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Then she thought: randfather is Death He adopted my mother My father was his apprentice for a while That's all that happened They were both human, and I turned up in the norh walls and live outside time and be a little bit iic and, let's face it, basic biology have any part to play In any case, ti the future The future contains things that didn't exist in the past A s sohed And you had to remember that Time probably wasn't time, in the same way that Death wasn't exactly the same as death and War wasn't exactly the sa fat man with an inappropriate sense of hu the thread, and he certainly didn't personally attend every ave her funny looks, and Famine was just wasted and weird None of them ran theircall it their discipline They personified it Given that she'd met the Tooth Fairy, the Soul Cake Duck and Old Man Trouble, it arown up to be mostly human, nearly normal As she stared at her notes, her hair unwound itself froround- state position, which was the hair of sohly electrical It spread out around her head like a cloud, with one black streak of nearly norht be an ultimate destroyer of worlds and the final truth of the universe, but that wasn't to say he didn't take an interest in the little people Perhaps Time did, too She smiled Time waited for no man, they said Perhaps she'd waited for one, once Susan are that so at her, turned and saw the Death of Rats peering through the lens of the glasses belonging to thefor thearded bust of a former historian the raven preened itself 'Well?' she said SQUEAK! 'Oh, he is, is he?' The doors of the library were nuzzled open and a white horse walked in There is a terrible habit arey', but even one of that bowlegged fraternity would have had to admit that this horse, at least, hite - not as white as snohich is a dead white, but at least as white as milk, which is alive His bridle and reins were black, and so was the saddle, but all of them were in a sense just for show If the horse of

Death was inclined to let you ride him, then you'd stay on, saddle or no And there was no upper liues sometimes happened suddenly The historians paid him no attention Horses did not walk into libraries Susan mounted There were plenty of times when she wished she'd been born completely huive it all up tolowed like plasma in the air above the library, and then faded away Tick The crunch-crunch of the yeti's feet over the snow and the eternal wind of thesaid, 'By "cut off his head", you actually mean ?'

'Sever the head fro, still in the tones of one carefully exploring every corner of the haunted cave, 'he doesn't mind?'

'Waal, it's a nuisance,' said the yeti 'A bit of a paarty trick But it's okaay, if it helps The sweeper haas alwaays been a goood friend to us We owe hi 'em the Way,' said Lu-Tze proudly 'Yaas Ver' usefuul "A washed pot never boils,"'said the yeti Curiosity vied with annoyance in Lobsang's head, and won 'What have I missed here?' he said 'You don't die?'

'I doon't die? Wit ! Ho Ho,' said the yeti 'Of course I die But this is not such a sizeaable traansaaction'

'It took us years to work out what the yetis were up to,' said Lu-Tze 'Their loops played hob with the Mandala until the abbot worked out how to allow for them They've been extinct three ti 'That's a lot of tie it once, don't they?' The yeti was entering taller forest now, of ancient pines 'This'd be a good place,' said Lu-Tze 'Put us down, sir'

'And we'll chop your head off,' said Lobsang weakly 'What a to chop anyone's head off!'

'You heard hiently lowered to the ground 'That's not the point!' said Lobsang hotly 'It's his head,' Lu-Tze pointed out 'But I mind!'

'Oh, well, in that case,' said Lu-Tze, 'is it not written, "If you want a thing done properly you've got to do it yourself"?'

'Yaas, it is,' said the yeti Lu-Tze took the sword out of Lobsang's hand He held it carefully, like soly knelt 'You're up to date?' said Lu-Tze 'Yaas'

'I cannot believe you're really doing this!' said Lobsang 'Interesting,' said Lu-Tze 'Mrs Cosh, the Great Wen said, 'I have seen, and I believe"!' He brought the sword down and cut off the yeti's head Tick There was a sound rather like a cabbage being sliced in half, and then a head rolled into the basket to cheers and cries of 'Oh, I say, well done!' from the crowd The city of Quir place and the city council kept it that ith a penal policy that combined theGRIPPER 'THE BUTCHER' SMARTZ? The late Gripper rubbed his neck 'I demand a retrial!' he said THIS MAY NOT BE A GOOD TIME, said Death 'It couldn't possibly have been murder because the' The soul of Gripper Shostly piece of paper, unfolded it and continued, in a voice of those to whole, ' because the bal-ance of my mind was ddess-turbed'

