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The first person I sahen I hit the parking lot wasn&039;t any of the men, it was Ronnie Veronica Si off to one side fro herself so hard, it looked painful She&039;s 5&039;8", a lot of leg, and she&039;d added high heels and a short red dress to show off the legs She&039;d once told h neck shirt in her life She&039;d been kidding, but when she dressed up, she showed off all that nice long stretch of leg Her blond hair was cut at shoulder length, but she&039;d curled the edges under tonight so the hair bobbed above the spaghetti straps on her nearly bare shoulders It was bobbing a lot, because she was talking low and angry to someone I couldn&039;t see clearly

I took another step into the parking lot, and the shadows cleared, and I saw Louis Fane Louie taught biology at Washington University He had his doctorate and was a wererat The university knew about the doctorate but not about what he did on the full moons He was an inch or two shorter than Ronnie, built co His shoulders filled out the suit he earing nicely He&039;d cut his dark hair short and neat since last I&039;d seen him His dark eyes were alry as I&039;d ever seen it

I couldn&039;t hear what they were saying, only the tone, and the tone was pissed I realized I&039;d been staring, and it was none ofout together three times a week, which eren&039;t, it still wouldn&039;t have been any ofa vampire, Jean-Claude in particular, but her main objection seeirl advice and a little syer

We&039;d started seeing each other less and less over the last few otten to the point where we hadn&039;t talked in a couple of , because he and I had ht was about, but it wasn&039;tlot, leaning against the side of ainst the Jeep It was like a lineup, or an ambush

I hesitated in the o back and offer to referee Ronnie and Louie&039;s fight It wasn&039;t kindness that o back; it was cowardice I&039;d have ht than face aiting for me Other people&039;s emotional pain, no matter how painful, is so much less painful than your own

But Ronnie wouldn&039;t thank , and it really wasn&039;t my business Maybe I&039;d call her tomorrow and see if she&039;d talk, see if there was still enough friendship left to save Ilot, caught between the fight behind ely, I didn&039;t want to fight with anyone I was suddenly tired, so terribly tired, and it had nothing to do with the late hour, or a long day

I walked to the waiting men, and no one suess it wasn&039;t a s kind of conversation

"Nathaniel says you didn&039;t want to dance with him," Micah said

"Not true," I said "I danced, twice What I didn&039;t want to do was play kissy-face in front of the cops"

Micah looked at Nathaniel Nathaniel looked at the ground "You kissed me earlier in front of Detective Arnet Why was this different?"

"I kissed you to give Jessica the clue to stop hitting on you, because you wanted me to save you from her"

He raised his eyes, and they were like two pretty wounds, so pain-filled "So, you only kissed me to save me, not because you wanted to?"

Oh, hell Out loud I tried again, though the sinking feeling in the pit of u soht "That isn&039;t what I meant," I said

"It&039;s what you said" This from Micah

"Don&039;t you start," I said, and I heard the anger in er had been there already, I just hadn&039;t been aware of it I was angry a lot, especially when I wasn&039;t coer better than elist of psychic powers, said that I used anger to shield ht, I accepted that she was right, but she and I hadn&039;t coirl to do if she can&039;t get angry, and she can&039;t run away froed me to be honest, emotionally honest with myself and those closest to me Emotional honesty It sounds so harmless, so wholesoht," I said There, that was honest

"None of us do," Micah said

Just hearing hier ease away "Nathaniel pushed it on the dance floor, and the ardeur rose early"

"I felt it," Micah said

"Me, too," Jason said

"But you don&039;t feel it now, do you?" Nathaniel said His eyes were ale of anger I wasn&039;t sure if I&039;d ever heard hi better control over the ardeur," Micah said

Nathaniel shook his head, hugging hiht It re herself "If it had been you, she would have just co lot and fed"

"Not willingly," I said

"Yes, you would," he said, and his eyes held the anger his voice had held I&039;d never seen those lavender eyes angry before Not like this It was strangely unnerving

"I would not have sex in the parking lot of Larry and Ta reception, if I had a choice"

That angry gaze searched"Why not feed here?"

