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Nathaniel called my name, but I couldn&039;t answer I was afraid to answer Afraid if I took even a ain Nathaniel dropped to his knees with his arms still around my waist The sudden movement startled me, stopped the screams like a switch had been thrown That other mind spilled into the silence But it wasn&039;t cold anyhtened Leopards are solitary There are only three reasons toHe was either so that would fuck us, or so that would eat us There were no other choices in the fear that roared through ht response was, but I&039;d been wrong Thispale by comparison The need to strike out, or run away, thrilled all the way down to the tips of ers and toes It was a rush of adrenaline like I&039;d never known My entire body was thick with it, stronger, faster, because I was about to fight to the death

I fought that panic, fought not to struggle, not to fight Nathaniel I could get away I knew it, and that other et away We could be safe But that small part that was still human knew that Nathaniel wouldn&039;t hurt us We had to let him pin us, had to, because I knew I could escape What I didn&039;t knohat would happen if I got away What would happen if Nathaniel couldn&039;t pin ain? I didn&039;t want to find out, because it would be so I wouldn&039;t want to live with afterward

I struggled to be still To let Nathaniel take me down, to be limp in his arms as he pressed h me as my body touched the carpet It shrieked that ould die, and it believed that It had no friends here I&039;d always thought that at least part of my beast was Richard&039;s wolf, but in that ht er social order of the pack There was only prey, rivals,No part of me saw Nathaniel as a child

I let him pinflat on the ground, and it began to ride up His body ht that screaood a hold onin how to pin sos apart with his hips, so I couldn&039;t just go to my knees and lift hih that there was nothing between him and me but the silk of my panties and his pants It was a horribly vulnerable position Even the part of me that was still me, didn&039;t like it Because once you&039;re pinned under someone like that, your options vanish I like options Options keep you safe

Nathaniel won&039;t hurtthat over and over and over, as he settled his body tighter against mine The part that was beast knew he could break our spines from this position The part that was me felt like it was a prelim to rape I knew that Nathaniel wouldn&039;t do that, and I also knew that truthfully if you&039;re intent on rape you want soet here Because once you&039;ve pinned someone like this, your hands are busy, and ically, I was safe, but logic isn&039;t alins when you&039;re scared The beast was scared because it couldn&039;t trust another leopard I was scared of ould happen if the least doh to keep h that thin office door and slaughtering everyone outside I trusted Nathaniel not to hurt me I did not trust him to control me and keep everybody else safe I especially didn&039;t trust hiedto set my teeth in his throat and draw blood? I didn&039;t trust hih person, just enough And that doubt fed my fear, fed all the fears, and I lost Lost ht I had before panic set in was, I have to get up off the floor I had to get up I forgot everything I&039;d ever known about how to use ht Panic was all I felt, and panic does not plan It reacts

I went fro, writhing, throwing led withI had into siet up

Nathaniel&039;s body rocked with ht to keep s apart so I couldn&039;t just get toabovethe one on top

I threw round He shoved us back down, and I had aas he forced us back to the floor If he&039;d been willing to let go of one wrist, and used his other ar else, but he kept et up, but he couldn&039;t control , I don&039;t kno long he&039;d been repeating it, before I understood it "Don&039;t make me hurt you, Anita, please, please, please!" He almost screamed the last word

The panic in his voice told the leopard that inning Make hio It spurred the cat, and we threw ourselves to the left again If his back hadn&039;t hit the desk we&039;d have rolled him I screamed, but it wasn&039;t fear this ti with his back propped against the desk His legs encircled my waist I scratched at them, and part of me didn&039;t understand why the cloth did not part in bloody strips One arm went across my chest, and only later would I realize that he&039;d covered un butt with his hand His other hand balled into h that it tore a scream from my throat I had a moment to feel his breath like heat on the back of my neck The leopard screamed that he would snap our neck, the other part of me was just confused Nathaniel bit me

