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Not bad

I went downstairs and around the corner I walked to Ar to Fifty-eighth and around the corner and halfway down the block I went into Joey Farrell's and stood at the bar

Not much of a crowd Music on the jukebox, sos

"Double Early Times," I said "With water back"

I stood there, not really thinking of anything, while the bearded barman poured the drink and drew the chaser and set them both before me I had placed a ten dollar bill on the counter He cracked it, brought ht danced in the rich amber fluid I reached for it, and a soft inner voice murmured Welcome home

I withdrew my hand I left the drink on the bar and took a die I went to the phone and dropped the dime and dialed Jan's nuht I'd kept ht have ht have fucked up Such things have been known to happen

I put the di a dozen tiot e was as I'd left it, and so were the two glasses in front of ht, Why?

The case was finished, solved, wrapped up The killer would never kill anyone again I had done a whole lot of things right and felt very good about s I wasn't nervous, I wasn't anxious, I wasn't depressed I was fine, for Christ's sake

And there was a double shot of bourbon on the bar in front of ht of a drink, and here I ith a drink in front ofto s it

Why? What the hell was thedrink I would end up dead or in the hospital It ht take a day or a week or a month but that was hoould play I knew that And I didn't want to be dead and I didn't want to go to the hospital, but here I was in a gin joint with a drink in front of me

Because-

Because what?

Because-

I left the drink on the bar I left ot out of there

At half past eight I walked down the flight of baseot a cup of coffee and soht, You almost drank You're eleven days sober and you went into a bar you had no reason to be in and ordered a drink for no reason at all You almost picked up the drink, you were that close to it, you alet them What the hell is the matter with you?

The chairman read the preamble and introduced the speaker I sat there and tried to listen to his story and I couldn't My lass of bourbon I hadn't wanted it, I hadn't even thought about it, and yet I'd been drawn to it like iron filings to a ht, My na crazy

The speaker finished what he was saying I joined in the applause I went to the bathroo to talk to anybody I caot yet another cup of coffee that I neither needed nor wanted I thought about leaving the coffee and going back to ht without a break So I couldn't pay attention to in the first place

I kept my coffee cup and took it tothe discussion The words people spoke rolled over

Then it was my turn

"My name is Matt," I said, and paused, and started over "My name is Matt," I said, "and I' happened I started to cry