"Because it&039;s tacky And because if Zerbrowski ever got wind of it, I would never, ever, live it down"

Jason patted his arm "See, it isn&039;t you she turned down, it&039;s that she doesn&039;t want to fool around at Larry&039;s wedding Just not her style"

Nathaniel glanced at Jason, then back at e tension that I didn&039;t quite understand seean to fade froht"

"Well, if we don&039;t want to be fooling around in the parking lot, then we need to get going," Micah said "The ardeur doesn&039;t like being denied When it does cohed He was right That bit of metaphysical bravado on the dance floor would have all sorts of consequences later tonight When the ardeur rose again, I would be forced to feed There would be no stuffing it back into its box It was al able to stop the ardeur in its tracks, to completely turn it off once it had filled ift and that psychic gifts don&039;t have feelings and don&039;t carry grudges, but sometimes, it felt like this one did

"I&039;" Nathaniel looked so discouraged that I had to hug hi else, and he responded to e and didn&039;t try and holdhim, and step away Nathaniel was usually ale It was one of the things that had allowed hi those last few taboos

"Let&039;s go home," I said

"That&039;s my cue to part company," Jason said

"You&039;re welcome to bunk over if you want," I said

He shook his head "No, since I&039;e advice, I&039;ll go ho to the three of you get all hot and heavy and not be invited to play" He laughed and added, "Don&039;t getonce been included, it&039;s harder to be excluded"

I fought the blush that burned up my face, which always seemed to make the blush darker and harder

Jason and I had had sex once Before I realized it was possible to love someone to death with the ardeur, Nathaniel had collapsed at work and been off the feeding schedule for a few days Micah hadn&039;t been in the house, and the ardeur had risen early Hours early It had been interference froinator of Jean-Claude&039;s bloodline, and the first, to h her line of vamps, nowhere else The fact that I carried it had raised very interesting metaphysical questions Belle had wanted to understand what I was, and she had also thought it would raise soood business-y vampire, but when she could take care of business and make trouble, all the better So it hadn&039;t beenNathaniel and possibly killing hi Jason take one for the teaely our friendship had survived it, but every once in a while I couldn&039;t pretend it hadn&039;t happened, and that made me uncomfortable

"I love the fact that I can make you blush, now," he said

"I don&039;t"

He laughed, but there was sohter "I need to tell you soh"

I didn&039;t like how suddenly serious he was I&039;d learned in the last few hter as a shield to hide a rather insightful intelligence that was sometimes so perceptive it was painful I didn&039;t like his request for privacy either What couldn&039;t he say in front of Micah and Nathaniel? And why?

Out loud I said, "Okay" I started off to the far side of the parking lot away from the Jeep, and farther away fro a quiet screaed the church parking lot lay cool above us, I stopped and turned to Jason "What&039;s up?"

"The thing on the dance floor was sort of my fault"

"In ay, your fault?"

He actually looked embarrassed, which you didn&039;t see ot to have sex with you, real sex, the very first time I helped feed the ardeur"

"Technically, it was the second," I said

He frowned at me "Yeah, but that hen the ardeur was brand new and we didn&039;t have intercourse, and there were three other men in the bed"

I turned away so the dark would help hide the blush, though truthfully he could probably sht it up, you were saying?"

"He&039;s been in your bed for what, fourlike that," I said

"And he&039;s not had intercourse yet, hell, he&039;s not had orgas"

I couldn&039;t blush harder or "

"Anita, you can&039;t keep pretending that Nathaniel isn&039;t real"

"That&039;s not fair"

"Maybe not, but I had no idea that you weren&039;t at least doing hi, anything"

I just shook round I couldn&039;t think of anything good to say If I hadn&039;t just had my metaphysical peek inside Nathaniel&039;s head, I would probably have gotten angry, or rude But I&039;d seen too far into Nathaniel&039;s pain, and I couldn&039;t pretend anyht that by not doing the final stuff that it would ets under control and I don&039;t need a po anymore"

"Is that still your idea, to just duh control that you don&039;t need to feed?"

"What am I supposed to do with hi child?"

"He&039;s not a child, and he&039;s not a pet," Jason said, and the first hint of anger was in his voice

"I know that, and that&039;s the problem, Jason If the ardeur hadn&039;t come up I&039;d have been Nathaniel&039;s Nimir-Ra, and his friend, and that would have been it Now, suddenly he&039;s in this category that I don&039;t even have a na like I&039;m Jean-Claude&039;s"

"You and Jean-Claude aren&039;t fucking, and nobody gets upset about that"

"No, because he lets me date I have lovers if I want the Nathaniel to date I want hiirlfriends"

"And your not-so-subtly encouraging him to look at other women made him turn to me for advice"

"What do you mean?" I asked

"He doesn&039;t want to date other people He wants to be with you, and Micah, and the vampires He doesn&039;t want another woman in his life"

"I am not the woman in his life"

"Yes, you are, you just don&039;t want to be"

I leaned against one of the narrow tree trunks "Oh, Jason, what a to do?"

"Finish what you started with Nathaniel, be his lover"

I shook my head "I don&039;t want that"

"The hell you don&039;t I watch the way you react around hih, Jason I don&039;t love hiue that, too"

"I don&039;t love him the way I need to"