He sank his teeth into my skin, into hting It was as if he&039;d hit a switch I didn&039;t know I had At first I si My hands fell limp to my sides My body relaxed, and what should have been pain, felt warroith his ainst rowl turned to a purr, a deep vibrating sound, and because hisrhyth fork for his voice

I cried out, but it wasn&039;t fear or trius around ainst his body He uncurled his legs, slowly, body tense, as he waited forfor him to master me, it was the only word I had for it It was the , so peaceful, so safe

He kept his teeth around my neck, his hand in my hair, but the other hand, he took sloay I sank into hi the front of his, held in place only by teeth and hair My skirt had bunched like a belt at ainst his Nathaniel slid his arher, I think by accident He drew us both to our knees with his arm around my waist He moved his ar a little, because every muscle was loose and cal and not siround, but his hand in ht, made me want to stay on my knees But that little bit of effort on my part started to help me climb back into my own head, a little, not a lot, but a little h to both worry and enjoy his bite on o, would I revert back to that cold mind? Enjoy, because part of rip, that pull of teeth in flesh

I kneas feeling better, because faintly, I could hear what Nathaniel was feeling Not a sound, but I had no word for sensing another person&039;s feelings He was scared, excited, frustrated, confused, unsure, scared, unhappy, worried I felt each e to see, and when you brush at it, it breaks apart and bloay, as if it wasn&039;t there at all Animals didn&039;t have this many emotions all at once Confused and scared, yes, but not the rest The rest was still too much for my beast

Nathaniel&039;s free hand fumbled at the waistband of my panties My skirt was already pushed up around my waist on its oithout any help from him He pulledone-handed, they ca but sht o weak at the knees He usedit clear that if I went down on the floor it would hurt It helped me stay on my knees Helped me concentrate, and that helped me slide a little more inside my own skull

I wanted to say his name It seemed like that would help But I couldn&039;t think of his name Couldn&039;t say it out loud It was as if name were an alien concept Smell, his smell, that I knew I tried to say it, and it took me three tries before I whispered, "vanilla"

He&039;d wrestled my panties down almost to my knees But at that one word, he stopped He kept his hand on h so that his breath caressed like heat on the wound he&039;d made "Anita, can you hear me? Are you in there?"

Was I in there? It seemed like too hard a question forto answer, because the next thing I felt was his belt sainst ainst hihts weren&039;t this clear, but it aht, he&039;d earned the right to ht before they h That old biology imperative to only breed with the best, with the enes they need to survive

The leopard didn&039;t mind She was ready I, on the other hand, had a problem Of course, I couldn&039;t remember what it was Couldn&039;t think Because the huht to be here He&039;d saved us Saved all the nice people outside the office door Office, that was it I didn&039;t want to fuck at work That was it I moved away from Nathaniel&039;s body I pulled away fro that it was the hu to pull away The beast smelled that rush of fear, and let out a sound in my throat that I&039;d never heard come out of me It wasn&039;t a human sound

He pulled on asp froely, ave an echo of that wonderful peacefulness that had happened when he bit the back of ainst le&039;s wrong" Then he used my hair like a handle and his other hand to put me on all fours on the floor

The leopard crouched down in front of hi him my ass like ere in heat He pulled led on the boots&039; heels, then they were gone Maybe the beast was in heat, but I wasn&039;t Maybe it was losing my underwear, but the ass-in-air position was a little too undignified for h to be on all fours, so I didn&039;t look like I was offering , and he pushed hiot that I could talk

The beast had been willing, but there had been alht Nathaniel had to work himself inside me He used his hand and my hair to spill me back to the carpet so that I was back where I started It was just as undignified, but I didn&039;t seereement

I&039;d slept with Nathaniel, but I&039;d put very firs, not on purpose To go fro deprivedhis way inside ood, though it did, it was that it was Nathaniel Part ofto cross this barrier, to shove it aside, to bend it, break it, ignore it

He worked until he was sheathed inside , frozen against me "Anita, can you hear h my head, and that screaained, because the beast wasn&039;t conflicted, not in the least It, she, began to work our hips, so that Nathaniel stayed still, but we drew him out of our body, out and out, and then when the tip of him seemed about to spill out, we drove ourselves upon him

