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"Er…I adjusted it slightly for professional reasons," said Miss Treason "One hundred and eleven sounds so…adolescent" As if to hide her ghostly eed her hand into her pocket and pulled out the spirit of the ham sandwich "Ah, it worked," she said "I knohere has the one?" MUSTARD IS ALWAYS TRICKY, said Death as they began to fade "No mustard? What about pickled onions?" PICKLES OF ALL SORTS DON'T SEEM TO MAKE IT I'M SORRY Behind them, the outline of a door appeared "No relishes in the next world? That's dreadful! What about chutneys?" said the vanishing Miss Treason THERE'S JAM JAM WORKS "Jaht went back to nor to do was not to think too deeply, just keep her thoughts nice and level and focused on what she had to do Watched by the people still hovering around the clearing, Tiffany went and got so therave, no one would notice that the two Boffo skulls and the spiderweb- machine were tucked inside Then with Miss Treason and the secret of Boffo safely tucked away, she filled in the grave, and at this point a couple of ht until there came, from under the soil: Clonk-clank Clonk The hts cut in with: Don't worry! Re ain! She relaxed and said sweetly: "That was probably just her saying good-bye" The rest of the soil got shoveled in really quickly And now I'ht, as the people hurried back to their villages But Miss Treason worked very hard for them She deserves to be a myth, if that's what she wants And I'll bet, I'll bet that on dark nights they'll hear her… But now there was nothing but the wind in the trees She stared at the grave So Well? She was the witch, after all There wasn't ion on the Chalk or in theabout once a year, and sometimes a priest from the Nine Day Wonderers or the See of Little Faith or the Church of Small Gods would come by on a donkey People went to listen, if a priest sounded interesting or went red and shouted, and they sang the songs if they had a good tune And then they went hoain "We are small people," her father had said "It ain't wise to coods" Tiffany re, what seeo On the su in the sky, they had seemed to be all there was to say So she said theround is If any day is Holy, it is this day" She saw a le, scraave Tiffany a solean to play Humans could not hear the h, but Tiffany could feel thes into his music, and she felt sunsets, and autumns, and the mist on hills and the smell of roses so red they were nearly black… When he had finished, the gonnagle stood in silence for a ain, then vanished Tiffany sat on a stump and cried a bit, because it needed to be done Then she went and oats, because someone had to do that, too
CHAPTER SIX
Feet and Sprouts I n the cottage, the beds were airing, the floors had been swept, and the log basket was full On the kitchen table the inventory was laid out: so many spoons, so ht Tiffany packed soh She'd made them, after all The loom was silent in its room; it looked like the bones of soe Miss Treason had mentioned, wrapped in black paper Inside it was a cloak woven of broool so dark that it was alo If she lay down and put her ear to afroood funeral, everyone should be lying down It wasn't a good idea to wake them They'd find her They always did
Was that everything? Oh, no, not quite She took down the Unexpurgated Dictionary and Chaffinch's Mythology, with the "Dacne of the Sneasos" in it, and went to tuck thees flipped like cards and several things dropped out onto the stone floor Some of them were faded old letters, which she tucked back inside for now There was also the Boffo catalogue The cover had a grinning clown on it, and the words: The Boffo Novelty & Joke Company!!!!! Guffaws, Jokes, Chuckles, Japes Galore!!! IF IT'S A LAUGH, IT'S A BOFFO!!! Be the Life of the Party with our Novelty Gift Pack!!! Special Offer This Month: Half Price off Red Noses!!! Yes, you could spend years trying to be a witch, or you could spend a lot of money with Mr Boffo and be one as soon as the postes There were skulls (Glow in the Dark, 8 Extra) and fake ears and pages of hilarious noses (Ghastly Dangling Booger free on noses over 5) and masks, as Boffo would say, Galore!!! Mask No 19, for exa Teeth, and Hairy Warts (supplied loose, stick them where you like!!!) Miss Treason had obviously stopped short of buying one of these, possibly because the nose looked like a carrot but probably because the skin was bright green