REALLY, said Death He found it best to let the recently departed get things off their chest 'Yes, 'cos I really, really wanted to kill hiht? And you can't tell ht? He was a dwarf, anyway, so I don't think that should count as hter' I UNDERSTAND THAT WAS THE SEVENTH DWARF YOU KILLED, said Death 'I' dess-turbed,' said Gripper 'Really, it's me who's the victi, someone to see my point of view for five minutes' WHAT WAS YOUR POINT OF VIEW? 'All dwarfs need a daht?' YES INDEED 'I'ot a tattoo of you on hted Gripper turned at the sound of hooves A young woathered around the food stalls and souvenir stands and the guillotine, was leading a large white stallion towards the!' said Gripper 'Now that's what I call style!' and with that he faded WHAT A CURIOUS PERSON, said Death AH, SUSAN THANK YOU FOR COMING OUR SEARCH NARROWS 'Our search?' YOUR SEARCH, IN FACT'It's just mine now, is it?' I HAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO ATTEND TO 'More important than the end of the world?' IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD THE RULES SAY THAT THE HORSEMEN SHALL RIDE OUT'That old legend? But you don't have to do that!' IT IS ONE OF MY FUNCTIONS I HAVE TO OBEY THE RULES 'Why? They're breaking the rules!' BENDING THEM THEY HAVE FOUND A LOOPHOLE I DO NOT HAVE THAT KIND OF IMAGINATION

It was like Jason and the Battle for the Stationery Cupboard, Susan told herself You soon learned that 'No one is to open the door of the Stationery Cupboard' was a prohibition that a seven year-old simply would not understand You had to think, and rephrase it in more immediate terms, like, 'No one, Jason, no ht they heard so attention, Jason? - is to open the door of the Stationery Cupboard, or accidentally fall on the door handle so that it opens, or threaten to steal Richenda's teddy bear unless she opens the door of the Stationery Cupboard, or be standing nearby when a mysterious wind comes out of nowhere and blows the door open all by itself, honestly, it really did, or in any way open, cause to open, ask anyone else to open, jump up and down on the loose floorboard to open or in any other way seek to obtain entry to the Stationery Cupboard, Jason!'

'A loophole,' said Susan YES 'Well, why can't you find one too?' I AM THE GRIM REAPER I DO NOT THINK PEOPLE WISH ME TO GET CREATIVE THEY WOULD WISH ME TO DO THE TASK ASSIGNED TO ME AT THIS TIME, BY CUSTOM AND PRACTICE 'And that's just riding out?' YES 'Where to?' EVERYWHERE, I THINK IN THE MEANTIME, YOU WILL NEED THIS Death handed her a lifetier than norlass, but all those little glittering shapes tuh the pinch were seconds 'You know I don't like doing the the whole scythe thing,' she said 'It's not- Hey, this is really heavy!' HE IS LU-TZE, A HISTORY MONK EIGHT HUNDRED YEARS OLD HE HAS AN APPRENTICE I HAVE LEARNED THIS BUT I CANNOT FEEL HIM, I CANNOT SEE HIM HE IS THE ONE BINKY WILL TAKE YOU TO THE MONK, YOU WILL FIND THE CHILD 'And then what?' I SUSPECT HE WILL NEED SOMEONE WHEN YOU HAVE FOUND HIM, LET BINKY GO I SHALL NEED HIM Susan's lips ht

'To ride out on?' she said 'Are you really talking about the Apocalypse? Are you serious? No one believes in that sort of thing anyto do that? Knowing everything you know?' Death patted Binky on the randfather a sideways look 'Hold on, there's a trick, isn't there ? You're planning soht? You're not really going to just wait for the world to end and celebrate it, are you?' WE WILL RIDE OUT'No!' YOU WILL NOT TELL THE RIVERS NOT TO FLOW YOU WILL NOT TELL THE SUN NOT TO SHINE YOU WILL NOT TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT DO 'But it's so-' Susan's expression changed, and Death flinched 'I thought you cared!' TAKE THIS ALSO Without wanting to, Susan took a srandfather SHE MAY TALK TO YOU'And who is this?' THE MIDWIFE, said Death NOW FIND THE SONHe faded Susan looked down at the lifetiain! she screamed at herself You don't have to do this and you can put this thing down and you can go back to the classrooain and you just know that you won't, and so does he- SQUEAK? The Death of Rats was sitting between Binky's ears, grasping a lock of the white eneral i Susan raised a hand to slap him off, and then stopped herself Instead, she pushed the heavy lifetirasping the reins 'Why do I do this?'

SQUEAK 'I have not got a nice nature!' Tick There was not, surprisingly, a great deal of blood The head rolled into the snow, and the body slowly toppled forward 'Now you've killed-' Lobsang began 'Just a second,' said Lu-Tze 'Anyyeti turned his head to Lu-Tze, blinked and said, 'Thaat stung a biit'

'Sorry' Lu-Tze turned to Lobsang 'Now, hold on to that memory!' he co You've got to go on re that now did not happen, understand? Re than people think, if you get your head right! Just a little lesson! Seeing is believing!'