His voice caainst hi as hard and fast and deep as we could It was as if nothing would be enough I wasn&039;t open enough to be this rough I felt hiiven roider But I felt frantic There was no thought about waiting, just the need I wanted him to fuck me Sex was too mild a word for it I couldn&039;t make him do what I wanted I wanted deeper, I wanted o of an to ride our rhythm, the cat&039;s and mine We pushed and he shoved, and just like on the dance floor where I&039;d followed his body, now he followed mine

It was a dance of flesh, his into mine, until I et and warm, and he moved easily inside lide inside of me, he shoved himself deeper, harder, as if he understood whatwithout words He used his hands to move me just a little, until he found the spot he wanted, and then he plunged inside me, as if he meant to come out the other side, and I screamed for him

I looked back over my shoulder, and his eyes weren&039;t lavender, they were blue with hints of gray, and they weren&039;t human anymore His shirt was open, so I could see his stomach and chest He did a movement with his storew ent and so a circle inside her co out, so that he touched all of me, but not all at the sah,me take all of him and more, and now that he had a hair&039;s breadth of room, he used it He used it in that circular rhyth the walls of s I&039;d ever felt when a man was insideThe control took th of so many different kinds

It was the upper stroke as he was pulling out that found that spot I&039;d had the spot manipulated by hand and had it included in intercourse, but never quite like this

Every tied, and he heard it, because he changed his rhyth himself over and over that small spot Not just the tip of hie He used himself to stroke ers and hands before As alhen that place inside was touched just right, the sensation of pressure was just this side of unpleasant My body felt as if when he brought me, all the fluids in my body would fly, and not just the ones anted It was always like that, that pressure, asm, as if you would lose control of your body coh it the first few times Reassure me that whatever happened it would be fine It would be wonderful

The pressure built and built, dancing along that line of too e it was alrew inside asrew inside ed to whisper--almost hiss--his name, "Nathaniel"

He hesitated a fraction "Anita, are you"

"Don&039;t stop, please, don&039;t stop"

He didn&039;t ask again He shifted his position a fraction, then closed his eyes and gave himself to the rhythm of his body I tried tome in place

The pressure built, built, until my body was thick with it, full of it, and then it spilled out Out in a burst of liquid betweenthe carpet I had to claw at so with the pleasure It was as if it were too much pleasure for my skin to hold If I&039;d had a beast insidewith that thick liquid between hs

He eased himself out of me, and I lay on the carpet, unable toelse

He crawled to ht?"

I started to laugh, then blinked and tried to see better He was still spilling out of his pants, and he was still hard and firh there was liquid on hih to be his

I sed the laugh and said in a voice that was still breathy, "You didn&039;t go"

"You weren&039;t in a head space where you could give me permission"

I closed my eyes and willed ain, no bleary edges Good "What do you ive you perasm unless you tell me I can"

The look on my face must have been eloquent, because he said, with a smile, "I knew that would weird you out, but look at the benefits, Anita I can go for a very long time, because that&039;s the way I was trained"

"Trained," I said

He nodded

I closed asm, for intercourse You had the perfect excuse, and you don&039;t take it" I opened my eyes and stared at him "Why didn&039;t you take it?"

"I want you to want ency"

I sat up and was relanced at the carpet and for the first tilad it was a dark woodsy brown The wet spot didn&039;t show as badly "Where arearound as if he weren&039;t sure either Great He was also still perfectly erect, and it was distracting

"If you&039;re not going to" I started to esture, but stopped, "then can you put that away"

He turned with a srin "Why, does it bother you?"

"Yes," I said, with asmy skirt down over my hips

He helda shter

I snatched theetting theh that I needed towels before I got back into my panties

I walked, a little wobbly, around my desk I had baby wipes in the desk drawer They helped with cleanup when I came into ith a spot of blood I&039;dwhether I could sacrifice encies, too, when Nathaniel started talking again And not about anything I was co

"You know it&039;s rare for a woman to be able to do that"

I had the drawer open and the moist towelettes in hand "What&039;s rare?"