She could also have bought Scary Witch Hands (8 a pair, with green skin and black fingernails) and Sue back into the book She couldn't leave it for Annagramma to find, or the secret of Miss Treason's Boffo would be out And that was it: one life, ended and neatly tidied away One cottage, clean and e to happen next "Arrangements" would be made Clonk-clank She didn'tto be Boffo'd, she told herself There's an explanation for that noise that has nothing to do with Miss Treason Let's see…I cleaned the fireplace, right? And I leaned the poker next to it But unless you get it just right, it always falls over sooner or later in a sneaky kind of way That's it When I turn and look behindin the grate and therefore the noise wasn't caused by any kind of ghostly clock at all She turned around slowly The poker was lying in the grate And now, she thought, it would be a good idea to go outside into the fresh air
It's a bit sad and stuffy in here That's why I want to go out, because it's sad and stuffy It's not at all because I'inary noises I'm not superstitious I'm a witch Witches aren't superstitious We are what people are superstitious of I just don't want to stay I felt safe here when she was alive--it was like sheltering under a huge tree--but I don't think it is safe anymore If the Wintersmith makes the trees shout my na and I' the door The local people were nervous enough about going inside even when Miss Treason was alive They certainly wouldn't set foot inside now, not until another witch hadkind of sun was showing through the clouds, and the wind had blown the frost away But a brief autumn turned to winter quickly up here; from now on there would always be the smell of snow in the air
Up in the mountains the winter never ended Even in the su snow Tiffany sat down on the old stump with her ancient suitcase and a sack and waited for the Arrangeramma would be here pretty soon, you could bet on that The cottage already looked abandoned It seeht pushed itself to the front Yes, it would be today Death had got it right The one big day in the year that was totally hers, and she had forgotten about it in all the excitement, and noas already two thirds over Had she ever told Petulia and the others when her birthday was? She couldn't re of herself as "nearly thirteen" for months now Pretty soon she'd be "nearly fourteen" She was just about to enjoy a bit of self-pity when there was a stealthy rustling behind her She turned so quickly that Horace the cheese leaped backward "Oh, it's you," said Tiffany "Where have you been, you naughty bo--cheese? I orried sick!" Horace looked ashaed it "Are you going to come withof yesness
"All right You et in the sack" Tiffany opened it, but Horace backed away "Well, if you are going to be a naughty chee--" she began, and stopped Her hand was itching She looked up…at the Winters snow in the air, but as he strode across the clearing, he seeout behind him and snow on his hair and shoulders He wasn't transparent this ti like ripples ran across hiht she could see the trees behind him, like shadows She took a few hurried steps backward, but the Wintersrass with the speed of a skater She could turn and run, but that would , and why should she do that? She hadn't been the one scribbling on people's s! What should she say, what should she say? "Now, I really appreciated you finding ain "And the snowflakes and roses were really very…it was very sweet But…I don't think that ell, you're made of cold and I'm not…I'm a human, made of…human stuff"
"You must be her," said the Wintersmith "You were in the Dance! And now you are here, in ht It sounded…fake, soht to say the sound of words without understanding what they were "I'm a her," she said uncertainly "I don't know about 'must be' Er…please, I'm really sorry about the dance, I didn't ray eyes, she noticed Purple-gray, in a face sculpted fro A handsome face, too "Look, I never an "Meant?" said the Winters astonished "But we don't mean We are!"
"What do you…mean?"
"Crivens!"
"Oh, no…" les didn't know theof the word "fear" Soht like tigers, they fought like deht like so with more than a spoonful of brain They attacked the Wintersmith with swords, heads, and feet, and the fact that everything went through hile ai hiood result The Winters no attention to butterflies "Where is your power? Why are you dressed like this?" the Wintersmith demanded "This is not as it should be!" He stepped forward and grabbed Tiffany's wrist hard, hostly hand should be able to do "It is wrong!" he shouted Above the clearing the clouds were o!"