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Micah&039;s kiss was still war had no sleep last night was finally catching up with Micah, so he&039;d gone to bed Besides, Ronnie wouldn&039;t want an audience

She was eyeing the door as I dragged it open "What happened here?"

I tried to think of a short version, couldn&039;t coet coffee first"

Her eyebroent up, but it was all I could see of her eyes behind the dark sunglasses She shrugged She earing the brown leather jacket that had become her latest favorite coat She had it zipped up more than halfway and a cable-knit sweater peeked out from under it

I hid my frown It had to be seventy outside I eased the door back into its fra?"

Her shoulders hunched "I&039;ve been cold since I left the wedding last night I just can&039;t seeet warm"

I did not reher body temperature than wewent by the name of Louie I didn&039;t say it, because it would have been too obvious, and too cruel

She walked through the darkened living room, to the opened curtains of the kitchen beyond When I&039;d been sure that Damian was down for the day, I&039;d opened the drapes She hesitated just inside the kitchen "Where is everybody?"

"Micah had to get so on an outfit for work So"

She sat in the chair that Richard had been in, so she could keep an eye on most of the doors, and still look outside at the view Orwhy I doubted Richard had thought about safety considerations when he chose the seat But again,fair Oh, well

She kept the dark glasses on, though it wasn&039;t that bright anyht, but thick, and looked like she&039;d co else, so the ends didn&039;t do the curl up that she liked She almost never went out without more done to it than this In fact, she sat hunched at the table, over the coffee over victim

"You ready for biscuits?" I asked

"Does he actually cook?"

I almost said, If you were around ood "Yeah, he cooks He does the grocery shopping, , and ular doly when she said it

I&039;d be nice because she was hurting, but that would only cover so much, then she&039;d piss ht with Ronnie this ed to keep my voice neutral

"Don&039;t we all," she said, and there was no malice now She took the tiniest sip of coffee "I don&039;t think I could eat right now"

I took a er sip of coffee, and said, "Okay, do you have a plan for how this talk will go?"

She looked up at lasses so I couldn&039;t see her eyes "What do you mean?"

"You wanted to talk, I assuht?"

"Yeah"

"Then talk," I said

"It&039;s not that simple," she said

"Okay, then can I ask a question?"

"Depends on the question," she said

I took a big breath and plunged into the deep end "Why did you say no to Louie&039;s proposal?"

"Oh, not you, too"

"What?" I asked

"Don&039;t tell me you expected me to just say yes?"

I wanted her to take off the glasses so I could see her eyes, see what she was thinking "Actually, yeah"

"Why, for God&039;s sake?"

"Because I&039;ve never seen you happier for longer with anyone," I said

She pushed her coffee away, as if she was angry at it, too "Happy the way things are, Anita Why does he have to go and change everything?"

"You spend ether than alone, right?"

She just nodded

"He said he offered to ether first, why not try it?"

"Because I want my stuff I love Louie, but I hate how he&039;s taken over my closet, my medicine cabinet He&039;s taken two of the dresser drawers over for his clothes"

"The bastard," I said

"It&039;s not funny," she said

"No, I know Did you tell hi his stuff in?"

"I tried"

"Do you want hione, poof, out of your life?"

She shook her head "No, but I wantho inthrough every cabinet to find tomato paste, then it was ht, and he&039;d organized everything in the kitchen I couldn&039;t find anything" She must have sounded pouty even to herself, because she jerked off the glasses and gave the full force of those pain-filled gray eyes "You think I&039; silly, don&039;t you?"

"No, he should have probably asked you before rearranging everything" The fact that Nathaniel had not only rearranged everything instuff was probably best kept toLouie, but I don&039;t want to marry anybody"

"Okay"

"Just okay, you&039;re not going to try talking me into it?"

"Hey, I&039;m not headed for wedded bliss either, who am I to force you into it?"

She looked atmy face for a lie She was pale and hollow-eyed, as if she hadn&039;t gotten much more sleep than Micah "But you&039;ve let Micah move in with you"

I nodded and drank coffee "Yes"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you want hiht you liked your independence as much as I do"

"I&039;e that"

"He doesn&039;t try to order you around?"