"You&039;re a rain on the other side of the desk, with his ar on the to make me feel better

"The only definition I know for that ter bucks for their law fir that I don&039;t know" I made sure my unhappiness about the whole topic showed inmyself up I et down to my knees and beyond Jesus, what a mess

"It&039;s a term for a woman who can ejaculate"

I took in a lot of air and let it out slowly "Can we not talk about this?"

"Why are you mad?"

That was a fair question Why was I mad? I had to think about it to be honest even with ot the spare T-shirt from the bottom drawer and dried off with it So much for extra clothes I slipped my underwear back on, and felt better I always felt better dressed Why was Iout the spare hose that I also kept in a drawer I went through a lot of hose in my line of work They just weren&039;t uy chases, or vas Nope, nylons were just notgling on the carpet

"Why aertips hurt, a sharp immediate pain as the last of the endorphins left I&039;d torn off half my nails down to bloody quick Once I saw the blood it hurt worse Why did it always hurt worse when you saw the blood?

He stood up and zipped his of the trousers that weren&039;t going to be fixed by baby wipes and a T-shirt I didn&039;t have extra clothes for Nathaniel "Yes," he said, when he got himself safely inside, still hard, still thick, still ready "Why are you o," I said, and started peeling off the hose It gaveuseful to do instead of meet his eyes

"You&039;re o?"

"I&039;one we&039;d have that barrier crossed, and noe don&039;t"

"And?" he said

I sighed "And, if we&039;d crossed it, it would be easier to cross it again But doing it this way, makes it more"

"Important," he said

I nodded "Yes"

He came around the desk and went to his knees at my feet "I want it to be important to you, Anita I don&039;t just want to be someone you take because you have to take someone, anyone I want you to want me"

"You said that before"

He touched ently out of my hands and laid them on the desk He took both my hands in his, and there was such a serious look in his eyes that I was afraid Afraid of what he&039;d say "You loved me before today You loved me without sex No one&039;s ever lovedme first No one since my mother died and Nicholas" He bowed his head for a second, and I squeezed his hands I&039;d seen thatabout it So horrible, and he&039;d been so little I wanted to protect his like that I wanted to keep him safe

He sht , but that worth was all about ood I could fuck" He squeezed ht htused"

I started to say soainstto say You think you useYou don&039;t knohat using somebody is, Anita You just don&039;t know"

There was that look in his eyes that he got sometimes that made his eyes look so much older than he was A look of e should have had to experience

I kissed his fingers, then restedthat look in your eyes I want there to be enough good in your life to balance that out"

He smiled, and there was a tenderness in his eyes that made me have to look away "See, Anita, you think you&039;re hard, and that you use people, but you aren&039;t, and you don&039;t"

I pulled away a little "I can be hard when I need to be"

"But not to me, and not to Micah Not to anyone that will let you be nice to theive them the chance first"

I shook ood a person, Nathaniel"

He smiled and touched my face where Barbara Brown had scratched me I winced

"Yes, you are, you just don&039;t like adet dressed and out there before someone calls the cops"

"Bert won&039;t call the police, he&039;s too afraid of bad publicity"

I laughed "You haven&039;t h to know him that well"

"I&039;ve known a lot of people like Bert He&039;s not as bad as they were, but it&039;s the sa He wants hismoney more than he wants anyone to be safe or happy"

I looked into that terribly young face, and there was no one young looking back at s that would have broken me Or at least bent me all to hell I cupped his face into do with you?"

"I want you to make love to me," his voice was soft, but oh, so serious

I tried to aveto let ht now, but soon"

I drew back frouns can&039;t help with "Why are youthis so hard?"

