&039;s got to be a way to undo it"

I just stared at hi "Richard, I am a succubus, me, not Jean-Claude, not Belle Morte, not Mommie Dark, me"

"Humans can&039;t be succubi"

"Maybe not, but then humans can&039;t have a vampire servant or an animal to call, and I have both of those"

"Because you&039;re Jean-Claude&039;s human servant"

"Richard, you sahat happened when I tried to undo that connection I would have died and taken Nathaniel and Daiving ry eyes "Jean-Claude told me the theory That your version of the ardeur helps you see the deepest desire in sorant it, and make them into what you most need Micah needed his people safe; you killed Chimera for him You needed what from Micah?"

"A helpmate, a partner, someone to help me run the furry coalition, and help me run the wereleopards that I&039;d inherited when I killed their old master"

"I could have been your partner," he said

"You didn&039;t want to be my partner You want your own life, not to be just an adjunct to ive up my job for you?"

"That I needed someone to do the coalition full time, and you have your career"

"That can&039;t be all Micah is to you"

"He&039;s there for me, Richard He&039;s there for ht me all the time He says yes more than he says no"

"And I just say no"

"So to soet that But what did he do for you?"

"I needed a wife," I said

"What?"

"I needed a 1950s wife to make my life run sood at it"

"And I want you to belike that, yeah"

"Why didn&039;t your ardeur look into my heart and see what I most needed, and ht Jean-Claude explained all this to you"

"I asked him why not me, and he said the poas unpredictable But that wasn&039;t the truth, was it?"

"Not all of it," I said, and curseda chickenshit

"Tell me all of it," Richard said

"Micah knehat he wanted: his people safe at any cost He said fro, be anything, to be in my life The ardeur made that happen for him Nathaniel wanted a home and to be loved for himself, not just for sex, and the ardeur made that happen Both of those desires are very clear Do you knohat you want le heart&039;s desire?"

"I want you"

I shook my head "That&039;s not your deepest darkest wish, Richard"

"I should knohat enie appeared before you right noould you wish? Really, truly, if you could have anything, ould it be?"

"You"

"Liar," I said

He sat up, and that otherworldly energy swirled through the room "How dare you?"

"Richard, be honest with yourself What would you have if you could have anything, no matter how iy level in the room seeped away He stared at me "I don&039;t want to be a olf"

"That&039;s your deepest wish, Richard, and the ardeur can&039;t give you that I can&039;t be that for you, so the ardeur doesn&039;t work between you andto do with sex and love"

He stared at me and sat back in the water, almost like he was faint "Oh, ht at first you were just too conflicted for the ardeur to pick and choose, but I was the one who figured it out"

"You&039;re right," he said A look of soft horror covered his face He looked at me, and such pain filled his eyes "I did this to ed

"I was so afraid I&039;d becoainst lycanthropy That&039;s how I caught it"

"I know," I said softly

"And I lost you because I hate what I am more than I want you"

"You haven&039;t lost ht to keepthat look "You&039;ll never be just ether"

"We can be part of each other&039;s lives, Richard"

"Not in the way I want"

"Maybe not, but, Richard, don&039;t throhat we have Was it so bad last night, sleeping with all of us? Was that so awful?"

"No," he said, "and if I hadn&039;t been in bed with you, then Mar awful to you You need me to protect you"

"Sometimes, yes"

"But I can&039;t live with two other ht I just can&039;t"

My eyes felt hot, ed to say, "I know"

"Then where do I fit in your life?"

"Where do I fit in yours?" I asked

He nodded "That&039;s fair" But that was all he said

I sat onlost and horrible Only Richard could ed to cut me this deep Da He wasn&039;t feeling well, whichworse Damian hadn&039;t woken for the day yet, and I needed to feed the ardeur before he tried to wake Jean-Claude had explained to y to ain He would siot to feed, Richard, now Nathaniel is starting to feel bad, and I won&039;t risk killing Damian"

Richard nodded I expected hiet someone else for h foreplay so you can feed froood foreplay"

"Are you saying you don&039;t want to be witha world of e comment and the stick would break and the world would fall Shit

"I&039;thy foreplay I need to feed, right away I&039; not to cry; that&039;s not conducive to sex Not for me, at least"

"I&039;m sorry, Anita"

"Don&039;t be sorry, Richard Fix it Fix yourself, fix us, or don&039;t fix us But whatever you&039;re going to do, we need to do it noon&039;t risk lives because we&039;re having another fight"

He nodded his head as if that were fair Maybe it was He started h the water

"What are you doing?" I asked, and sounded suspicious

"I want you to feed off me, Anita"

"I&039;m pissed and hurt, and that doesn&039;t lead to sex for me"

"If I leave you&039;ll still be pissed and hurt You&039;ll still have trouble concentrating on the sex, won&039;t you?"

I couldn&039;t argue his logic I almost said, But the others are ser isn&039;t better But I didn&039;t say it out loud I didn&039;t want to hurt him that badly I also knew that if Richard and I couldn&039;t co, one day we&039;d be finished as a couple He&039;d always be Jean-Claude&039;s wolf to call He&039;d always be bound to us in a triumvirate of power, but we&039;d be broken up It would be like being trapped in a relationship with soet rid of A little slice of hell, that

He was kneeling in front of es of his hair et, but the top was still dry, and still held sootten on us when I ripped Travis into his anih to take away fro was The picking at it all, and his deep unhappiness with being a olf, that was unattractive I gazed up at hi face, so handsoh that I&039;d have been eh school But handso him hurt me like this I stared up at him, and for the first time my heart did not leap up, and neither didI was tired of his inability to accept our reality He didn&039;t believe I was a succubus He thought it was soot me away frooing away from Jean-Claude, not for either of us? His comments said no, he didn&039;t understand that, and that made me sad

He stood up He stood up ater dripping down his body I was suddenly staring at a certain part of his anato it We all have our weaknesses, and one of h to know that He was betting that seeing hi ry sadness, or do what I wanted to do Do what the suddenly rapid pulse in ainst a wall I went to ainst the warhs, and lowered my mouth to his body

Chapter Sixteen

I LICKED THE water off hiue I drank water fro water froe I licked and drank the water until his body lengthened and hardened I couldn&039;t reach the tip of hiall that hardness toward azed up his body, the eyes that looked back had changed to wolf a control, but all lycanthropes could never completely lose control - because to lose control for thee shape At least once a year so sex Sometimes the lover survived, soot to be furry, too

I drove my mouth over him until my lips met my own hand I used the hand to squeeze and pulse around hi to try to take all of him in my mouth I could deep-throat, but it wasn&039;t always the most comfortable position, not with someone Richard&039;s size I could raise the ardeur and do it, do it all, but