I just looked at her

"I&039;m sorry, Anita, but my dad was such a bastard to e She wanted so much, but he wouldn&039;t have a wife that worked She had to be the perfect little homemaker She hated it, and she hated him"

"You aren&039;t your mother," I said, "and Louie isn&039;t your father" Sometimes in these heart-to-heart talks you have to state the obvious

"You weren&039;t there, Anita, you didn&039;t see it She fell into a bottle, and he never noticed, because on the outside she was perfect She never got roaring drunk, or falling down drunk It was just like she needed this constant buzz to see her through the day, and the night A functioning alcoholic is what they call it"

I didn&039;t knohat to say to that We&039;d both told each other our sad stories years ago She knew all aboutthe ice princess stepmother, and my perfect stepsister We&039;d shared our bitterness toward our faain? Because soht it up

"You toldlike your dad"

"Yeah, but he still wants to own me"

"Own you," I said, "what does that reat sex, we enjoy each other&039;s company, why does he have tolike real fear in her face

I touched her hand where it lay clenched on the tabletop "Ronnie, he can&039;t ree to so, he&039;ll leave We eitherto force me to marry him"

I felt like I wasn&039;t qualified for this talk, because her logic wasn&039;t bad, but it wasn&039;t like that I knew Louie, and he&039;d have been horrified that she saw his proposal and his need to finalize things as ownership I was almost a hundred-percent certain he didn&039;t mean it that way I squeezed her hand and tried to think of what to say that would help things instead of hurt Nothing came to mind

"I don&039;t knohat to say, Ronnie, except that I don&039;t believe Louie ht you loved hiet married"

She took her hand back "How do I know this is love? I mean the love, like till-death-do-you-part love?"

Finally so I could answer "You don&039;t"

"What do you mean, you don&039;t? Isn&039;t there supposed to be a test, or a sign, or soht if I ever fell in love that this panic wouldn&039;t be here That I would be totally sure and unafraid, but I&039;m not I&039;m terrified Doesn&039;t that mean that Louie isn&039;t the one? That it would be a terrible mistake? Aren&039;t you supposed to be sure?"

Now I kneas unqualified for this conversation I needed like a pinch hitter to offer better advice than I had "I don&039;t know"

"Were you sure when you let Micahto do?"

I thought about it, then shrugged "It wasn&039;t like that He moved in almost before we&039;d dated, I" How do you put into words things that you only feel, things that have no words attached to them? "I don&039;t knohy I didn&039;t panic when he moved in, it just happened One day I walk into the bathroo kit Then, when the clean clothes got put away, his T-shirts got mixed in with mine, and since they&039;re the same size, we left it that way I&039;ve never dated anyone before who can wear the same clothes I can, it&039;s kind of neat to wear his jeans sone"

"God, you love hied and drank coffee, because talking wasit worse "Maybe," I said

She shook her head "No, no, your face goes all soft when you talk about him You love him" She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at me like I&039;d betrayed her soradually, but I didn&039;t feel crowded the way you did with Louie I like having his things in the bathroo his stuff with "

"A what?" she asked

"Getting a T-shirt out and realizing that it&039;s one I bought for hiives ot ht, and I don&039;t have to go out in it feeling I&039;ve got everything I need at home"

She looked at, butBecause I&039;d answeredto answer hers, I&039;d answered , even as she looked atbetter than I&039;d felt in days But another thought occurred towhen I said, "Remember how you couldn&039;t understand why I didn&039;t just jump at Richard when he asked me to marry him?"

"I didn&039;t say marry him, I just said dump the vampire and keep the olf"

Thathoet in to cook rumpy and like my privacy had been invaded"

She nodded "That&039;s it, it&039;s like putting on a neeater that&039;s just the right color and fits perfectly, but the next time you wear it, you realize it&039;s scratchy, and unless you wear a shirt under it, it itches you It&039;s a great sweater, but you need a little distance between it and your skin"

I thought about it and had to agree "That&039;s pretty good, scratchy, yeah"

"But you didn&039;t feel that hen Micah one soft and small

I shookabout him, really, but it just clicked"

"Love at first sight," she said, softly

"&039;Marry in haste, repent at leisure,&039; they say"

"But you didn&039;t marry him," she said, "why not?"