"Love should be hard, Anita, or what is it worth? You taught ainst ht me how hard love can be"

"I&039;m sorry," I said, "I didn&039;t understand until yesterday"

He leaned up on his knees and got close enough to kiss my mouth "Don&039;t be sorry, make love to ht now"

"No," and he breathed against my lips, "but soon" He kissed me, one chaste touch of lips, then he stood and ive me some room

I watched him move across the rooht"

I nodded, because I didn&039;t trust iven iving me no room at all I waited for the panic to set in, but it didn&039;t What caht of what it ht be like to have him spill himself inside h, and it had taken long enough, that part of me wished there was a back door to my office But there wasn&039;t, so I couldn&039;t slink off even if I&039;d been willing to do it Besides, if Bert ever suspected that I was that bothered by it, he&039;d use it against ame of one-upmanship that Bert and I had played for years The only cure for it was a bold face Sigh

I ran h my hair, which is all you&039;re supposed to do when your hair is as curly asjust makes it frizz I checkedto keep in the desk The probleirl was that it forced you to have to care Once you put on the lipstick, you had to look at it periodically to make sure it hadn&039;t smeared like clown makeup I liked the way lipstick looked onto think about it

The eye shadow had survived pretty well, but the lipstick was pretty rateful that the carpet was dark Red lipstick on a pale carpet would have looked aard On the deep brown, you couldn&039;t see it

I used some makeup remover that was supposed to be used to take off eye makeup, but I&039;d found it worked dandy on lipstick I used aoff and then had to reapply the lipstick See, so much trouble I was just happy that I alet off the carpet

Whenback into the desk drawer, got up, straightened my skirt, took a deep breath, and went for the door With everything that had happened toto face Bert down still took e than was pretty You do not fuck at work You just don&039;t It&039;s d¨¦class¨¦ to say the least Shit

When I stepped out into the reception area, I got a surprise No one assu sex The screah that everyone assu The fact that both Nathaniel and I came out bloodier than e started helped Mary had sat hies, while Nathaniel cleaned the wounds on his hand They were deep, bloody nail marks Once I would have said that it looked like a leopard ripped hie that real leopards could do, and I knew better noas sort of ah

I went to stand near him "I&039;m sorry," I said

"I&039;m not mad"

This close I could see that the front of his knuckles on both hands were raell I frowned "I didn&039;t do your knuckles"

"Carpet burn," he said

I looked at the bloody scrapes and made a face "Ow," I said

"I don&039;t mind," he said

Mary looked up at me "That woman and man are in with Bert They wouldn&039;t leave without their son&039;s things" She looked pissed "I cannot believe that they abused you like that"

I licked the edge of my lip where Steve Brown had belted me and realized that it was healed I&039;d put on lipstick and it hadn&039;t hurt Shit, andA very positive side effect It&039;s nice that there were positive ones

I touched my cheek where Barbara Brown had sliced me, and it still hurt I hadn&039;t seen it in a o

"I&039;ll help you clean that up, when I&039;m finished with your friend," Mary said without a trace of sarcass It wasn&039;t just her typing skills that had kept Mary on as our daytis in stride She had Nathaniel hold a gauze pad over his hand while she taped it She hadn&039;t put plastic gloves on I couldn&039;t remember if I&039;d told her what Nathaniel was, or not

In huious, but she probably had the right to know Alet her to let lanced back at me "He told me"--she seemed to search for a word--"he told me, and I told hi"

Nathaniel looked up ateyes The look said, I tried

"You&039;re right, Mary, in huion"

She smiled at Nathaniel in a very motherly way "See?"

"Most people don&039;t want to take the chance," he said, softly

Mary finished bandaging his hand and patted him on the shoulder "Most people are just silly"

He smiled at her, but it left his eyes wounded Most people are just silly She had no idea I guess I didn&039;t either, not really I&039;d just begun to get the reactions froht I was a lycanthrope I hadn&039;t lived with it for years the way Nathaniel had

Mary turned toher head "I wanted to call the police on thees" She started dabbing at the scratches There

I took a deep breath so I wouldn&039;t wince "I don&039;t want to press charges"