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I jerk o of ain and jerk on it, but he won’t letme"

His eyes are as icy as the snow beneath ers unwrap from my arm I stumble to the side and press"I’ve been best friends with Caleb since I was six, Callie, and you used to be friends with him too"

I back down the driveay fro from the confrontation "I don’t want to talk about this any, Callie" He bends his knee and steps up to the next stair without turning around "You just shut down and go to your oeird little place"

"Because I have to!" I whirl around and sprint down the driveway That weird little place he’s referring to is more of a home than this place will ever be This place holds memories that stab at me every time I step foot inside it

I hop into the truck and the war out the vents comforts me I climb over Seth’s lap, because he refuses to "sit bitch" and I settle in the middle Once I’m situated and my seat belt’s buckled, Luke shoves the truck into reverse and backs down the driveway My brother is standing at the top of the stairs, watching us with his hands in his pockets

"What’s his deal?" Seth asks, nodding his head at Jackson

"He’s upset about stuff" I position my hands in front of the heater vent to warm them up I can feel Luke and Seth’s eyes onlow, I breathe throughto spill out

The truck bumps up and down as Luke floors it over the small snowbank at the end of the driveway, and then he ra down the snowy road The radio plays peacefully in the background and the enginenoises Halfway across town, Seth and Luke take out their cigarettes and crack the s so they can s into a very dark place

I wish I could do it I wish I could walk into the house, whendown at the table

I’d have a loud voice, not a shaky one, and I’d finally tell theto be okay

But I know that’s not hoould go It’s been six years since it happened and each year I spend in the shadows of silence is another weight added to my shoulder It makes it harder to tell the truth and time makes it harder for people to understand

Seth and Luke flick their cigarettes out the e turn into Luke’s driveway Flakes of gray ash blow back into the cab and land on my clothes I’ve seen his house before, whenme to school, but I’ve never actually been there, nor do I know ot divorced when he was young It’s a s in desperate need of a paint job There is a few feet of snow in the yard and a tree in the center near a salted pathway that leads up to the front porch

Luke shoves the truck into park and turns the key, silencing the engine He stares at his house as he renition and stuffs it into the pocket of his black hoodie "My est we leave here before she co here?" Seth wonders as he pushes his thumb on the buckle to unlock his seat belt Then pushes the button ona plan," he states with a pensive look on his face as he rubs his hand across his cropped brown hair

Seth and I trade a look "A plan?" we say siet out of this place" He flips the handle and pushes the door open "I don’t know about you, but I’"

"We’re would we go?" I wonder as Seth opens the truck door and hops out into the light layer of frost covering the slender driveway

Luke jumps out and looks back into the cab aton top of the door "Anywhere but here"

I glance at his house, wondering what’s so bad about it I scoot across the seat toward the open door where Seth is waiting for me with his hand extended forers into his, I jump out and slip on the ice, but Seth catches me by the arm and saves me from a very painful fall

"Soet my balance "I don’t know about you, but I’ all those Christht all your Christmas presents from the Quickie Mart," I tell him as he slams the door I fiddle with the fifty-cent old teddy bear charave it toto the carnival where Kayden and I first kissed and where he also won me a teddy bear, which we dressed up and left with a Take n on it

"Oh, you know you loved yours" He sh mine and we skip after Luke up the pathway to the front door of his house

Luke shoves the door open and steps to the side to hold it for Seth and h the doorithout letting go of each other and Luke follows us in and shuts the door

I get the feeling that so the mo the s so it’s very dark and e-and-brown-plaid couches are covered in plastic and there’s a plastic rug sprawled over y brown carpet There are shelves built into the walls and each one is lined with rows of aniurines that are coordinated by breed Plants decorate the sills and are lined up fro

It’s cold too and I can seeout in front of my face and it mixes with the dust