"One, neither of us has asked, and two, I don&039;t think either of us feels the need" There was also the matter of Jean-Claude and Asher, and Nathaniel, but I didn&039;t want totheet married?"

"You&039;d have to ask hiether, but you didn&039;t want that either"

"I like my space," she said

"Then tell him that," I said

"I&039;ll lose hiot to decide whether you like your space or him more"

"Just like that," she said

I nodded "Just like that"

"You make it sound simple"

"I don&039;t o to bed together every night and to wake up beside you everyThat doesn&039;t sound so bad"

She laid her head on her arms, so that all I could see was the back of her head As far as I could tell, she wasn&039;t crying, but "Ronnie, did I say so I couldn&039;t understand

"Sorry, I didn&039;t hear that"

She raised her head enough to say, "I don&039;t want to go to bed every night and wake up everywith him"

"You want separate bedrooms?" I asked before my brain could tell me it was a stupid question

"No," she said and sat up, brushing at the tears that had just started She seery or iuy? What if I meet someone I want to sleep with, and it isn&039;t Louie?" The tears were gone She was just looking at me with that appeal on her face That, Don&039;t you understand? look

"You amous," I said

"No, I amous"

I wasn&039;t sure what to say to that one, because it wasn&039;t soamous, Ronnie I mean hoould you feel if Louie slept with someone else?"

"Relieved," she said, "because then I could be mad and kick his ass out It&039;d be over"

"Do you mean that?" I asked, and I tried to see past the pain and confusion, but there was too much of it

"Yes," she said "No, oh, hell, Anita, I don&039;t know I thought we had a good thing going, if I could get hiear"

"How long have you guys been dating?"

"Almost two years," she said

"You never toldcrowded before," I said

"How could I? You were drowning in dos that I didn&039;t want, you were enjoying"

I remembered that Louie had said maybe Ronnie hadn&039;t distanced herself because I was dating Jean-Claude, but because she had probleht he rong, noasn&039;t so sure "I&039; to listen, Ronnie"

"I couldn&039;t, Anita You fuck this guy you&039;ve justwith you Iyour space, and losing your privacy, and you just lapped it up" Again, there was that feeling in her voice that I&039;d betrayed her

"A happy?"

"Are you happy, really happy?"

I sighed "Why do I think you&039;d be happier if I said no?"

She shook her head "No, I don&039;t mean it like that, but, Anita," she took my hand, "how can you let all these people in your house, all the time? You&039;re never alone anyht about it, then said, "No, I spent my childhood alone in a crowd of family that didn&039;t understand me, or didn&039;t want to understand me I&039;m finally with people that don&039;t think I&039;m the weird one"

"No, because they&039;re weirder"

I took my hand back this time "That was mean," I said

"I didn&039;t mean it that way, but isn&039;t Jean-Claude jealous of Micah the way he was of Richard?"

"No," I said, and left it at that, because Ronnie wasn&039;t ready to hear the arrangeht eird already If she only knew

"Why isn&039;t he?"

I just shook ht my lover eird, she had always hated Jean-Claude, I wasn&039;t about to share inties And that ht help Ronnie andout that way Shit

I poured coffee and tried to think of so useful to say I finally realized that if I let her last reain It was truth or nothing

I leaned against the cabinet and looked at her So must have shown on my face, because she said, "You&039;rethat my lover is weirder than I am, it says you think I&039;m weird You don&039;t think your friends are weird, Ronnie"

"I didn&039;t mean it that way"

"Then how did you mean it?"

"I didn&039;t mean it, Anita, I&039;m sorry, but I a out of nowhere And that Nathaniel is living here, cooking and cleaning, what is he, like a ," I said, and my voice was as cold as my face

"Doesn&039;t that mean he&039;s like food?"

"Sometimes," I said, and I tried to tell her with my eyes that she should be careful

"I don&039;t take my steak to bed with me, Anita I don&039;t read bedtime stories to h of ements for her to throw them back into my face and belittle them Great "Ronnie, you need to be very careful what you say right now Very careful"

"You&039;re insulted, aren&039;t you?" she asked

"Yes," I said, "I came to you with very personal stuff, back when it botheredthe bed with Micah andto each other That wasn&039;t a coed between you and Nathaniel? Last I heard, he was food, and one of your leopards, but that was all"

"Yeah, things have changed"

"You have twowith you?"

