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"Mo?"

"Ti her son protectively toward her "This is your father"

Leah had shed so many tears over the last seven years that she discovered that her fountain was dry A nu attached itself to her as she walked toward her car She was barren There was no child to swell and stretch her womb There never would be And yetand yet she couldn’t make her heart believe what surely was the truth

The joy she’d felt these last teeks, believing she was pregnant, was gone All she could do was live day by day with the emptiness in her heart

Now she must tell Andrew

Naturally they’d both pretend it didn’telse to do They’d reassure each other and go on, one day into the next, through Christ and she’d have no choice but to make believe all ith her

She drove home in a daze, parked her car in the driveway, and walked like a zombie into her house Shearound the perfection of her honer Christaze rested on the beautifully wrapped gifts Her one thought was to locate the Baby’s First Christmas ornament she’d purchased for Andrew, re

Her search becah the presents They’d both suffered enough

Suddenly she was blinded by tears and couldn’t locate the gift, couldn’t recall which package contained the ornaaily wrapped present after another aside, her chest heaving with sobs

Collecting herself, her hands shaking ales into two piles Hers and Andrew’s Then one by one she tore open his presents until she’d located the silver orna it with her, she walked into the kitchen and threw it in the garbage The chane was on ice She paused, picked it up, and with drops of water leaving a glistening trail across the floor, she carried that to the garbage as well

The garage door sounded in the distance, signaling Andrew’s return His steps sounded eager as he approached the door leading to the house

Leah was frozen, immobile

Andrealked into the kitchen and stopped when he saw her

She didn’t need to say a word He came to her and wrapped her in his ar, her throat dry and chest heavy Her eyes stung Andrew rolled over and tucked his ar her spoon fashion

"Don’t go to work today," he suggested "I’ll stay home with you"

"It’s Christmas Eve The hospital is already short-staffed"

"For once, think about yourself instead of that damned hospital"

The short fuse on his teiven her of his own bitter disappoint hiht now," she whispered

"Call in sick," he pleaded

"I need to work It’ll help" As if there was anything capable of easing this constant ache It continued day after day, dull and constant, a steady, ever-present reminder that she was less of a wife, less of a woman

Despite Andrew’s protests, she dressed in her unifored to down a cup of coffee before she left the house Andrealked her out to her car, looking weary and burdened His hands were buried in his pockets

"I’ll meet you back at the house at four," he said "I told Mother we’d be at her place around four-thirty"

She raised questioning eyes to her husband

"We’re spending the evening with her, reotten

"Do you want to cancel?" Andrew asked, tenderly brushing the hair from her forehead

"No, I wouldn’t want to disappoint her"

Andrew nodded and hugged Leah They clung to each other for a moment extra and then reluctantly separated

Leah drove to the hospital and for reasons she didn’t understand, she walked over to the side yard where the faded nativity scene was displayed

The er was e her head and closed her eyes If this was a battle, she was surrendering A prayer sailed straight from her heart

"I don’t knohy You don’t want me to have a child," she whispered, "but I can’t hold onto this pain any longer It hurts tooGod years earlier, preferring to rely upon herself Now that foundation had cru on the sharp rocks of her self-inflicted pain In essence she was holding up a white flag to God, accepting whatever it was He had planned for her life She was through fighting, through insisting she knew best, through being miserable