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SIX

___________

A week later he was out of the brig, released on his own recognizance Some of the other Spartans, he saere in as bad or worse shape than he Fhajad had uncontrollable muscle spasms and was confined to a wheelchair Rene and Kirk had had the same difficulty that he had, but their bones were so twisted and deforel tanks, unable to move on their own

A few others were even worse, kept in isolation chae of death So to think that their fates had been worse than his own

After a feeeks the pain seeed enough that it was hard to say The drugs did help with the pain but he hated the confusion they caused within hih ideas, of not being able to finish a thought That started to get as frustrating to hian to scale back the iven the and intense, but definitely slightly less than when he‘d first awoken He found he could stand it I can live with the pain , he tried to tell hi able to think Soh, he wouldand find hi out, his forehead beaded with sweat

He kept at it Everything felt rawer to him, but yes, he could stand it His head was clearer in a way, though the pain, like the drugs, couldall the pills, pretending to take the them into a drawer In another two months, the draas almost completely full

It was true that he was insanely strong Early on, in a fit of frustration, he punched the wall in his rooh the metal panel as if it were thin plaster He e and was careful from then on out

It’s not hopeless, he started to think as tier than he‘d ever been--faster, too, despite his aard gait And even if his ar he needed to be an excellent soldier, better than any normal, unmodified human I’m still a Spartan , he told hireed When he tried to report back for active duty, CPO Mendez took a long, hard look at hientler than any Soren had heard him use,

―Walk with ether, an odd pair: Mendez straight and tall, his stride brisk and confident, Sorenas he went

―Sweet Williaar

Soren, looking surprised, shook his head

―Ah," said Mendez, after first biting off the ends, ―sometimes it‘s difficult for me to remember that you‘re all only boys Filthy habit, this Don‘t start it young"

―Yes, sir," said Soren

Mendez got the cigar lit and sucked on it hard The end glowed red and then ashed over, the s out of his nostrils ―I can‘t do it, son," he said

―Can‘t do what?" asked Soren

―I can‘t have you in active service"

―But I‘er than the other Spartans, and almost as fast as so the stern expression on Mendez‘s face, he let hie, son And I for one don‘t doubt your ability But if I put you in a team with the other Spartans, you knohat‘ll happen?"

―What, sir?"

―They‘ll always be thinking about the ones who didn‘t make it, the ones that died while they went on They‘ll feel a special obligation to look out for you and keep you alive that will affect their ability to perfore when they really need it

Right noithout you, they all move and think in a similar way They work like a well-oiledto be said for the symmetry they display, the instinctual

caood, no doubt about that--hell, I could see that on the day you woke up and went apeshit--but being on a tea to happen"

―Respectfully, sir--"

―Plus body armor," Mendez said ―It just won‘t fit you Plus the difficulty of firing a weapon with that hand No," he said, stubbing the Sweet William out on the floor He reached out and put his hand on Soren‘s shoulder, looked hiht in the eye From his look, Soren suddenly could see how hard it was for Mendez to say all he was saying, that he wished things could be different ―I‘ will co for you But this, this just isn‘t it"

―CPO MENDEZis right," said Dr Halsey, just as he‘d known she would ―He doesn‘t mean to hurt you, but he has to do what‘s best for the rest of the recruits and for the program"

―But it‘s not what‘s best for me," said Soren

―Who says it isn‘t?" asked Dr Halsey ―It‘s not what you want, but that doesn‘t mean it‘s not what‘s best for you"

―I want to serve," he said ―I don‘t want to be left behind"

―I‘m sorry, Soren," she said ―You can‘t serve in this way You‘ll be able to serve, but not in a coiven the choice," he said ―You alilling to give ain this time?"

She shook her head ―I‘m sorry, Soren Not this time"

SEVEN

___________

Later, when he thought back to it, he saw that as the turning point It shut tooparts of him off And it was stupid, he tried to tell hiured out so specially suited for him and his uniquely

deforood as the other Spartans--even Mendez had had to ader Sure, his skin and his brain so to control that, learning to get around it and even focus it

They could have found so that fit him, but instead they strapped him with a desk job within the compound, an ordinary run-of-the-mill job that just about anybody could have handled They said it was temporary, but as time went on, it felt more and more permanent

Barely sixteen and already retired from active duty, already a paper pusher It was as if they hadn‘t even tried to think of the right job for him It was hard not to feel resentful

Which hy, almost six months later, when one of the technicians--a fellow na to hian to listen

Partch started slow, just bits and pieces, hints Sure, he said, the UNSC was much needed and important--we couldn‘t live without them But didn‘t they sos that were carried out with the best of intentions but, when you looked at the?

―Like with you, for instance," said Partch, once Soren had confessed what had happened to hi proper use of you? Strong as a bear, quick, smart too: It‘s a da wet-behind-the-ears Marines right in the line of fire"

At the time Soren didn‘t respond, but later he couldn‘t help but thinking that yes, it was a waste, Partch was right Soon, it wasn‘t just that he wasn‘t reporting Partch: He‘d started to search hi what he was feeling about what Partch was saying, but listening, listening Finally one day he said, ―So what can we do about it?"

Partch shook his head ―I don‘t know," he said ―It‘s hard to knohat to do to fix the systee; they‘d rather li a change If you‘re not careful, before you know it you‘re labeled a terrorist"

―But there uy like you," said Partch giving hi look, ―sure, there‘s a lot you can do But will you?"

―I think I would," said Soren

―Even if you knew that others ht see you as a terrorist? Do you care ht?"

―I‘ve never cared what people thought," said Soren, lying

Partch gave hi look ―No," he said ―I daresay you haven‘t"

IT WENTon like that for a long ti , like he was part of so As he heard news of the other Spartans, he needed that, needed to feel like he was involved His allegiances changed almost imperceptibly until, almost before he knew it, he found hian to think, the USNC was too powerful for its own good; it had becoht to function in whatever way they wanted, had a right to be independent froovernment if they so wanted It was crazy to think otherwise Yes, he was eager to help, yes, and since that was the case, as he doing here?