I nodded "Yep"

"Two men, two lovers?"

I took a deep breath, and just said, "Yes"

"Then how can you encourage e you I just asked which you value more, Louie, or your privacy It&039;s him that&039;s made it a choice, not me"

"But you didn&039;t have to choose"

"Not yet," I said

"What&039;s that mean?" she asked

"It means that I never underestis So far, so good"

"So far, so good How can you let that be enough? Don&039;t you want a guarantee that they aren&039;t going to cut your heart out and stouarantee, but it doesn&039;t work that way You&039;ve just got to take the plunge and hope for the best"

"Marry him, you mean"

"Ronnie, the only one here obsessed with ot no plans in that direction"

"So what, you just keep living with both of them?"

"For now, yes" I sipped coffee and tried not to let my eyes be as unfriendly as I felt

"But what about later?"

"Later will take care of itself," I said

"That&039;s not enough for ht decision"

"I don&039;t think you ever know, Ronnie Most of the people I know that are absolutely certain they&039;re right, are thepeople I know"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"That means, marry him or don&039;t marry him, but don&039;t take your issues out on my relationships"

"And what does that mean?"

"It ain"

"And you don&039;t think that living with two men is a little unusual?"

"It works for us, Ronnie"

"And how does Jean-Claude feel about you sleeping with Micah and Nathaniel?"

"He&039;s okay with it"

She frowned "So you&039;re, what, sleeping with"--and she started counting fingers--"three men?"

"Hmm, four, hmm, nope, five"

"Five? Jean-Claude, Nathaniel, Micah, and who?"

"Asher and Damian," I said, and my face was nicely empty when I said it

Her face wasn&039;t She was left openmouthed, astonished, apparently so shocked, she was speechless If she hadn&039;t been picking at ently, or not at all Ronnie had started by not being able to handlea va co with awith twoit, two extra vaet this straight, you are fucking all of the intercourse with all of them? Technically, no, but since it was only Nathaniel as on the "no" list after today, I said, "Yes"

"When did all this happen?"

"Asher happened after you&039;dJean-Claude, because he&039;s a va to you about vampires as boyfriends"

"And Nathaniel moved from food to sex when?"

"Recently"

"And Damian, I mean, Damian wasn&039;t even on the radar"

"It&039;s been a busy day"

She goggled at ain "Are you serious, just today?"

I nodded, and almost enjoyed her astonish, and you didn&039;t tell me"

"You haven&039;t wanted to hear it You just gethowwith Louie You said yourself that it made it hard to talk to s that were driving you crazy"

She let out a long, long breath "I&039;m sorry, I&039;ve cut you out of so ," I said

"We talked," she said, "but we both started editing ourselves to each other You can&039;t stay friends like that" She looked sad

"No," I said, "you can&039;t You don&039;t have to tell each other everything, but you can&039;t hold back this much"

"I still don&039;t trust Jean-Claude, and you&039;re the one that taught uys, no ed my mind"

"I haven&039;t," she said

"So no talking about the vampires in my life"

"That still leaves you with two men to talk about"

"Not if you compare one of them to steaks and milkshakes"

"Look, last time you talked about Nathaniel it was to complain that you were so uncomfortable around him You talked about Nathaniel the way I felt about Louie, then about the tie You started getting all soft when you talked about Nathaniel, too"

"Did I?"

She nodded "Yes, you did"

"Everyone noticed Nathaniel and me, before I did, even Richard"

"What?"

I shook my head "I do not want to talk about Richard, other than to say I irlfriend, Clair"

"Jesus, when?"

I shook my head, because there was no way to tell the story without sharing more than Ronnie wanted to know about vary when I talked about the vampires in my life made it almost impossible to share my life with her How did I explain what had happened between Richard andthe ardeur, Jean-Claude, Damian, and Damian&039;s old ivemy life, or had ulterior ue about the ulterior motives Jean-Claude hat Jean-Claude was; I&039;d made peace with that a while back